[nagdu] BOOK ON SELF-DEFENSE
Susan Jones
sblanjones11 at sbcglobal.net
Thu Mar 11 02:05:52 UTC 2010
National Braille Press has a book called SAFE WITHOUT SIGHT. Offhand, I
can't remember the author's name, but I read it a number of years ago, and
thought it had a lot of excellent ideas.
You could probably get it thru NLS.
-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Tracy Carcione
Sent: Wednesday, March 10, 2010 8:01 AM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Gender differences WAS harness signs
Tami, it is outrageous that you were attacked by staff at the Living Skills
Center! If I'd been attacked, I expect I would feel more anxious about the
various jerks I encounter. Perhaps you could take a self-defense course? I
hear it can be a real confidence-builder for those uncomfortable situations.
I wonder if that would be one of those leave-the-dog-at-home situations?
Ben doesn't mind when my husband and I are dancing, but he might care if he
thought someone were attacking me.
A sort of funny thing happened in class once. We were working an evening
route, and I was walking along by myself with my dog when I heard someone
sneaking around behind me in the nearby parking lot. My city instincts
kicked in and I got nervous. I think I may have challenged whoever it was
in my most ferocious New Yorkese, like, Hey who's there! Or maybe I just
hustled away from there. Turns out it was the instructor following us. I
think I surprised him. But I don't like being followed around in the night!
But before, I was talking about how people treat my husband like an idiot,
now that he's blinder than he used to be. Not in a dangerous bullying way,
just the "Here deary" way, same as they do me. I wish I could help him deal
with it. It is very annoying. Or convince people that blind people are not
actually idiots. But some people just can't be convinced, just like some
can't be convinced that No petting the dog applies to them.
Tracy
> Tracy,
>
> It's hard to say, really, if it's because I'm a woman who is blind or
> just because I'm blind. Maybe it would be more accurate to say the
> gender perception is on my part? And it could have more to do with
> size and build than with how body parts are organized. /smile/ When
> my physical space is violated -- and that now extends to my dog -- I
> guess there's part of me that would like to be big and brawny enough
> to have the option of knocking the offender down. /rin/ Moreso,
> there have been a few times I've realized they were likely to knock me
> down because they were doing the big bad bully thing, clearly seeing a
> blind person as easy prey. It hasn't ever gone that far, outside of
> the living skills program, but I do not like feeling vulnerable that
> way!
>
> I'm also probably a lot more anxious when I perceive even a possible
> physical threat because I was assaulted there, and I am still having
> to pay for treatment for injuries from more than one staff person. So
> I'm sure I have more of a tendency to wonder if someone acting hinky
> is going to "get"
> me and wonder if I need to be prepared to "get" them first or if I can
> "get"
> them to not "get" me, or whatever. It's not a way I am accustomed to
> thinking or feeling, and it's not really all that dramatic and strong,
> just uncomfortable.
>
> I do associate those feelings with growing up in a place where women
> would be doing great to move up to second class citizen. Now that I'm
> back in the ranks of the insignificant, not "real" people, I do
> sometimes feel there's a gender bias involved where they may not
> really be. Huh...
>
> Either way, the regular encounters with boneheads, bozos and jerks
> need to be dealt with constructively, even if that just means getting
> them out of your way so you can continue down the sidewalk. /smile/
> Whatever motivated a person to do something negative or even harmful
> or dangerous is not what's important.
>
> Learning to deal with the negative emotions that I experience as a
> result is difficult, but that's another of those things we each have
> to learn to deal with in our own way. /smile/
>
> Tami Smith-Kinney
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Tracy Carcione
> Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 11:57 AM
> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
> Subject: Re: [nagdu] Gender differences WAS harness signs
>
> Tami, are you sure you're getting the helpless idiot treatment because
> you're a woman? I get it too, and it drives me buggy, but my husband
> is losing his sight, and one of the things he hates about it is that
> so many people treat him like a helpless idiot. I don't know how to
> help him deal with it, either. There is the old snappy comeback "only
> my wife calls me sweetie" for instance, but it's hard to have the
> snappy comeback when you need it.
> Tracy
>
>
>> Oh, the gender difference drives me batty sometimes. Well, quite a
>> bit of the time. /grin/ I prefer using direct, clear communication
>> to convey and receive thoughts and ideas. But, no, I've developed
>> this extensive repertoire of indirect, even -- I daresay! -- passive
>> aggressive, means of convincing people to just stay out of my way and
>> let me go about my business.
