[NABS-L] Starting College, I'm Scared!

Tue Aug 4 16:16:06 UTC 2020

Hi Alisha,

A lot of good advice has already been shared on this list. One thing I will add is to give yourself grace and not be too hard on yourself. College is a big adjustment, and it can be really overwhelming sometimes. Follow the advice others have given here, but if there are times where you're just exhausted or stressed or sad, be kind to yourself and know that those emotions are normal. It took me pretty much my whole freshman year to finally feel like I was getting the hang of things and putting my roots down. So don't feel like there's something wrong with you if adjusting takes a while. You can always feel free to email me off list as well if you just need someone to talk to. My email address is singingemmanuelle at gmail.com. 

Best of luck to you!

Emmie

> On Aug 3, 2020, at 10:08 PM, Sami Osborne via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi all,
> 
> I agree with everything that's been said although to be honest, as someone who just graduated college in my home state as well as a study-abroad program in France last year, I feel like people tend to generalize the social thing. The truth is, no two colleges are the same, and you will have different opportunities depending on where you go to school. This is not to say that I'm jealous or anything—on the contrary I'm glad that so many people seemed to have had active social lives in college. However, it was really  a struggle for me to fit in, especially during my freshman year.
> 
> I guess it's best to start at the beginning. Before coming to college, I'd spent six years (7th grade till high school graduation) at a school for the blind. The main reason for that was because I faced major accommodation issues with my local public school. After graduation, I pursued my blindness training at a local training center. Just like at the school for the blind, I was surrounded by fellow blind the hard of hearing students with mostly sighted teachers. As a result, it was a sudden and major transformation when I set foot on the college campus during orientation (that is, entering into a world where the majority population was sighted). Just like you, I likely felt scared during that time, as I didn't know what to think—what would the other students think of me? Would I make friends with anyone? Would they look down on me?
> 
> The first time I met my freshman roommates was during move-in day. At that time, we were three guys all residing in the same room. They seemed nice enough in the beginning, and I even got to chat with their parents, given that I'm fluent in Spanish and they were Puerto Rican and Dominican. My first impression at that point was, all right, they seem nice, maybe we'll make friends. We had a great time having dinner in the cafeteria that first night, as well as going together to the orientation activities. When my mom came to get me to take me home for Labor Day, I loudly announced, "Bye guys!" which they then responded with, "Bye, see you later!"
> 
> However, it wasn't long before I began to see the dark side in my roommates. They were honestly two of the loudest guys I'd ever roomed with in my life. Like I mentioned in a different thread on this list earlier this evening, the two of them would often stay up past 2 or 3 AM, playing loud music and chatting with their friends (whom they brought into the room) well into the night. That can seriously mess up your sleep schedule if you're serious about obtaining your degree and just trying to get some sleep after a long day of classes and assignments. They were also both weed smokers. In the first few months of the semester, Carlos and Angel would also steal some of my personal possessions, especially when I went home on the weekends (my parents' house was only about fifteen minutes away from my school) (such as my night table, desk chair, or power strip). How did I know this? They took it cnems away without either my knowledge or consent, and they refused to put them back where they belonged until I returned to campus Monday morning. The time they stole my night table was the worst, because the guys weren't even in the room when I first came into the room. Eventually I just got so fed up and frustrated with their antics that I decided to file a complaint with our RA, who thankfully instructed Angel and Carlos to stop getting their hands on my things. However, what hurt me is that they appeared to reject me rather than accept me, as they made no effort to include me in basically anything they ever did. OK, so I may not have wanted to partake in their weed smoking, and a guy certainly needs his sleep every once in a while, but it hurt me knowing that they were including their sighted friends in their activities, and not me—their own roommate. That exserience during my freshman year was probably the most traumatic of my life, to the point where I applied for a single room for the next year and every year afterword for the rest of college (which  fortunately I was allowed to have due to my using more equipment than the average college student).
> 
