[nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while still being compassionate

Tue Oct 15 00:49:02 UTC 2013

Hi Kaiti and all,

I think this is an excellent question and an issue we all deal with as
NFB members. We often meet folks who are losing vision and try to
offer them  support and resources. Sometimes it can be hard for us who
are used to blindness to understand what they are experiencing. I know
that I have offered information and resources to people who contact me
about their moms or dads losing sight, and they tell me that their
parent does not want the information because he/she is too depressed
or scared to deal with it yet. This is a little hard for me to
empathize with, as someone who has been totally blind my whole life.
Usually what I try to do is work with the person and answer whatever
questions they ask me, but don't preach to them or tell them about
things unless they want to know. For example, sometimes I come across
folks who don't want to use canes but are losing vision and would
clearly benefit from using a cane. I don't nag them about using a cane
unless they specifically say that they are having trouble getting
around or identifying their blindness to others, at which point I
casually suggest that a cane might help with those difficulties they
are having. I want to give them information and feedback but also
respect their choices and their feelings about the situation.
I would suggest that you can just be a supportive friend and listen to
her concerns and emotional expressions. If she asks you how you do
things, you can share techniques with her and point her to other blind
role models, but that may not be something she is interested in yet.

Best,
Arielle

On 10/14/13, Sandra Gayer <sandragayer7 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hello Kaiti,
> It sounds as though you're having a tough time emotionally yourself.
> Your friend won't be thinking rationally at this stage because of her
> fear of the unknown ahead of her. It doesn't matter that the chances
> of her losing her sight are remote, the fact is, there's still a
> chance and she's trying to prepare herself mentally for that. The best
> thing you can do is be there for her, listen to her worries and fears
> and try and comfort her. In short, what you're already doing.
>
> It would do you no harm to clear your mind of all this sometimes, take
> a mental break from it.
> Very best wishes,
> Sandra.
>
> On 10/14/13, Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hi all,
>>
>> I am confronted with an interesting situation.  A very close friend of
>> mine may/may not have a neurological proglem which, if left untreated,
>> could cause damage to the optic nerve and therefore blindness.  I'm
>> trying to be a good friend and be supportive, because what she's going
>> through is definitely not comfortable or easy by any means, but she
>> doesn't even have the test results or know of a treatment plan and
>> she's already thinking about the what ifs associated with going blind.
>>
>> It's really difficult, because I realize that it is scary to think
>> about; I probably would not be a happy camper if my vision drastically
>> changed, and that's even with the knowledge that it could do so in a
>> way that would further limit the sight I have/make me totally blind at
>> any time if the right thing were to go wrong having been drilled into
>> me since childhood.  I would imagine that discomfort/annoyance would
>> be at least ten-fold for a person who has spent nearly two decades as
>> a sighted person, with little to no contact with a blind person until
>> they met me in college.  Yet, I feel somewhat awkward because I know
>> that blindness is not the worst thing that could happen to a person by
>> far, and that I've shown her by example that one does not need sight
>> to do well in school, to cook and clean around an apartment, to have a
>> job, or to be successful in general.  I realize that seeing someone
>> else do things differently and imagining yourself have to do them a
>> different way is terrifying too, if I had to suddenly switch to using
>> a foreign language or sign language to speak I'd definitely be
>> freaking about the ramifications of being out of the loop, and perhaps
>> that is what this is like a bit.
>>
>> I'm just trying to think of ways that I can be supportive while still
>> showing her that even if the worst does happen, things can be
>> done---just differently.  I feel like that is one of the best ways I
>> can be supportive, because I have the knowledge about the subject that
>> others around her do not, and since blindness has such a bad
>> connotation, it is possible that those who don't know much about it
>> are not helping the situation by panicking themselves.  I'm trying to
>> be empathetic as well, because although I have lost vision in chunks,
>> I am probably the only person she knows who has experienced any form
>> of vision loss, and there was a time in my younger teen years when I
>> was terrified of losing all of my vision in which I had to put
>> blindness into perspective and realize that much worse could happen to
>> a person, too.
>>
>> So far I've been telling her to not freak about it is she doesn't even
>> have test results yet, which I realize is much easier said than done
>> but I thought it was the best I could do.  I've also reminded her that
>> even if she does have this condition there are treatment plans which
>> could prevent vision loss, so even if she were to receive the
>> diagnosis it is not a death sentence for her sight.  I do not know
>> what else I could do at this point but remind her of those things,
>> since the rationalization seems to help for a while once she thinks
>> through it.
>>
>> I would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences
>> and/or lost sight later in life.  If you are the latter and you knew
>> there was a possibility of blindness before it happened what specific
>> aspects about blindness bothered you the most?  What, if anything, did
>> others do that made you feel a little better about the situation?
>> What do you wish others would have done to help you?  What would you
>> suggest I do to help my friend?  Did contact with other blind people
>> help you durring that time?  (The thing I'm worried about is her
>> saying, "Well you can't empathize because you don't know what it's
>> like," because in terms of having the sudden shock I do not, but
>> everything else I do).  Any thoughts?
>> --
>> Kaiti
>>
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