>>
>> It has been very hard to get used to, as has being treated like I'm
>> insignificant and helpless and, well, you know a l'il lady. Ugh! I
>> don't notice it so much now that I've had plenty of exposure, but at
>> first it just got me all hot and bothered.
>>
>> The awareness that li'l ol' me and my funny poodle dog represent
>> blind people and guide dog users the world over also makes dealing
>> with the everyday space invasions, disruptions, obstructions, etc.,
>> more stressful.
>> It also makes coming up with a response I can live with difficult. I
>> guess I've adapted enough to have all those schticks and spiels and
>> whatever to keep it down to a bearable level, and I'm used to it
>> enough that I don't even notice it sometimes, or at least I accept it
>> as part of walking around doing my thing. Especially when I have to
>> take the bus or the train to do my thing! I love having the bus and
>> train, and I love riding them and listening to the people around me
>> because I am an inveterate people watcher.
>>
>> I just prefer the people to stay out of my space and mind their own
>> business! /lol/
>>
>> I've also decided to go ahead and be effing rude when someone crosses
>> the line and a civil response doesn't work to get them back onto
>> their own side.
>> If onlookers want to think that blind people are inherently obnoxious
>> because of it, oh, well! If they're close enough to observe my
>> response/reaction, they're close enough to see what provoked it. I
>> can't help it if they have no judgment of their own!
>>
>> Every now and then when I start yapping on about some of these things
>> we li'l blind ladies have to put up with -- either something I heard
>> about or something that happened to me -- to DD, he gets all manly
>> and belligerent.
>> "I just don't have patience for that sort of thing," he will say darkly.
>> "I'll only put up with it so long. Then I'll cold cock 'em!"
>>
>> Ah, to be a big, tall, strapping fella! /grin/ In theory, that
>> simple, straightforward, direct solution to the problem sounds much
>> too tempting.
>> Then I remember that I don't have the physique for it anyway, so I
>> couldn't really make it work. Which is probably why I can cheerfully
>> admit to letting my brain carry on with images of cane whacking
>> someone about the head and shoulders while my good sense searches for
>> a practical response.
>> /evil grin/ The mental image is very, very satisfying to my inner,
>> uh, whatever you want to call it; also, the imaginary cane is much
>> more substantial and impressive a weapon than the light things I
>> actually carry in my back pocket or purse. Unfortunately, actually
>> following through on the image would just make me look really,
>> really, foolish and, honestly, completely nutty. /grin/
>>
>> Not that DD goes around knocking down people who annoy him! Which is
>> a good thing for me. /grin/ Still, he does have the option of
>> looking stern and puffing up the muscles just a bit to remind people
>> he can if he wants to.
>> I
>> try that on, and it just gets me more grief. That posturing is
>> something I do when ribbing with my buds to make them laugh. /lol/
>>
>> Stepping between someone and my dog is something I do, too, but then
>> I'm face to face with some fool who doesn't respect me. It will
>> suddenly occur to me that this may not turn out well for me if the
>> person's aggression turns physical. Apparently, my years growing up
>> as a skinny, shirley temple clone of a brainy girl taught me
>> something, because in my youth actually pulled that sort of thing off
>> with violently mentally unstable (too much of that inbred
>> population!) men who were working up to an assault on one or another
>> of my friends. There I would suddenly be, nose-to-nose with someone
>> much bigger than me bent on irrational violence... Oops! But they
>> always backed down in the end. Huh. Then I grew up and moved away
>> and didn't have to use that strange little skill until I started
>> going about being all blind and stuff...
>>
>> Then again, I've been paying a lot for physical therapy for attacks
>> from behind from people who were being paid to help me. So now I
>> have this sense of vulnerability that I really hate. I've also
>> learned some techniques to adapt my cowgirl physical self-defense
>> skills to use on humans. Haven't had to use that, but wish I had
>> gone with my gut when the attacks occurred!
>> I
>> had not previously been subject to physical violence in my adult
>> life, so just wasn't expecting it, tried to remain calm and use
>> passive self-defense unstil I could deal with it in a civilized
>> manner... Oh. Bad move on my part. We blind people are, like or
>> not, fair game. Those people who inflicted the injuries I continue
>> to recover from -- and that others are paying to recover from --
>> still have jobs.
>>
>> Speaking of learning things the hard way! Be careful what you type
>> when you're using JAWS and have dogs around. /lol/ I took a little
>> break and was putzing in the kitchen, bent over to pick up something
>> I had dropped just as Daisy hound decided to dash in front of me...
>> Taking a coonhound skull ridge to the orbital bone didn't quite cold
>> cock me, but I have felt a little strange for the past few minutes.
