[nagdu] the body language workshop
Tamara Smith-Kinney
tamara.8024 at comcast.net
Mon Apr 11 06:45:12 UTC 2011
Lisa,
I've heard that one a time or two myself, and I always have to shake my head
to get my brains back in order. Huh??? /lol/
Some people, trying to be politically correct out of genuine consideration
combined with confusion can be amusing in their efforts not to use the word
(gasp!) blind. I still find their efforts somehow insulting, but I can tell
they're trying and some I've known enough to see that they truly do respect
me as a person. Just not enough, apparently, to get that I have figured out
I'm blind and see the word as a descriptor not an insult. I don't think it
makes me less, just different. It's a PITA, but many things are. You just
deal, right? To me, the assumption that I can neither grasp nor deal with
such an obvious truth as my own blindness comes off as an insult. But since
I know their intent....
Oddly, the couple (I don't think I'm up to a few yet) of people who have
popped up with "hard of seeing" seem to be more, I dunno, negative in their
attitude toward me as an individual because of the state of my retinas...
Or is that retinae? They don't know me, they just see the dog or the cane,
and they beat around the bush about my dire condition because I'm inferior
somehow mentally and morally or whatever.... So it's infuriating! I don't
know that it's the phrase itself; just the people who have used it to refer
to me who make it downright offensive.
So I pull out the vocabulary and encyclopedia speak to make sure they get
the point that they are hard of thinking and hard of speaking their own
language. Then I smile, politely excuse myself, and move on. I can
generally figure they'll get the real message (you are an obnoxious moron) a
few minutes later... Unless they're really stupid and can't grasp the real
reason why they didn't understand what I just said because they don't have
the language or ideation to understand what I said.
What's really funny is that DD has long used the same technique when people
push him too far. By the time they figure out the extent to which he has
just insulted them in return for their rudeness, he is long gone and doesn't
have to bother with them anymore. /lol/ Apparently, moreso in his younger
days, he wasn't above just punching somebody in the nose if that seemed like
it would be more fun. I've never had the physique to pull than one off, so
I just have to fall back on rhetoric.
Hard of seeing! I don't have very many deaf friends, but those I do and
have asked seem to feel Hard of hearing is more insulting than deaf. They
refer to themselves as deaf or deafblind and are annoyed or even disgusted
that people can't just deal and use the right words. Pretty much how I feel
about the word blind. Or some fool notions that crop up every now and then
about how it's just mean to remind someone he/she is blind because it will
rob them of their confidence and make them feel bad.
Puh-lease! /grin/
Tami Smith-Kinney
-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Lisa Irving
Sent: Sunday, April 10, 2011 6:13 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] the body language workshop
I'm still hung up on the presenter's term, "hard of seeing". What the heck!
I had a similar experience at a diversity training work shop. Go figure.
Lisa and Bernie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Julie J" <julielj at neb.rr.com>
To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
<nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, April 09, 2011 1:00 PM
Subject: [nagdu] the body language workshop
> Heya all!
>
> I just got back from that body language workshop I talked about a few
> weeks ago. I did learn some new things, but mostly it was common sense
> things...eye contact is good, staring is considered intimidating and lack
> of eye contact is interpreted as hiding something. There was lots more
> stuff like that. She did a pretty good job of addressing physical issues
> that could contribute to a difference in body language, a deaf/hard of
> hearing person not responding to a question or a visually impaired person
> not responding to a waved greeting. Although it was extremely annoying
> that she used the term "hard of seeing".
>
> She talked a lot about open and closed postures. They are pretty much
> exactly what you'd think. closed is head down, eyes averted, arms and/or
> legs crossed, hands in pockets and the body turned away. All of these
> indicate a closed affect. She never really did get clear about what
> exactly this means. To the best of my understanding it can be different
> depending on the person and the situation. Closed body language can
> indicate nervousness, lack of repor, lack of interest,being uncomfortable
> or generally not wanting to participate in the conversation.
>
> Open body language is just the opposite. Generally you would face your
> belly button toward the other person with it not covered by crossed arms.
> Looking toward the person, palms open held out such as in a high five,
> wave or handshake, leaning forward and head held up are all open body
> language. Generally these all indicate a willingness to communicate or
> interest in the other person.
>
> To gain repor with another person she suggested mimicking their body
> language. they have their hands in pockets, you put your hands in
> pockets. They rest their chin on their hand you do the same. This is
> supposed to give people a feeling of sameness and familiarity. Once this
> repor is established you can do something using your body language and the
> other person will mimic your action. In this way you can steer a person
> toward feeling more comfortable with you.
>
> All that said, I want to relate what happened when I first entered the
> classroom. I didn't tell them in advance that I'm blind, have a guide dog
> and I didn't request any accommodations. I wasn't taking this workshop
> for any particular reason other than personal interest. and part of me
> wanted to find out just exactly how an instructor teaching body language
> would handle a blind person in their class. So as I'm walking by trying
> to navigate the maze of tables to find a seat, the instructor flies out of
> her chair and moves toward Monty and me fast enough that Monty felt it
> important to move me out of her way. While she's moving toward me she's
> rattling off question after question without even a breath in between,
> "What's his name?Can I pet him? and then she reaches for Monty. You guys
> have heard enough of my stories by now to know that Monty is not fond of
> weirdoes touching him. Come to think of it, I'm not either, so I can
> totally understand where he's coming from. Monty backs away from her hand
> as I'm telling her that he's not into strangers touching him. Fortunately
> she had sense enough to back off and sit back down.
>
> For the next three hours I was thinking about this interaction and what I
> could have done to prevent it in the context of body language. I didn't
> make eye contact with her. I didn't even know she was there until she
> started spouting all her questions. I wasn't facing her. I had
> intentionally turned away from her and put myself in between her and
> Monty. I didn't smile, nod or make any other gestures that were mentioned
> in the workshop that could have been interpreted as an invitation to come
> accost my dog.
>
> So what I am left with is that people are nutters and no amount of amazing
> body language skills are going to keep them at bay. Or maybe because of
> my body language she got the hint and sat back down quickly. Perhaps body
> language can't prevent encounters, but it can end them more quickly. I
> don't know.
>
> Julie
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