[nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
Cathryn Bonnette
cathrynisfinally at verizon.net
Sun Jun 20 09:21:44 UTC 2010
Hi Gail,
Just reading about your ordeal getting approved to use a guide dog through a
school. I suppose you have considered all the options available with dogs
for combinations of disabilities (?) My heart goes out to you- I remember
my struggle to get my first dog. I still had fragile sight in my left eye-
20/100 so the group in San Rafael didn't want to allow me to get a guide
dog. It took 3 years for them to come around. It never occurred to me to
apply to other schools then, because the few persons I knew with guide dogs
got them from that school. When I was finally accepted, I had a horrible
experience, and put lots of distance between them and me as soon as I got my
guide. (I think they made some changes later, but given what I know, I don't
trust them) Anyway, I'm in your cheering section- and I believe you will
succeed ultimately. Even though I don't know you yet, it is no accident that
you have come a long way!
Cathryn (& Abby)
-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Gail
Sent: Saturday, June 19, 2010 8:34 PM
To: nagdu at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
I'm not much of a hoop jumper myself- I'm the type that, till now, has been
more likely to say "the 'bleep' with you, I'll solve It myself." And did,
with two service dogs who worked great with me. But now, I cant do that. And
having to depend on getting a doctor to sign off on a symptom that fits the
legal definition of blindness, but that isnt the symptom that gives me my
real problem- the lack of depth perception, the inability to know if that is
an oil spot or a hole in the ground kind of problem. I wish to God the
powers that be included that in their little list of signs of blindness,
because that has been something I have struggled with all my life, but that
has gotten worse in recent years, due, I think, to side effects of
antidepressants. It makes me mad when people belittle it...its freaking hard
to live without depth perception. Someone hands me something- I have to tell
them to hold still, and let me take it from their hand, or put it down, so I
can pick it up. One of my kids decides they want something off my desk- I
reach for an item I had put down, but they moved, and I knock everything
around it over. Its odd that many regard it as blindness, but I've not met
any doctor, etc who does, when it ruins my life just as much in its own way
as spots or tunnel vision, etc.
Add to this Meniere's disease-the reason I have 'three legs". Without a cane
or crutch, I might walk across the room straight just fine. But more likely
I would walk that distance, then suddenly lurch to one side and have to
catch myself on my crutch, furniture or whatever. I've never had a fall in
public, thank God, but around the house I'm kidded about being Harvey
Wallbanger! People with Meniere's often are mistaken for drunks, because of
the balance problem that comes along with the hearing loss. For me, the
hearing loss is slow, and the balance is handled with a cane/forearm crutch
and, till my last SD retired herself, the counterpull of the harness handle
of my service dog as we went along. Simple solution, that had me booking
along faster and safely than my notoriously fast walking husband!
Its so hard, having had the freedom to train my own dog, but no longer, to
have to go through tests, hoping that this square peg will fit into a round
hole that isnt even the thing I have the most trouble with. To have to go to
one doctor after another, taking the same test over and over, hoping that
*this time* he will sign off and tell me I qualify to apply, has been
emotionally traumatic. To hope, to have my fate in the hands of strangers
half way across the country, has been so hard.
I chose GDB for a number of reasons, most practical, some sentimental. I'll
call them, talk to them next week (does anyone have a particular person they
think would be best to talk to?). If things dont work out for there, I'll
try elsewhere, and hope that things click together.
The caring and help of you all has meant a great deal to me. More than you
can ever guess. I have felt very alone in this quest, because though I do
own my own SD group in Yahoogroups, as list mom, I'm kind of expected to be
a mom to them-the one who they go to with problems. Moms arent supposed to
dump their problems on their kids, and I dont want to tell them all this,
and then, if I get told by the school or doctors, 'no, you dont qualify', I
m going to be devastated. I went through one trauma, many years ago, and
dragged the group through that, and swore I would never do it again. Here, I
can talk about whats happening, and you all know what its like, and can help
me. In my group, folks wouldnt know, since they are all owner trainers like
myself, and could only offer sympathy, and be stressed by watching me go
through it, especially those who are very fragile emotionally. I want to
spare them that. Thank you for giving me a safe 'home', with friends I can
talk to.
Gail
-------Original Message-------
From: Julie J
Date: 6/19/2010 5:08:19 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
Gail,
Here's what I'd do, your mileage may vary.
I'd pick which guide dog school I was most interested in. I'd give them a
Call and have a honest discussion about my situation. I'd lay it all
Out...what the tests say, what the doctor thinks, what additional limiting
Factors I have, what I need from the program and anything else that is
Relevant to the situation. If the program was willing to work with me, I'd
Stick with them and follow through with whatever they felt necessary to
Continue.