>> Apparently, she is more hard-headed than I am. /grin/
>>
>> Tami Smith-Kinney
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Jeanette Beal
>> Sent: Tuesday, March 09, 2010 5:58 AM
>> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>
>> I'm wondering how much of the interaction between public and dog is
>> gender-based to the handler? As a woman, I know that I'm interacted
>> with on a slightly different level than men - called 'little lady' by
>> many-a-older-guy on public transit, etc. I know there was a study
>> done recently (um, 20/20 special so not really a study) with a blind
>> man & a blind woman trying to buy pastries in a shop and the woman
>> was actually stood up for/defended more readily by an incredulous
>> public than the man.
>> Is
>> this because women are inherently viewed as inferior and in need of
>> protection? Probably.
>> So when a female handler walks around with her dog is it much easier
>> to disregard her and interact with her dog? Perhaps. I've had men
>> spit in my face because I told them to leave my dog alone. Granted he
>> spit in my face after he started petting my dog and I said no and he
>> said F-off and I said oh really? And stepped between dog & dude and
>> dude then pushed at me so I slapped him in the face and he spit on me
>> and then....ran away. But the main point was I said no and he said
>> "so?" and continued his bad behavior.
>> I have a hard time with this subject. It's so rooted in my need for
>> safety in public as a woman - using public transit and getting groped
>> by a dude behind or next to me feels as dirty and disgusting as
>> unauthorized petting of my dog by a stranger. So how do I reconcile
>> my need for safety and autonomy with the day-to-day hassles all
>> handlers have in public?
>> I do so by not allowing people to pet my dog. By demanding that I be
>> asked first. By expecting my answer to be respected - if I say no it
>> means no.
>> This goes for my body as much as my dog's. And unfortunately the
>> waiting public takes away that I'm a rude, withholding human. But my
>> safety is more important than public image.
>> Unfortunately we aren't in a vacuum and all blind people speak for
>> all blind people in front of AB folks. So when someone lets the
>> public pet their dog in harness they send a message that I will to.
>> And when I say no and am assumed rude I send a message that all blind
>> people are rude.
>> It's a crappy inter-connected all-disabled-folk-are-the-same world.
>> Jeanette
>>
>> On Tue, Mar 9, 2010 at 8:12 AM, Albert J Rizzi
>> <albert at myblindspot.org>wrote:
>>
>>> now there is the honest one in the group. I must confess that I too
>>> enjoy it when people take notice of my handsome lad. I do stop to
>>> let him take in the praise at times, though I always take his
>>> harness off. Now before you all go mad about that, it is a conscious
>>> decision I make and am willing to make for my dog and all the good
>>> work he does, I feel that if time allotted when I take the harness
>>> off it reinforces the work thing and out of work thing
>> for
>>> the dog. It also embarrasses the petting offender and they always
>>> insist
>> I
>>> not go to any great lengths, which always allows for a honest and
>>> open I really should bet t my meeting.
>>>
>>> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
>>> CEO/Founder
>>> My Blind Spot, Inc.
>>> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
>>> New York, New York 10004
>>> www.myblindspot.org
>>> PH: 917-553-0347
>>> Fax: 212-858-5759
>>> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one
>>> who is doing it."
>>>
>>>
>>> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf Of Tamara Smith-Kinney
>>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 6:39 PM
>>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>>
>>> Hmm... Maybe someone should make a project out of finding a
>>> mutt-ugly scurvy cur, slappying a guide dog harness on it and
>>> heading out into
>> public
>>> to see what happens? /grin/ I've thought of designing a special
>>> poodle cut to uglify Mitzi... I could have the groomer do her all
>>> lopsided and patch and stuff, then put odd dye patches on her here
>>> and there...
>>>
>>> Whaddaya think? Should I go for it? /grin/
>>>
>>> Or maybe someone could invent a spray, like that stuff that is
>>> supposed to keep pets away from certain areas. In fact, isn't it
>>> called "Pet Away?"
>> or
>>> stomething? Maybe if we sprayed are dogs with anti-human pheromones
>>> we could go about our business in peace? /lol/
>>>
>>> Okay, so my dirty little secret is that I've sort of gotten to enjoy
>>> the attention my poodle gets, now that we've learned to deal and
>>> move on.
>>> Unless she's in hussy mode, in which case, I just have to deal until
>>> I can make a graceful exit or haul out the jaws of life to separate
>>> her from the bestest friend ever she just made. /smile/ I figure I
>>> can embarrass myself enough that I may as well let the dog find ways
>>> to embarrass me so long as it makes everybody happy... Sigh. Maybe
>>> it has something to do with living in Portland? Part of me
>>> remembers the place as the oversized redneck town of my youth; it's
>>> fun talking to long-time resident cabbies who remember
>> it
>>> the same way. But in the past (I will not admit how many) years,
>>> it's grown and changed along and now it's sort of... Funky? Funny?
