[nagdu] Why so hard?

[Peggy]

No matter how many dogs we retire we will always question ourselves ... was 
it time, could I have done this, should I have done that!!  But really you 
and your dog will know, and obviously do know, that it's time to retire.  It 
never gets easier whether it's your first or 4th dog!!  Hugs to you both and 
things will get better, you will always remember those moments with each dog 
but instead of with sadness hopefully sometime soon it will be with a smile. 
Hugs again it's hard!!



-----Original Message----- 
From: Marsha Drenth
Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 11:41 AM
To: the National Association of Guide Dog Users NAGDU Mailing List
Subject: [nagdu] Why so hard?

Hi List,

Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for 
weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its 
official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over 
and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so 
hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I 
be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one 
retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for 
our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I 
hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and 
hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this 
house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me, watching 
out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful German 
Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has traveled 
on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and places, 
was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She has 
always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let 
babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play and 
jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous 
occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just hurts 
so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your mind 
hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a 
birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my present, 
best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she 
got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could 
have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet 
with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so 
much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now she 
doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!

The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to. And 
over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and their 
handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for 
another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with Emma.

Sorry for the rambling.

Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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