[nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while stillbeing compassionate

[Elizabeth Mohnke]

Hello Kaiti,

It sounds to me like your friend is working her way through the normal 
grieving process that would occur for any type of loss in life. For those 
who are not born blind, losing one's eyesight is definitely a loss that 
needs to be grieved during the process of coming to terms with blindness. I 
see this as no different as coming to terms with any other medical condition 
that would significantly alter someone's life.

I think you are being a good friend by simply trying to be there for her. 
Although, you may want to try to talk about her feelings regarding this 
situation if she is willing to discuss them with you. Perhaps you could 
reassure her that having these feelings are normal for what she is going 
through in her life right now. This suggestion comes from what I wish other 
people could have given to me when I was first told that I had an eye 
condition that would most likely cause me to become blind someday in the 
distant future.

Elizabeth


--------------------------------------------------
From: "Kaiti Shelton" <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, October 14, 2013 12:33 AM
To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while stillbeing 
compassionate

> Hi all,
>
> I am confronted with an interesting situation.  A very close friend of
> mine may/may not have a neurological proglem which, if left untreated,
> could cause damage to the optic nerve and therefore blindness.  I'm
> trying to be a good friend and be supportive, because what she's going
> through is definitely not comfortable or easy by any means, but she
> doesn't even have the test results or know of a treatment plan and
> she's already thinking about the what ifs associated with going blind.
>
> It's really difficult, because I realize that it is scary to think
> about; I probably would not be a happy camper if my vision drastically
> changed, and that's even with the knowledge that it could do so in a
> way that would further limit the sight I have/make me totally blind at
> any time if the right thing were to go wrong having been drilled into
> me since childhood.  I would imagine that discomfort/annoyance would
> be at least ten-fold for a person who has spent nearly two decades as
> a sighted person, with little to no contact with a blind person until
> they met me in college.  Yet, I feel somewhat awkward because I know
> that blindness is not the worst thing that could happen to a person by
> far, and that I've shown her by example that one does not need sight
> to do well in school, to cook and clean around an apartment, to have a
> job, or to be successful in general.  I realize that seeing someone
> else do things differently and imagining yourself have to do them a
> different way is terrifying too, if I had to suddenly switch to using
> a foreign language or sign language to speak I'd definitely be
> freaking about the ramifications of being out of the loop, and perhaps
> that is what this is like a bit.
>
> I'm just trying to think of ways that I can be supportive while still
> showing her that even if the worst does happen, things can be
> done---just differently.  I feel like that is one of the best ways I
> can be supportive, because I have the knowledge about the subject that
> others around her do not, and since blindness has such a bad
> connotation, it is possible that those who don't know much about it
> are not helping the situation by panicking themselves.  I'm trying to
> be empathetic as well, because although I have lost vision in chunks,
> I am probably the only person she knows who has experienced any form
> of vision loss, and there was a time in my younger teen years when I
> was terrified of losing all of my vision in which I had to put
> blindness into perspective and realize that much worse could happen to
> a person, too.
>
> So far I've been telling her to not freak about it is she doesn't even
> have test results yet, which I realize is much easier said than done
> but I thought it was the best I could do.  I've also reminded her that
> even if she does have this condition there are treatment plans which
> could prevent vision loss, so even if she were to receive the
> diagnosis it is not a death sentence for her sight.  I do not know
> what else I could do at this point but remind her of those things,
> since the rationalization seems to help for a while once she thinks
> through it.
>
> I would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences
> and/or lost sight later in life.  If you are the latter and you knew
> there was a possibility of blindness before it happened what specific
> aspects about blindness bothered you the most?  What, if anything, did
> others do that made you feel a little better about the situation?
> What do you wish others would have done to help you?  What would you
> suggest I do to help my friend?  Did contact with other blind people
> help you durring that time?  (The thing I'm worried about is her
> saying, "Well you can't empathize because you don't know what it's
> like," because in terms of having the sudden shock I do not, but
> everything else I do).  Any thoughts?
> -- 
> Kaiti
>
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