>>> Kind of getting
>> to
>>> be cosmopolitan but with a super progressive political bent and a
>>> strong flavor of small-town friendliness. It can make going out and
>>> about a lot of fun, in a funy, weird way.
>>>
>>> So long as one remembers to take into account the growing number of
>>> homeless people with dogs of uncertain temperament downtown... That
>>> population has grown over the past few years, and while the scary
>>> dogs we've passed have been kept under control by their ragged and
>>> dirty humans, it seems to take a lot of effort from the human to
>>> keep the dog from going for my sweet precious. Yikes! Still, with
>>> the housing situation here, as in so many places, it's to be
>>> expected. Sigh. Otherwise, though, Portland is a pretty cool
>>> place.
>>>
>>> You just don't stand a prayer of going more than five steps without
>> someone
>>> saying something about your dog. /grin/
>>>
>>> Tami Smith-Kinney
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf Of Albert J Rizzi
>>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 2:05 PM
>>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>>
>>> What if we all got the ugliest dogs imaginable? Do you think that
>>> would
>> cut
>>> down on the petting distractions?
>>>
>>> Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
>>> CEO/Founder
>>> My Blind Spot, Inc.
>>> 90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
>>> New York, New York 10004
>>> www.myblindspot.org
>>> PH: 917-553-0347
>>> Fax: 212-858-5759
>>> "The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one
>>> who is doing it."
>>>
>>>
>>> Visit us on Facebook LinkedIn
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf Of Marsha Drenth
>>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 4:39 PM
>>> To: 'NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users'
>>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs
>>>
>>> Now here is where I have seen a improvement. My husband purchased me
>>> a
>> sign
>>> for my pup for the harness for Christmas, and she has been wearing
>>> it since.
>>> Granted not all that long. But I have had only one person try to pet
>>> my
>> pup
>>> since. I don't think this person could read, and most likely had
>>> other disabilities. Before, I had so many people try to pet her. I
>>> was trying
>> and
>>> just dreaded going places because of the number of people who wanted
>>> to
>> pet
>>> her. So in my situation, the sign has definetly worked wonders!
>>>
>>> JMO
>>> Marsha
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf Of Julie J
>>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:43 PM
>>> To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
>>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] harness signs was guide dogs
>>>
>>> I don't think the signs make any difference anyway.
>>>
>>> I have a sign on Monty's harness that says "Please don't pet me I'm
>>> working". For folks who have difficulty with words there is also a
>> picture
>>> of a hand reaching to pet a dog with a giant red slash through it.
>>> You'd
>>> think people would get the hint, but they don't. I have noticed
>>> absolutely no difference in the amount of petafiles since I started
>>> with the sign.
>>>
>>> Just today I had some guy reach out to pet Monty just as we're
>>> getting ready
>>>
>>> to cross the street of all things. He explained that he had been
>>> petting the dog in training on the college campus earlier. As if
>>> that made it
>> okay
>>> or something. Torks me. But Monty got my revenge, he backed up and
>>> gave the death ray eyeball look. LOL Go Monty!
>>>
>>> Julie
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Meghan" <meghan at n-republic.net>
>>> To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
>>> <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 12:15 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [nagdu] guide dogs
>>>
>>>
>>> > No, they don't give you a sign for the harness, but you get cards
>>> that
>>> you
>>>
>>> > can hand out.
>>> >
>>> > They make it clear that they discourage petting, but they advise
>>> > you
>>> on
>>> > how to approach it if you are going to allow it, too.
>>> >
>>> > Hope that helps,
>>> > Meghan
>>> > ----- Original Message -----
>>> > From: "Jennifer L Finley" <jenniferfinley at embarqmail.com>
>>> > To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
>>> > <nagdu at nfbnet.org>
>>> > Sent: Monday, March 08, 2010 3:28 PM
>>> > Subject: [nagdu] guide dogs
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >> Does the seeing eye have the please don't pet me signs? Do they
>>> >> use anything to let the public know to not pet the dog?
>>> >> _______________________________________________
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>>
>> --
>> Jeanette Beal
>> MS.Ed Assistive Technology
>> Independent Consultant
>> Boston, MA 02115
>> bealjk at gmail.com
>> http://twitter.com/bealjk
>> http://bealjk.tumblr.com/
>>
>> "Talent is an invention like phlogiston after the fact of fire" -
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