> Besides my roommates, I also felt that the majority of the student body on campus was simply looking down on me because of my disabilities, especially during my freshman year. The first week of class, many students offered to help me get to class, which I politely declined. Looking back on it now, I guess I can understand why people acted that way, since it's easy for a first-time student to get lost on campus, even someone sighted. However, at the time, I didn't want anyone to view me as a pathetic weakling, you know, the poor blind guy who can't  see anything, therefore he will need help in anything and everything he does. I learned just how ignorant some people are while I was walking with another guy, who, for reasons unbenounced to me, decided to escort me to my dorm and even came into my room with me, and then he asked me what bed I was sleeping in. I mean, come on people! Why would anyone inquire as to which beds out of the three I was staying in, yet still assume that same person does not know how to get there?
> 
> That first semester, I joined an instrumental ensemble, where I accompanied the other students on the piano. At the end of the semester, we had a concert with a live audience, and no one even bothered to tell me what a good job I'd done. In fact, one student was even surprised that I could even play music at all, and even went up to the director to ask: "Can this guy really play music?" It was like I was this invisible being who didn't really exist at all, someone inferior and less than human (I have no idea if that's was going on in their minds, but I certainly felt that way at the time). Later, in the Spring semester of that year, I again played the piano at a talent show that was organized, and I ended up winning first prize. Well, guess what? Nobody even bothered to come up and congratulate me on my victory. Again, you know how much that hurts? The only person who did was the organizer of the show, but that exhilaration didn't even last a full minute, because guess what," the next question that came out of her mouth was, Do you need help getting back to the dorm?
> 
> On top of that, I found it extremely difficult to find people who had the same interests and talents as me. I'd declared my major in the study of foreign languages and cultures in hopes of becoming a language interpreter. Unfortunately, though, it seems not too many people are interested in the study of foreign languages, especially here in America. I did end up joining the instrumental ensemble my first semester, but I ended up quitting after the first time, not because I didn't like it, but because I wanted to concentrate more on the classical music pieces my piano teacher was giving me. Ytunately, though, my social life wasn't entirely tragic, as I did manage to make a few friends, who I hung out with either in the cafeteria or during class. However, it was definitely not as many people as I knew I would have wanted. It came to a point where I decided, fine, if these people don't want me as part of their circle, then I'm going to stop trying to fit in with them. That message was starting to become loud and clear for me, and I decided it would be best to do that rather than making a big thing about it and possibly either making them angry or forcing them to come up with excuses for why they felt that way towards me. So I more or less just hung out in my room most of the time, except to go to class, the cafeteria, or home on the weekends.
> 
> It wasn't until the spring semester of my junior year that I finally saw a glimmer of hope and window of opportunity for my social skills. That semester, like I mentioned earlier, I studied abroad at St. John's University in Paris, France, where my mother is from originally (by the way, Julie, I'm so glad you're back on this list—you may recall my posts on Facebook where I went into detail about my experiences there). Anyway, it was at St. John's that my social life really started looking up. Unlike at St. Thomas Aquinas (the main institution I attended), pretty much all the students there really began to accept me for the person I really was. From the moment I walked into the cafeteria that first morning of orientation, all the staff and students became incredibly friendly towards me, helping me  whenever I needed it (they always made sure to ask me whether or not I renuired the assistance rather than outright doing it), as well as including me in any and all conversatinns. For the first time in three years, I finally had a whole group of people who I could open up with, who were more than willing to guide me during trips and excursions the school was having, and who were just plain friendly and compassionate. Of course, this man very well have had to do with the small, friendly community of the campus, but it was such a relief nonetheless.
> 
> To this day, since my graduation, I still have no idea what the catalyst was for my rather tragic social upbringing at St. Thomas Aquinas College. It could very well have been my lack of skills needed to attract the attention of my sighted peers after spending 7-8 years out of the mainstream. It could have been the community of 5000 students on campus, whereas St. John's University in Paris only has about 25-30 students at a time, making the social environment so much easier. It could have been the passive-aggressive nature I chose to deal with over-protective people. As a matter of fact, some people have blamed me for their own behavior, feeling that they were just trying to be kind. I know and realize that now, but at the time it felt like they were looking down on me, causing me to feel irritated, especially since I felt like I knew my way around the campus, having spent the summer working with my mobility instructor the summer before my freshman year. Maybe some people were just ignorant by assuming that they knew everything there was to know about a blind individual. Or maybe all four of these factors could have contributed to my demise.
