[NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

Karl Martin Adam kmaent1 at gmail.com
Wed Aug 21 17:13:02 UTC 2019 

Hi=20Sami,=20it=20sounds=20like=20you=20don't=20really=20understand=20what=
=20online=20
dating=20apps=20are.=20=20As=20most=20people=20use=20them,=20the=20point=20=
is=20to=20match=20
with=20someone=20who=20lives=20near=20to=20you,=20talk=20for=20a=20bit,=20a=
nd=20then=20go=20
on=20a=20date=20in=20person=20and=20see=20how=20things=20go.=20=20The=20vas=
t=20majority=20of=20
people=20aren't=20interested=20in=20matching=20with=20someone=20far=20away,=
=20for=20
precisely=20the=20reasons=20you=20mention,=20and=20any=20main=20stream=20da=
ting=20app=20
lets=20you=20set=20how=20close=20you=20want=20someone=20to=20be=20in=20orde=
r=20to=20see=20
their=20profile.=20=20The=20idea=20isn't,=20at=20least=20for=20the=20vast=20=
majority=20of=20
people,=20to=20enter=20a=20relationship=20with=20someone=20you've=20never=20=
met,=20
it's=20just=20another=20way=20of=20arranging=20to=20meet=20someone=20other=
=20than=20
having=20your=20friend=20set=20you=20up=20or=20trying=20to=20meet=20someone=
=20in=20a=20bar=20
(which=20at=20least=20for=20me=20is=20a=20lot=20less=20accessible).

=20-----=20Original=20Message=20-----
From:=20Sami=20Osborne=20via=20NABS-L=20<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To:=20Michael=20Capelle=20via=20NABS-L=20<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date=20sent:=20Wed,=2021=20Aug=202019=2007:52:01=20-0400
Subject:=20Re:=20[NABS-L]=20Using=20online=20dating=20apps=20and=20putting=
=20
oneself=20out=20there

Hi=20Rahul=20and=20all,

While=20I=20have=20never=20utilized=20dating=20sites=20myself,=20I=20would=
=20
personally=20discourage=20this.=20This=20is=20not=20to=20say=20that=20no=20=
one=20should=20
do=20it,=20of=20course=E2=80=94everyone=20makes=20their=20own=20personal=20=
choices,=20but=20
in=20my=20opinion=20online=20dating=20is=20not=20really=20"dating"=20someon=
e,=20even=20
though=20you=20and=20your=20partner=20might=20consider=20it=20so.=20When=20=
you=20date=20
someone,=20you=20are=20really=20in=20their=20presence=20(in=20person),=20a=
=20lot=20of=20
the=20time,=20and=20you're=20constantly=20going=20out=20and=20showing=20aff=
ection=20
with=20each=20other.=20For=20me=20personally,=20it's=20far=20easier=20to=20=
meet=20a=20
potential=20partner=20when=20they=20live=20near=20where=20you=20live.=20The=
re=20are=20
lots=20of=20ways=20of=20meeting=20people=20in=20person=20(IE.=20maybe=20the=
y=20work=20the=20
same=20job=20as=20you,=20or=20maybe=20a=20friend=20could=20hook=20you=20up=
=20with=20your=20
future=20partner,=20or=20maybe=20you'd=20meet=20them=20at=20a=20bar=20or=20=
other=20public=20
venue,=20etc.=20Of=20course=20I=20presume=20(since=20I've=20never=20done=20=
this=20
myself)=20that=20you=20could=20ask=20to=20have=20a=20partner=20close=20to=20=
home=20when=20
setting=20up=20an=20online=20dating=20account,=20but=20you'd=20probably=20a=
lso=20have=20
no=20guarantee=20of=20that;=20you=20could=20end=20up=20with=20someone=20100=
0=20miles=20
away,=20and=20you=20might=20never=20end=20up=20seeing=20each=20other=20in=20=
person=20
because=20you=20might=20not=20have=20the=20money,=20or=20some=20other=20rea=
son.

Another=20thing=20that's=20an=20important=20factor=20in=20dating=20is=20att=
raction,=20
so=20that=20you=20know=20who=20you=20really=20have=20feelings=20for.=20Agai=
n,=20I=20could=20
be=20wrong=20about=20this,=20but=20I=20feel=20that=20this=20is=20probably=20=
a=20whole=20lot=20
easier=20in=20person=20than=20virtually;=20when=20you're=20face-to-face=20w=
ith=20
the=20person=20you=20want=20to=20be=20your=20partner,=20at=20least=20you=20=
know=20all=20the=20
features=20that=20really=20draw=20you=20to=20them.=20With=20online=20dating=
=20you=20
could=20very=20well=20end=20up=20with=20someone=20with=20something=20you=20=
don't=20like=20
in=20reality,=20even=20though=20it=20might=20not=20appear=20that=20way=20(t=
hey=20could=20
have=20bad=20breath=20(no=20offense)),=20or,=20if=20your=20partner=20is=20s=
ighted,=20
they=20could=20offer=20you=20compliments=20about,=20say,=20your=20hair=20or=
=20eyes=20
that=20draws=20them=20to=20you.=20I=20seriously=20doubt=20they'd=20be=20abl=
e=20to=20do=20
this=20while=20just=20spending=20time=20virtually.

