[nabs-l] high school question
Karl Martin Adam
kmaent1 at gmail.com
Mon Oct 20 10:54:50 UTC 2014
Hi Carly,
I appreciate that you don't want to here about exceptions to your
claim, but I think it just isn't true. High school might be
different--I was a homeschooler, so I wouldn't know--but for
those of us in college or who have jobs outside of the blindness
industry the vast majority of people we come in contact with are
sighted, and thus there really isn't opportunity to be segregated
to hang out with just the blind people. Making long term friends
is hard for everyone whether blind or sighted and may well be
harder for us, but since the vast majority of people that an
employed or in school blind person becomes acquainted with are
sighted, the vast majority of people who go from being
acquaintances to friends are typically sighted as well.
Best,
Karl
----- Original Message -----
From: Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: Ashley Bramlett <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>,National
Association of Blind Students mailing list
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>,"National Association of Blind Students
mailing list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2014 19:05:33 -0700
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] high school question
Evening, Ashley,
I''m sure many of us might concure that, beyond casual
acquaintances with whom we, as blind students could disguise as
"friends," Blind people, by and large, don't seem for whatever a
reason, to make lasting friendships with ol'Sighty. I say this
not
because I am aching to have some exception to this sort of
proclamation thrown in my face, but because it is an ideal type
of
most blinks, and a sighted majority.
Car 02:56 PM 10/11/2014, Ashley Bramlett via nabs-l wrote:
Hi,
I thought I'd comment on that subject albeit a little old.
I also had social problems in high school. I struggled to be
accepted. I also found due to the pace of school and a few
minutes
between classes, I hardly had time to get to know people, let
alone
develop a good friendship.
I was in clubs but that only helped minimally. I joined spanish
club
for instance.
Like Kaiti's experience, my college years proved better socially.
But still it was not easy finding and making friends. I could
never
say hi to familiar people walking about as I could not identify
them. I made friends in bible study but that was about it.
Ashley
-----Original Message----- From: Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l
Sent: Sunday, September 07, 2014 4:52 PM
To: Carly Mihalakis ; National Association of Blind Students
mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] high school question
I have to agree with what Kurt and Lillie said, as my high school
experience wasn't terribly great either. I did all right, and I
wasn't bullied or anything, but people didn't go out of their way
to
return social gestures I tried to put out, and that ultimately
led to
me being kind of depressed in my junior year. Ironically, that
was
when I got senioritis, and it really didn't improve till I got
accepted to my college and was relieved to get out of there.
I did a lot of what was recommended by others on this list. I
was in
the marching band for 4 years plus my 8th grade year by
invitation; I
was on the academic quiz team and was valuable in answering the
music
and genetics questions for the team; I was in women's chorus for
one
year; I was an honors/AP student. Many of my honors and ApP
classmates, bandmates, quiz team members were kids I had grown up
with
since elementary school, so I think around middle school was when
the
blindness started to become a stigma. Kids in my junior and
senior
classes didn't even speak to me, when we would play together on
the
elementary school playground. It's really sad how shallow people
can
get with age.
I have to disagree with Karl a little bit, because I consider
myself
to be a pretty extroverted person and still had social issues in
high
school. Thankfully, these have subsided a little in college, but
I
have managed to make quality friends in my fraternity, in my band
classes, and almost exclusively hang out with music majors now.
It
was different last year, and I had some of the same issues in
mixed
groups where people didn't know me as well. I think you just
have to
try to find people who are like-minded, and remember that the
people
who see blindness as a stigma or a problem you have aren't people
worth hanging around with anyway. When you find the people who
are
really cool, those are the ones you want to keep around.
On 9/6/14, Carly Mihalakis via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Afternoon, whomever you are,
Personally, I am 30 and also don't see the value of mixing much
with
my so-called peers. Growing up, I was always more interested in
conversations with teachers, always having the feeling other kids
were holding me at arm's length.
I resented how it felt as though the adults were the one's who
were invested in whether I was friends with my peers.
their And yeah, as was said, my peers were always "nice enough
to
me," but at the end of the day they really don't
see the true values of being anything closer than an
acquaintance.
would rather know that I am not wanted/do not fit in vs being
someone to
be pitied.
Part of this dates back to elementary school; quite honestly, I
was a
weird
child that not a lot of people, blind or sited wanted to be
friends with
me.
There were adults seemingly hovering all over the place, and what
elementary
school child would want to deal with that? That said, I did know
a few
pretty cool people. I was also the target once of an extended
period of
pretty not-so-good teacher behavior, shall we say. I was the kid
that was
quite sad and really did not feel that I could relate to other
people my
age.