> 
> On the other hand, though, I should point out that while the social sceen in college may or may not be exactly what you're looking for, the academic setting is usually very good, particularly in a small liberal arts college like I attended. The greatest thing about college is that you get to learn lots of great new things, and you can even improve your skill levels and abilities in some levels. For example, through middle and high school, I had trouble making inferences and connections with the material and real life, but it's something I feel I've gotten better at during college. I also learned to express myself more eloquently, both orally and through writing (which was important, since a lot of the papers I had to do had to be at least five pages in length). time class size is also rather small—about 20-30 students in one classroom, which is about what you'd expect in a typical middle/high school setting. The advantage of this is that the professor can really get to know all the students, and class discussions are very much promoted. Group discussions are also a great way to enhance your social life and get to know other students, particularly if the assignment is in reference to themselves.
> 
> I really hope I didn't scare you even more with my story; that wasn't my intention at all. My point was simply to point out that while most people on the college campus are great, some are clearly not, either because they use substances or simply because they're downright ignorant. Some people see their college experience as life-changing, whereas I'd describe mine more as a whirlwind of ups and downs.
> 
> I also apologize to everyone for the rather rambly nature of my post, but some of you who have me on Facebook know that I'm a really eloquent writer.
> 
> Thanks very much for reading.
> 
> Sami            
> 
> On Aug 2, 2020 5:17 PM, Julie McGinnity via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>> Hi Alisha,
>> 
>> It's totally normal to be freaked out at the prospect of starting
>> college.  It's a new journey, and college is completely different from
>> high school.
>> 
>> Agree with what has been said in previous messages.  Sometimes it
>> seems like a daunting task, making friends in college.  Try to engage
>> with people in your dorm if you're living on campus this year.
>> Introduce yourself to everyone you can, and invite your room or suite
>> mates to go to dinner or coffee with you.  Also, think about the kinds
>> of organizations you've been involved with in high school.  All of
>> that should be available to you in college as well.  Church groups,
>> sports teams, interests and hobbies...  You can find almost anything
>> to join in college, seriously.
>> 
>> Most importantly, be yourself.  It sounds cheesy, and I'm sorry for
>> that.  But college isn't about being overly outgoing, super
>> competitive, or anything else.  There are all types in college, so
>> think about your values and what's important to you, and keep those
>> things close.
>> 
>> I wish you all the best!  College and grad school were the best times
>> of my life, and I hope the same for you.
>> 
>> Julie
>> 
>> On 8/2/20, Cory McMahon via NABS-L <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> I will echo those who have said that feeling "scared" is normal.
>>> Through school, I never thought college was for me; now, though, I've
>>> embraced it.
>>> 
>>> I believe it is critically important to reach out to as many resources as
>>> possible; doing so will make things easier.
>>> 
>>> Please feel free to reach out if you need anything:
>>> 
>>> Cory.j.mcmahon at gmail.com
>>> 
>>> Sincerely,
>>> 
>>> Cory McMahon
>>> 
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: NABS-L <nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org> On Behalf Of Alisha Geary via
>>> NABS-L
>>> Sent: Sunday, August 2, 2020 9:33 AM
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: Alisha Geary <alishag.important2018 at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: [NABS-L] Starting College, I'm Scared!
>>> 
>>> Hello,
>>> 
>>> As you might could tell, I've just graduated high school, and I'm starting a
>>> new chapter of my life, and I'm kind of going in blindly, pun extremely
>>> intended. 😎👍 Did I get any props on the comedy? I don't like being the
>>> extremely scared weirdo lol, but that's not the point. Anyways, does anyone
>>> have tips for this first time college freshmen blind girl? If so, please
>>> please please share them. Give me all you got. Thanks for reading my strange
>>> cry for help.
>>> 
>>> Kind regards,
>>> Alisha
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>> 
>> -- 
>> Julie A. McGinnity
>> MM Vocal Performance, 2015; American University Washington College of
>> Law, JD Candidate 2023
>> 
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