Again,=20this=20is=20not=20to=20say=20that=20people=20shouldn't=20do=20onli=
ne=20dating=20
if=20they=20don't=20want=20to,=20but=20this=20is=20just=20my=20personal=20o=
pinion=20on=20
this.=20My=20understanding=20of=20"dating"=20is=20that=20you're=20constantl=
y=20out=20
doing=20things=20with=20your=20partner=20(as=20long=20as=20you=20both=20hav=
e=20deep=20
attractions=20to),=20going=20out,=20showing=20affection,=20offering=20
compliments,=20offer=20gifts=20to=20on=20their=20special=20day,=20and=20jus=
t=20
hanging=20out=20with=20each=20other=20a=20lot.=20Furthermore,=20if=20you=20=
date=20a=20
sighted=20partner,=20I'm=20pretty=20sure=20you'd=20want=20someone=20who=20w=
ould=20
break=20up=20just=20because=20of=20your=20blindness,=20and=20who=20just=20w=
ill=20accept=20
you=20for=20who=20you=20are=20as=20a=20person.=20Your=20partner=20would=20m=
ost=20
certainly=20want=20to=20be=20someone=20who's=20willing=20to=20guide=20you=20=
around=20
when=20necessary,=20describe=20the=20scenery=20when=20you're=20out=20if=20
unfamiliar,=20and=20who=20just=20doesn't=20view=C2=A0=20you=20as=20inferior=
=20and=20just=20
accepts=20your=20blindness=20for=20what=20it=20is:=20just=20a=20part=20of=20=
your=20
person,=20not=20the=20characteristic=20that=20defines=20you.
In=20fact,=20now=20that=20I=20think=20about=20it,=20this=20brings=20me=20to=
=20possibly=20
another=20problem=20with=20online=20dating,=20especially=20if=20you're=20vi=
sually=20
impaired:=20you=20could=20choose=20not=20to=20disclose=20to=20your=20partne=
r=20that=20
you=20have=20a=20vision=20loss,=20but=20then=20if=20you=20guys=20see=20one=
=20another,=20
he/she=20would=20automatically=20see=20your=20cane=20or=20dog=20and=20then=
=20break=20up=20
with=20you=20right=20on=20the=20spot,=20leaving=20you=20feeling=20terribly=
=20
depressed.=20In=20person=20your=20partner=20will=20just=20see=20it=20and=20=

immediately=20be=20able=20to=20make=20the=20decision=20whether=20to=20go=20=
forward=20or=20
not.

I=20hope=20I=20made=20some=20sense=20here.=20Again,=20I'm=20just=20expressi=
ng=20my=20
rather=20strong=20opinion,=20not=20trying=20to=20discourage=20anyone=20or=20=

anything.

Thanks=20for=20reading,

Sami=C2=A0=C2=A0

On=20Aug=2021,=202019=203:51=20AM,=20Michael=20Capelle=20via=20NABS-L=20
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>=20wrote:

=20Same=20here

=20-----Original=20Message-----
=20From:=20NABS-L=20<nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org>=20On=20Behalf=20Of=20Amanda=
=20via=20
NABS-L
=20Sent:=20Wednesday,=20August=2021,=202019=202:42=20AM
=20To:=20National=20Association=20of=20Blind=20Students=20mailing=20list=20=

<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
=20Cc:=20cape.amanda at gmail.com
=20Subject:=20Re:=20[NABS-L]=20Using=20online=20dating=20apps=20and=20putti=
ng=20
oneself=20out=20there

=20I=20am=20curious=20about=20this=20as=20well.=20Thanks=20for=20asking!=20=
:)

=20Amanda

=20On=20Aug=2021,=202019,=20at=203:25=20AM,=20Rahul=20Bajaj=20via=20NABS-L=
=20
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>=20wrote:

=20Hi=20All,

=20Please=20do=20forgive=20me=20if=20this=20has=20been=20discussed=20before=
.=20I=20was=20
wondering=20if=20you=20have=20any=20pointers=20about=20using=20online=20dat=
ing=20
apps,=20from=20a=20blind=20person=E2=80=99s=20standpoint.=20So=20far,=20I=20=
have=20found=20
Hinge=20to=20be=20most=20useful,=20as=20it=20is=20largely=20based=20on=20pe=
rsonality=20
traits=20rather=20than=20looks,=20but=20have=20not=20received=20a=20single=
=20
expression=20of=20interest.

=20Apart=20from=20dating=20apps,=20are=20there=20any=20other=20ways=20that=
=20you=20have=20
foubnd=20of=20putting=20yourself=20out=20there?


=20Best,
=20Rahul

=20Sent=20from=20my=20iPhone
=20_______________________________________________
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0gmail.com

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