[nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

Fri Apr 25 04:17:13 UTC 2014

Joe,
right. mom is being a mom and sadly she will always see me as the baby. 
Still its hurtful for her not to try and teach me things. I do some things 
my  own and she Is critical with every little mistake; I just have to stand 
it for a while though.
Yeah, it depends on your parents style as illustrated by your step mother.
example. Some parents just encourage more.

Glad for the understanding.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Joe
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 5:29 PM
To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

Ashley,

Part of your situation is core parenting. My own stepmother knows I've 
traveled extensively, inside and outside of the country, but she still asks 
if someone will be waiting to help me on the other side of my plane trip. I 
deal with it and assume it's when she stops asking that something might be 
wrong. On some level I don't think parents ever stop viewing their children 
as children, so while I do think your mother could benefit from interacting 
with someone in the Parents' Division, I would encourage you to see the 
other side of it. Mom's just being a mom.

Now, as to training, I would encourage you to attend an NFB training center 
if for no other reason than to get away for a while. Of all the things that 
discouraged me from attending, sleep shade training was somehow never one of 
them. I am one of those individuals who still relies on his diminishing 
sight to sometimes get around, but think of it as a confidence booster. If 
you can survive six months under sleep shades, and I have no reason to doubt 
your ability, there's damn near nothing you won't be able to do.

Attending a training center just to get away? Yeah. If you happen to pick up 
some valuable skills along the way, so be it. After all, let's see it for 
what it is. At this moment you do not have a job. In other words, you have 
nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Me, I think you can do it. Go out there, knock out the classes left and 
right, learn a thing or two. I've seen you advocate for yourself. I've seen 
you network. Somehow though I think you hesitate at that critical moment. 
Maybe it's your mother's negative influence. Or, maybe it's your own 
uncertainty about your full potential.

You could go to the Lighthouse. No doubt you would learn a lot of valuable 
skills there too, but maybe you need a change of scenery. Keep us posted.

--
Twitter: @ScribblingJoe

Visit my blog:
http://joeorozco.com/blog

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ashley Bramlett
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 2:35 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words

Hi all,

I am going to mainly vent here. Although I may not attend a nfb center, I 
feel I should go for some training or get in house training from the 
lighthouse.

I want training tailored to the classes I need without sleepshades and nfb 
centers have you take everything.

Anyway, I’m very hurt that my mom won’t support training.
For those who did not read much from me before, I’ll say I grew up in a 
middle class family; pretty in tact. While I did receive fairly good 
academic support to learn braille, large print, how to label and organize 
papers, use a talking calculator, and even some jaws training, I did not 
receive much training in regard to living skills.
I did receive traditional O&M but did get much better O&M training as an 
adult from our state agency.
My vr agency instructor taught me in some what of a discovery fashion and 
she encouraged exploration and had me plan routes.
She taught me about our metro system too.

I do have basic living skills from learning via a rehab teacher who came to 
our home and attending our state center. but I did not get everything at the 
state center as ADL was only twice a week.

So, when possibly going to WSB for the IRS program came up, mom was negative 
saying no way I cannot live on my own and how I don’t try anything.
She never says anything positive to move forward. I don’t like the idea of 
WSB but it was brought up with my new counselor.

She doesn’t support training. She blames me. I’m so tired and hurt she keeps 
bllaming me. Okay, I cannot simply read a recipe and cook. you have to know 
how to cut vegies better than I do. You have to know how to measure well and 
cook meat.
I’ve seen recipies and I don’t understand the lingo.

She says things like
“oh, you don’t need training you had enough. You  just need to try things. 
You’re here often and don’t do much.” I say I do and I do my laundry and 
make sandwiches for instance. I said I looked for work myself.
I have used and tried to be actuve with the skills I have.
“Why don’t you look around the kitchen and get recipies and try to cook? you 
just aren’t adventurous. You should do more.”

I tell her I don’t know how. she just fails to get it. I am not lazy. I’m 
fairly resourceful; I even taught myself some stuff on the computer. those 
fs webinars are helpful.
When I was on my own in college, I did explore the area and went to a few 
malls on my own. My parents wouldn’t support that except for going to the 
mall where my gym is since they know I had a little orientation to it and I 
know its layout mostly. So I did use my O&M skills.
When I suggest going places, it seems I often hear from mom, I’ll be lost 
and no way I could find my way. Okay, I cannot do outside safely, but 
indoors there should be no excuse; there are people to gather directions 
from, and walls around so you can only go so far astray.
Thing is my mother is the least supportive person. Never has she showed me 
to make a dish and she did not even teach me to tie my shoes. My TVI did the 
shoe thing. Never has she tried to help me much learn anything. Well, she 
did not help my brothers much but they can see others do it via tv or 
something.

I’m so tired she blames me when she is the big problem and then to say I don’t 
need more training is worse. Its like to her, I’m a lost case, and even if I’m 
trained I won’t learn and won’t try. Not true at all. I’ve used a lot of 
skills I learned.

It is just so amazing my mom won’t support my independence and feels I’m 
incapable of it. I guess I’ll someday move and prove her otherwise.

Ashley
_______________________________________________
nabs-l mailing list
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
nabs-l:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/jsoro620%40gmail.com

_______________________________________________
nabs-l mailing list
nabs-l at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
nabs-l:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%40earthlink.net 