[NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

Wed Aug 21 13:37:28 UTC 2019

I've met two persons who are blind who have met and married off Christian mingle.  Not the site I would have expected such to take place on, but, there it is.  

Dating web sites are just tools in the bag.  Transportation and seeing who is together  whey you are out is difficult for some of us, and so online dating is another avenue.  

I would do research on online dating with a disability just to get a prospective.  

I would suggest disclosing right before the date rather than in your profile, or surprising anyone.  There again, though, I know another couple who met online, one is blind and the other isn't, and the person who is blind surprised the other person and they are still together ten years later.  So, anything works, but a sudden shock or surprise is usually going to work against you.  I said usually, keep that in mind.

Do some research on how to write profiles to give you some ideas.

Get a good picture or head shot.  Most people, especially women won't e-mail you without a picture.

One advantage to online dating is that you know the people are there to date, or at least, they have a profile saying so.  That's good.  Meeting people face to face, you've got no clue, and they might be with someone at the time.

However, I would say that for us, online dating is a little of a disadvantage because you won't be able to see the person, and you're relying on description.  Also, when you disclose, the person will disappear, that is why I'm suggesting you to disclose  right before the date after they've said yes.  Do it is if you are describing what you look like, or something.  Don't make it a big deal. Be casual.  I've just found that disclosing at most other times, they disappear.  Pick restaurants or areas you are familiar with, and look up the menu before you get there so you know what you want and the date doesn't have to read the menu for the first time.  Or, just go to coffee, that's easier, and what I would do.  

I didn't do this, but anyone your interested in, or anyone who e-mails you, if you are interested, forward them to a friend for them to get a look.  I didn't do this, though, It is kind of impractical sometimes.

One more thing,

Good luck.

Knockem dead.

Justin

I have found that in my experience, almost noone introduces the blind guy to the girl among the community.  

-----Original Message-----
From: NABS-L [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Camille Tate via NABS-L
Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2019 8:40 AM
To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list' <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>; 'Sami Osborne' <sami.j.osborne97 at gmail.com>
Cc: ctate2076 at att.net
Subject: Re: [NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

I have also used dating websites, such as POF and Ok Cupid. I do not recommend them mostly because it fosters a false sense of happiness that is illusory. Whether or not you disclose your blindness, most people (in my experience it is the males) do not read your profile. They see your picture and then message you. Once you let them know you are blind, nearly all of them will disappear. It is very disheartening when that happens. 

Secondly, it is virtually impossible to grow attraction and genuine feelings through a computer. You have to have the ability to spend real time with each other to know if the initial attraction is true or not. 

I also think it is harder to discern whether the perspective partner is truthful with you about themselves or not. 

I think the best way to meet people is to go out into your community. You never know who is around the corner, so let everyone see you out there! 

Thanks,
Camille 

-----Original Message-----
From: NABS-L <nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Michael Capelle via NABS-L
Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2019 8:01 AM
To: 'Sami Osborne' <sami.j.osborne97 at gmail.com>; 'Michael Capelle via NABS-L' <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Michael Capelle <mcap at fastmail.com>
Subject: Re: [NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

I have had bad luck with dating sights.  I have used pof, eharmony, no luck.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sami Osborne <sami.j.osborne97 at gmail.com> 
Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2019 6:52 AM
To: Michael Capelle via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Michael Capelle <mcap at fastmail.com>
Subject: Re: [NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

Hi Rahul and all,

While I have never utilized dating sites myself, I would personally discourage this. This is not to say that no one should do it, of course—everyone makes their own personal choices, but in my opinion online dating is not really "dating" someone, even though you and your partner might consider it so. When you date someone, you are really in their presence (in person), a lot of the time, and you're constantly going out and showing affection with each other. For me personally, it's far easier to meet a potential partner when they live near where you live. There are lots of ways of meeting people in person (IE. maybe they work the same job as you, or maybe a friend could hook you up with your future partner, or maybe you'd meet them at a bar or other public venue, etc. Of course I presume (since I've never done this myself) that you could ask to have a partner close to home when setting up an online dating account, but you'd probably also have no guarantee of that; you could end up with someone 1000 miles away, and you might never end up seeing each other in person because you might not have the money, or some other reason.

Another thing that's an important factor in dating is attraction, so that you know who you really have feelings for. Again, I could be wrong about this, but I feel that this is probably a whole lot easier in person than virtually; when you're face-to-face with the person you want to be your partner, at least you know all the features that really draw you to them. With online dating you could very well end up with someone with something you don't like in reality, even though it might not appear that way (they could have bad breath (no offense)), or, if your partner is sighted, they could offer you compliments about, say, your hair or eyes that draws them to you. I seriously doubt they'd be able to do this while just spending time virtually.

Again, this is not to say that people shouldn't do online dating if they don't want to, but this is just my personal opinion on this. My understanding of "dating" is that you're constantly out doing things with your partner (as long as you both have deep attractions to), going out, showing affection, offering compliments, offer gifts to on their special day, and just hanging out with each other a lot. Furthermore, if you date a sighted partner, I'm pretty sure you'd want someone who would break up just because of your blindness, and who just will accept you for who you are as a person. Your partner would most certainly want to be someone who's willing to guide you around when necessary, describe the scenery when you're out if unfamiliar, and who just doesn't view  you as inferior and just accepts your blindness for what it is: just a part of your person, not the characteristic that defines you.
In fact, now that I think about it, this brings me to possibly another problem with online dating, especially if you're visually impaired: you could choose not to disclose to your partner that you have a vision loss, but then if you guys see one another, he/she would automatically see your cane or dog and then break up with you right on the spot, leaving you feeling terribly depressed. In person your partner will just see it and immediately be able to make the decision whether to go forward or not.

I hope I made some sense here. Again, I'm just expressing my rather strong opinion, not trying to discourage anyone or anything.

Thanks for reading,

Sami  

On Aug 21, 2019 3:51 AM, Michael Capelle via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>
> Same here
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NABS-L <nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Amanda via NABS-L
> Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2019 2:42 AM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: cape.amanda at gmail.com
> Subject: Re: [NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there
>
> I am curious about this as well. Thanks for asking! :)
>
> Amanda
>
> > On Aug 21, 2019, at 3:25 AM, Rahul Bajaj via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> > 
> > Hi All,
> > 
> > Please do forgive me if this has been discussed before. I was wondering if you have any pointers about using online dating apps, from a blind person’s standpoint. So far, I have found Hinge to be most useful, as it is largely based on personality traits rather than looks, but have not received a single expression of interest.
> > 
> > Apart from dating apps, are there any other ways that you have foubnd of putting yourself out there?
> > 
> > 
> > Best,
> > Rahul
> > 
> > Sent from my iPhone
> > _______________________________________________
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