Relating is something I still kind of have problems with today. I
don't
really feel that I care that much about today's generation trends
such as
posting enormous amounts of pictures and other weird stuff on
social
media,
and obsessing over fashion, for example. I also do not really
feel that
they
could relate to day-to-day things with blindness, such as even
the small
things like being annoyed that I had to do one of my TVI's weird
assignments
in study hall verses being able to do my homework. I sometimes
have
trouble
coming up with conversation topics with my peers aside from a
superficial
level. I also feel that I am a little more mature (I'm not sure
if that's
the right word) and that I had to grow up a lot more quickly than
my sited
peers.
Anyway, onto the original topic.
I'd definitely recommend joining some extracurriculars that you
like, or
have an interest in. I'd also try to make sure that you have the
independence skills to be able to be a valuable contributor to
the club
and
not just sit around. You have to be able to prove right from the
start
that
you have something to contribute. I've met some of my
afquaintances this
way.
One last thing to be aware of: If this is an issue, I'd make sure
that
your
school staff know that absolutely under no circumstances are they
to set
you
up with friends, in the sense to ask someone to be your friend. I
had a
group of friends (who I thought were my friends, anyway) in
middle school
who I have very strong reason to suspect, although I could never
prove it,
that my aid at the time or someone else asked them to feel sorry
for me
and
to be my friends. Anyway, once I pretty much figured it out, It
served as
a
very strong source of humiliation for me and I hope nobody else
has hod to
go through that.
I am sorry for the overall tone of this email being negative. I
am sure
most
of you have had good experiences, and I am not trying to discount
them or
create a sob story. I am just trying to paint a full picture
here.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kirt
via
nabs-l
Sent: Friday, August 29, 2014 8:59 PM
To: louvins at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students
mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
This is fascinating. High school was when I first started to
realize, if
only subconsciously, that most people don't treat me like a
normal person
and blindness is pretty much the main reason. It's gotten better
since, as
I've learned to balance quality humor with genuine competence,
but it's
not
an easy thing.
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 29, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Joshua Hendrickson via nabs-l
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Hello to Anna and all. I agree with what has already been said.
Don't be afraid to joke around about your blindness if you are
comfortable doing that. I always used to joke around in college
classes when I felt the time was right. I got a lot of pretty
good
laughs from students from time to time. I've also had a class
of
students become silent after I've made a joke and the teacher
being
afraid of offending me which I thought was pretty funny, since
I'd
been the one who made the joke in the first place. Don't be
afraid to
talk to people around you. If someone asks you a question about
blindness answer the question if you can. One time, I had a
girl
after one of my college math classes aproach me, and ask me some
questions about what it was like being blind. She wasn't even
in my
usual math class. I answered her questions, then she came up to
me in
the studen center a few days later, and asked me a question,
that I
had never thought about. She asked me how do you talk to a
blind
person? I didn't laugh, although, I thought this was a
different
question. I told her, you talk to a blind person the same way
you
talk to a sighted person. Making friends can be very nice.
Good
luck.
On 8/29/14, Sofia Gallo via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
Totally agree with Marissa, I've had a similar experience and I
joke
about stuff all the time (smile)
On 8/29/14, Marissa Tejeda via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
I know this may sound... (lack for a word right now).
I have made friends very easily all my life. High school may
seem
hard, but it really isn't. (smiles) I'm in the tenth grade, and
have bunches of friends. I am in band, but when I play with the
others, no one notices I'm blind.
It would help if I had some music, but that's a different story.
I did perform in a pep rally last year. I got two standing
ovations, (there were two rallies so everyone in the school
could
go).
I sat at a table by myself, one day. (This was just this week.)
Two
girls sat across from me. I didn't talk, so they didn't talk to
me,
(same would have happened, had I been able to see). Then, my
friends, Michelle and Jessica, came and sat by me. I started
talking with them; the two girls that sat across from me were
friends of there's. we ended up having a great time and now, I
can
ALMOST tell them by voice. I still get confused between
Michelle
and Jessica, but I'm getting better.
Just be open about it. This may sound cruel to some, but I'm so
open about my blindness, I'll joke about it in class. "I can't
see
the board, can I move?" or someone says, "I'll see you tomorrow,
Marissa." I'll turn, look at them, and say, "I won't."
It gets people laughing. I answer questions about being blind,
whenever I'm asked. Some people are shy; just say, "It's ok,
you
can ask."
They think they will offend you. Just let them know that they
won't.
If you need any help, feel free to email me off-list.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ana Martinez via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:08:49 -0600
Subject: [nabs-l] highschool question
hi all I have a question, how do you make friends in highschool,
for
me it has been difficult because there a lot of students and in
all
of my classes there are different kids ,
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--
Kaiti
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