[nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while stillbeing compassionate

Fri Oct 18 03:36:26 UTC 2013

Hi Kaiti,

Self-affirmation happens to be one of my research areas, so I'd like
to offer a few suggestions that your friend might find helpful.
Basically, the research has shown that writing about your important
values can be a helpful thing for people experiencing many kinds of
challenges and life transitions. In your friend's case, she may be
worried that losing vision will cause her to have to give up things
she enjoys doing or sources of meaning in her life. It might be good
for her to write or at least think about what her important values are
and the kinds of things in her life that will remain intact whether
she loses vision or not; for example, her friendships and family
relationships, her political values, her sense of humor, music if she
enjoys that, etc. Writing about religious values might also help
although as you mentioned it sounds like her religious beliefs may be
contributing to the negativity about blindness. Research suggests that
it is better to self-affirm by thinking about alternate sources of
meaning than it is to try to affirm the thing that's the problem, so
writing about her sight loss might not be such a good idea. Though
there has been less research on this, it is logical that doing things
to uphold your values is also self-affirming. So encourage her to keep
pursuing hobbies and relationships, church involvement, etc. that
aren't affected by her health or vision issues. Over time this should
help her to see the vision problem as just one of many things going on
in her life.

Best,
Arielle

On 10/17/13, Kaiti Shelton <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Justin,
>
> Your suggestion sounds interesting, but could you elaborate?
>
> So far I'm reading it as try to get her to realize she still has
> vision (correct me if I'm not understanding propperly).  I think this
> could potentially be good, but also could have negative effects.  I
> don't want to make her think I'm belittling her diagnosis by stressing
> that she hasn't lost much.  (she's lost some peripheral vision, but
> not enough to even keep her from driving).  But, she sees this as a
> major issue at least right now, so I'm worried that if I put emphasis
> on the fact that she still has the majority of her vision that she'll
> 1, lash out and take me as not being supportive, and 2, really get
> confused on how to feel about things, more than she already seems to
> be.  She's not very open to talking about how she feels about it now,
> other than saying it sucks.  Emphasis is still being placed on the
> vision issue rather than the other neurological symptoms.
>
> But, I think after the initial shock and/or self-pitty has worn off,
> this could be something that really works along witth showing her that
> blindness isn't really crippling or something to be pittied.  We'll
> have to see what happens.
>
> Thanks for your suggestion, and if you could clarify, if I'm reading
> it wrong, I would appreciate it.
>
> On 10/16/13, justin williams <justin.williams2 at gmail.com> wrote:
>> See if  you can get her to write positive affirmations which will affirm
>> her
>> in having sight.  Try to get her to focus on those and read them
>> everyday.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
>> Shelton
>> Sent: Wednesday, October 16, 2013 9:23 AM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while
>> stillbeing compassionate
>>
>> Hi all,
>>
>> The religious differences may be playing a role in my feelings of
>> awkwardness too.  Like her family members, my friend said in a sense that
>> her vision was being attacked by the devel.  I found this to be really
>> interesting because it demonstrated a couple of things; although she
>> knows
>> this is all a brain issue rather than an eye issue, and she has other
>> neurological symptoms including really bad headaches, she is focusing on
>> the
>> vision thing rather than the brain, which is actually the part of her
>> body
>> receiving the treatment.  It also showed me how different religions
>> impact
>> perceptions of disabilities.  I am Christian as well, but I do not think
>> disabilities are influenced by religious things like that.  Perhaps I am
>> a
>> little more scientific, but I see them as being genetic, accidental, or
>> medically acquired such as through a virus or infection.  She's deeply
>> rooted in her faith though, and the belief that all good events are
>> blessings and all bad ones are attacks is a part of that sect of
>> Christianity.  So, religion is playing a pretty big role too, and I
>> failed
>> to recognize that until yesterday.  I'm learning that this is far more
>> complicated for her than I even imagined, which really substantiates what
>> Arielle said about it being very different from the experience of someone
>> who has always had limitted vision in some capacity or another, and knows
>> that they are either blind or will probably be blind in the future.
>>
>> I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this, because if I failed
>> to
>> consider the importance of religion in this I'm wondering what else I may
>> be
>> missing.  Any thoughts on that?  I want to be a little more aware of this
>> issue not just for my friend, but also for other people should I come
>> across
>> this situation in the future.
>>
>> On 10/15/13, Elizabeth Mohnke <lizmohnke at hotmail.com> wrote:
>>> Hello Kaiti,
>>>
>>> It sounds to me like your friend is working her way through the normal
>>> grieving process that would occur for any type of loss in life. For
