[nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while still being compassionate

[Kaiti Shelton]

Hi all,

I am confronted with an interesting situation.  A very close friend of
mine may/may not have a neurological proglem which, if left untreated,
could cause damage to the optic nerve and therefore blindness.  I'm
trying to be a good friend and be supportive, because what she's going
through is definitely not comfortable or easy by any means, but she
doesn't even have the test results or know of a treatment plan and
she's already thinking about the what ifs associated with going blind.

It's really difficult, because I realize that it is scary to think
about; I probably would not be a happy camper if my vision drastically
changed, and that's even with the knowledge that it could do so in a
way that would further limit the sight I have/make me totally blind at
any time if the right thing were to go wrong having been drilled into
me since childhood.  I would imagine that discomfort/annoyance would
be at least ten-fold for a person who has spent nearly two decades as
a sighted person, with little to no contact with a blind person until
they met me in college.  Yet, I feel somewhat awkward because I know
that blindness is not the worst thing that could happen to a person by
far, and that I've shown her by example that one does not need sight
to do well in school, to cook and clean around an apartment, to have a
job, or to be successful in general.  I realize that seeing someone
else do things differently and imagining yourself have to do them a
different way is terrifying too, if I had to suddenly switch to using
a foreign language or sign language to speak I'd definitely be
freaking about the ramifications of being out of the loop, and perhaps
that is what this is like a bit.

I'm just trying to think of ways that I can be supportive while still
showing her that even if the worst does happen, things can be
done---just differently.  I feel like that is one of the best ways I
can be supportive, because I have the knowledge about the subject that
others around her do not, and since blindness has such a bad
connotation, it is possible that those who don't know much about it
are not helping the situation by panicking themselves.  I'm trying to
be empathetic as well, because although I have lost vision in chunks,
I am probably the only person she knows who has experienced any form
of vision loss, and there was a time in my younger teen years when I
was terrified of losing all of my vision in which I had to put
blindness into perspective and realize that much worse could happen to
a person, too.

So far I've been telling her to not freak about it is she doesn't even
have test results yet, which I realize is much easier said than done
but I thought it was the best I could do.  I've also reminded her that
even if she does have this condition there are treatment plans which
could prevent vision loss, so even if she were to receive the
diagnosis it is not a death sentence for her sight.  I do not know
what else I could do at this point but remind her of those things,
since the rationalization seems to help for a while once she thinks
through it.

I would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences
and/or lost sight later in life.  If you are the latter and you knew
there was a possibility of blindness before it happened what specific
aspects about blindness bothered you the most?  What, if anything, did
others do that made you feel a little better about the situation?
What do you wish others would have done to help you?  What would you
suggest I do to help my friend?  Did contact with other blind people
help you durring that time?  (The thing I'm worried about is her
saying, "Well you can't empathize because you don't know what it's
like," because in terms of having the sudden shock I do not, but
everything else I do).  Any thoughts?
-- 
Kaiti