If they weren't willing to work with me, I'd politely thank them for their
Time and hang up. I'd call the program that I was next most interested in.
Rinse and repeat as necessary.
That's just me. I'm not a hoop jumper. I'll cooperate and do what I need
To do, but I need some good faith effort on the part of the program too.
JMHO
Julie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Gail" <deerskin at oct.net>
To: <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, June 19, 2010 4:29 PM
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
> >From what I've seen on all the schools' sites, they ask for an applicant
> >to
> be 'legally blind'. I thought that had to be determined by a doctor, as in
> the doc tests you, and says 'you are legally blind', and will fill out
> paperwork to that effect. This current doctor doesnt seem that he will do
> that-he keeps coming up with different things he wants me to do, and
> changing his mind on the DX.
>
> We are going to investigate next week if we can get a different doctor,
> but
> Kansas medicaid limits me severely in all directions-doctors, medications,
> treatments, etc. Thats why so far we've been going back to him. We
> actually
> thought yesterday would be the end of the situation, that he would make
> his
> determination, and that would be that. We had no idea he would continue to
> string this out.
>
> Actually, its been two Humphries with him, and another at another doctor,
> so
> its been 3, with the same results. So what would happen if I were to ask
> him
> to send his 'report', with the Humphries test results and I'm sure he
> would
> give his comments that he doesnt think I'm blind....what would a school
> think of that? The tests saying one thing, but the doctor's report being
> inconclusive? Thats the *only* reason we've continued with this malarky...
> because i thought schools had to have the doctor sign off on me. That isnt
> necessary?
>
> Gail
>
>
>
> -------Original Message-------
>
> From: Julie J
> Date: 6/19/2010 3:53:12 PM
> To: NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
>
> Gail,
>
> I'm confused. It is up to you what test and medical procedures you
> Participate in. The doctor can offer his opinions and his recommendations,
> But it is up to you as to what to do about them. If you aren't comfortable
> With something, ask for more info or just say no.
>
> I guess I don't understand why you are going through all these tests and
> Doctors appointments. If it's just to get a guide dog, I'd stop. You have
> Taken 3 visual fields tests, which should be enough for any of the guide
> dog
>
> Programs to review and consider.
>
> If the doctor thinks something neurological is causing your vision loss,
> Then that would be an entirely different situation. I do know that in many
> States there is transportation to medical appointments available through
> Medicaid.
>
> Hope you can get it sorted out,
> Julie
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Gail" <deerskin at oct.net>
> To: <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, June 18, 2010 5:58 PM
> Subject: [nagdu] Tired, depressed and discouraged
>
>
>>
>> Well, we got back a little while ago, and I dont know what to think or
>> do.
>
>> The doc ran the Humphries *again* (third time now), and got the same kind
>> of
>>
>> Results. He just cant figure why-or accept- I see the dots around that
>> Central light, and miss the others. It doesnt matter that I tell him
>> 1)its
>
>> Hard to sit there staring at that tiny yellow dot *and* catch all the
>> white
>> Dots. 2) its hard to keep my concentration from wandering now and then,
>> so
>
>> That makes me lose some of them. 3) I see them, but I always click fast
>> Enough to catch one before another pops up.4) some I miss just because I
>> Have things floating in my eyes becaue of being tired or headache, so
>> those
>> Can distract or cover dots.
>>
>> So, now he seems to have backed out of the Dxs he had given me before,
>> and
>
>> Now wants me to have an MRI and go to Kansas City- a drive of over 100
>> miles
>>
>> One way- to see a neuro there. I'm so tired and depressed that I cant
>> Remember any more of what he said. But that trip will be expensive for
>> us-we
>> have been married 20 years, and have never been able to afford to go to
>> KC
>
>> for anything other than to the airport to pick up someone-exhausting for
>> me,
>> and I'm supposed to go there and be in one piece for more testing?! This
>> is
>> getting weirder every time we go to this guy, but he keeps saying he has
>> to
>> have this done. Yeah, like he said today's Humphries would be the
>> definite
>
>> test....
>>
>>
>> But when three tests have the same results, of the visual field being the
>> Same, why cant he accept that I have problems/legally blind, and we take
>> Care of the KC trip some other time? This guy is driving me nuts, with
>> his
>
>> Inability to stick with one dx or accept what tests show him.... And with
>> not even the dx he gave me 2 weeks ago, I'm toast.
>>
>> Gail
>>
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