>>> those who are not born blind, losing one's eyesight is definitely a
>>> loss that needs to be grieved during the process of coming to terms
>>> with blindness. I
>>>
>>> see this as no different as coming to terms with any other medical
>>> condition
>>>
>>> that would significantly alter someone's life.
>>>
>>> I think you are being a good friend by simply trying to be there for
>>> her.
>>> Although, you may want to try to talk about her feelings regarding
>>> this situation if she is willing to discuss them with you. Perhaps you
>>> could reassure her that having these feelings are normal for what she
>>> is going through in her life right now. This suggestion comes from
>>> what I wish other
>>>
>>> people could have given to me when I was first told that I had an eye
>>> condition that would most likely cause me to become blind someday in
>>> the distant future.
>>>
>>> Elizabeth
>>>
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Kaiti Shelton" <crazy4clarinet104 at gmail.com>
>>> Sent: Monday, October 14, 2013 12:33 AM
>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Blindness is scary-how to teach otherwise while
>>> stillbeing
>>>
>>> compassionate
>>>
>>>> Hi all,
>>>>
>>>> I am confronted with an interesting situation.  A very close friend
>>>> of mine may/may not have a neurological proglem which, if left
>>>> untreated, could cause damage to the optic nerve and therefore
>>>> blindness.  I'm trying to be a good friend and be supportive, because
>>>> what she's going through is definitely not comfortable or easy by any
>>>> means, but she doesn't even have the test results or know of a
>>>> treatment plan and she's already thinking about the what ifs associated
>> with going blind.
>>>>
>>>> It's really difficult, because I realize that it is scary to think
>>>> about; I probably would not be a happy camper if my vision
>>>> drastically changed, and that's even with the knowledge that it could
>>>> do so in a way that would further limit the sight I have/make me
>>>> totally blind at any time if the right thing were to go wrong having
>>>> been drilled into me since childhood.  I would imagine that
>>>> discomfort/annoyance would be at least ten-fold for a person who has
>>>> spent nearly two decades as a sighted person, with little to no
>>>> contact with a blind person until they met me in college.  Yet, I
>>>> feel somewhat awkward because I know that blindness is not the worst
>>>> thing that could happen to a person by far, and that I've shown her
>>>> by example that one does not need sight to do well in school, to cook
>>>> and clean around an apartment, to have a job, or to be successful in
>>>> general.  I realize that seeing someone else do things differently
>>>> and imagining yourself have to do them a different way is terrifying
>>>> too, if I had to suddenly switch to using a foreign language or sign
>>>> language to speak I'd definitely be freaking about the ramifications
>>>> of being out of the loop, and perhaps that is what this is like a bit.
>>>>
>>>> I'm just trying to think of ways that I can be supportive while still
>>>> showing her that even if the worst does happen, things can be
>>>> done---just differently.  I feel like that is one of the best ways I
>>>> can be supportive, because I have the knowledge about the subject
>>>> that others around her do not, and since blindness has such a bad
>>>> connotation, it is possible that those who don't know much about it
>>>> are not helping the situation by panicking themselves.  I'm trying to
>>>> be empathetic as well, because although I have lost vision in chunks,
>>>> I am probably the only person she knows who has experienced any form
>>>> of vision loss, and there was a time in my younger teen years when I
>>>> was terrified of losing all of my vision in which I had to put
>>>> blindness into perspective and realize that much worse could happen
>>>> to a person, too.
>>>>
>>>> So far I've been telling her to not freak about it is she doesn't
>>>> even have test results yet, which I realize is much easier said than
>>>> done but I thought it was the best I could do.  I've also reminded
>>>> her that even if she does have this condition there are treatment
>>>> plans which could prevent vision loss, so even if she were to receive
>>>> the diagnosis it is not a death sentence for her sight.  I do not
>>>> know what else I could do at this point but remind her of those
>>>> things, since the rationalization seems to help for a while once she
>>>> thinks through it.
>>>>
>>>> I would love to hear from people who have had similar experiences
>>>> and/or lost sight later in life.  If you are the latter and you knew
>>>> there was a possibility of blindness before it happened what specific
>>>> aspects about blindness bothered you the most?  What, if anything,
>>>> did others do that made you feel a little better about the situation?
>>>> What do you wish others would have done to help you?  What would you
>>>> suggest I do to help my friend?  Did contact with other blind people
>>>> help you durring that time?  (The thing I'm worried about is her
>>>> saying, "Well you can't empathize because you don't know what it's
>>>> like," because in terms of having the sudden shock I do not, but
>>>> everything else I do).  Any thoughts?
>>>> --
>>>> Kaiti
>>>>
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>>>
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>>
>>
>> --
>> Kaiti
>>
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>
>
> --
> Kaiti
>
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