[NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there

[JASON ALAMILLO]

Hello all, I have some commentary on this subject. I think that a lot of what was said about dating has been true and is true for a lot of us. First, I would like to talk about the topic of disclosure of our blindness. Sometimes I have disclosed the fact early in our conversations, and sometimes that has not worked out for me. One of the reasons I did that has been because they would send me pictures or say different things that are visual and if I know I cannot participate in the conversation any longer, then I would have to disclose it. As for other times, I have not disclosed that I am blind until they get to know me and my personality a little bit more, so that they fall for who I am and what they like about me, and so they know all of the things that I like to do, watch, talk about, and all of that. The reason for that is that once I do tell them I am blind, I don’t want them to be conflicted on whether they wanna stay with me or not, I want them to know that yes I am blind, and there is nothing wrong with that. I will say though that sometimes although I am trying to keep that person in my life, that doesn’t always work but it is worth a try.
Second, on the apps themselves, I have found it annoying that we have to pay that app or website in order to chat with people that may see our profile or send us messages, and to access other parts of their profiles or other parts of the website. I know that it is a business and they have to make money somehow, but it is annoying, but I can get over that. I do however not like that with some of these applications, they are not accessible in formats that we would need them to be, to upload photos of us, and to edit our profiles as well.
I do think that you just have to scroll through the apps and see if people live near you or somewhere near you, and that would depend on what your financial and transportation livelihoods allow you to do.
Third, about the in-person versus online dating scene, it is not easy for some people to just walk up to someone and just start talking, let alone ask them out or to hang out or for their information to contact them later. It is also difficult to find people in the community who you may be interested in, especially when they are not interested or not around. Also, not all of us have blind individuals around us if that is what we are searching for, and sometimes sighted individuals are not up to talking to us, let alone going out with us. It doesn’t mean that it couldn’t happen, but that is what I think in terms of this topic.

> On Aug 21, 2019, at 11:14 AM, Michael Capelle via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I do agree, I tell them about the blindness right away.
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: NABS-L <nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Carly Mihalakis via NABS-L
> Sent: Wednesday, August 21, 2019 1:08 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>; nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Cc: Carly Mihalakis <carlymih at comcast.net>
> Subject: Re: [NABS-L] Using online dating apps and putting oneself out there
> 
> Good mid-morning, Rahul,
> 
>         Personally, as a teenager I would sort of browse Telepersonals, a telephone dating outfit here in the Bay Area. It was ideal, all voice. I ended up meeting a couple guys in person even.
> For this reason, you have to be upfront about your blindness. No games.
> Car 12:25 AM 8/21/2019, Rahul Bajaj via NABS-L wrote:
>> Hi All, Please do forgive me if this has been discussed before. I was 
>> wondering if you have any pointers about using online dating apps, from 
>> a blind person’s standpoint. So far, I have found Hinge to be most 
>> useful, as it is largely based on personality traits rather than looks, 
>> but have not received a single expression of interest. Apart from 
>> dating apps, are there any other ways that you have foubnd of putting 
>> yourself out there? Best, Rahul Sent from my iPhone 
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