[nagdu] To Jenny, was Re: Why so hard?

Sun Aug 26 21:00:45 UTC 2012

Jenny, 

your cute. Thank you for the warm words. I do know people care for me on this list. My inbox was over flowing with messages from members of the list on and off list, I am thankful for each and everyone. 

And while I am thinking about it, any update on the ankle? your guide dog application? I am sure all would like to hear. 

Always,

Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone

On Aug 26, 2012, at 12:38 PM, Jenny Keller <jlperdue3 at gmail.com> wrote:

> Hi Marcia,
> 
> I'm sorry this is coming so late.  
> 
> You know, I retired Brooks last Easter because he just stopped working and he let me know that by not guiding me around obstacles anymore.
> 
> It was the hardest thing I've ever done too.  But the reaction from the school that it was my choice to retire him hurt me even more than his retirement itself.
> 
> I too, had to let him go to a new family, because I didn't know how fast I would be getting a new dog from the school I applied for.  
> 
> It really messed me up for a while, and I wasn't sure if getting another dog was the thing I should do.  But after talking to the school I applied for, I learned things about Brooks and his quirks that he never should've been given out as a guide.  
> 
> That doesn't mean I love him any less.  It doesn't mean the heartache still isn't there.  It does mean that I know, for a fact, that I did everything I could do to make it work, and for me, it was doomed from the beginning.
> 
> I miss him terribly, and wish I could see him.  But I think it would be confusing to him for him to see me again.  
> 
> He's already had to go through the change of a new family, and my popping up again in his life, I think would confuse him, or make him feel like I'm abandoning him again when I don't take him home.
> 
> there are so many emotions that go along with retiring a dog.  I feel what you are feeling in my own way.  I'll never say I feel the same, cause no one feels the same emotions.  
> 
> Just know that whatever you feel, feel free to vent it on this list.  
> 
> I know, I sound like a moderator right? *smile*.  Which is funny talking to the moderator herself, but we all love you, and I hope i don't offend anyone by speaking for everyone here.  
> 
> We'll be here for you no matter what you need to say, or anything else you need.
> 
> Just let us know.
> 
> You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  
> 
> Be blessed in your grief, and know that Heavenly Father knows how you feel, and that his Son Jesus Christ has felt your pain too through the atonement.
> 
> blessings,
> 
> Jenny 
> On Aug 22, 2012, at 8:49 PM, Juanita Herrera wrote:
> 
>> Marsha,
>> I know that there are no words that anyone can say to relieve your
>> pain of retiring Emma. Especially someone like me. What do I know. I
>> have never experienced the retirement of a guide dog before, but the
>> simple thought of losing Anise makes me shutter. I would probably be
>> feeling the same way you are now. I know you will never forget Emma
>> and that she'll always hold a special place in your heart. I'm sure
>> your new pup will be special in its own way. I wish you the best of
>> luck in class.
>> Juanita and Anise and Baby Benson
>> 
>> On 8/22/12, Marsha Drenth <marsha.drenth at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Hi List,
>>> 
>>> Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for
>>> weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its
>>> official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over
>>> and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so
>>> hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I
>>> be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one
>>> retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for
>>> our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I
>>> hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and
>>> hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this
>>> house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me, watching
>>> out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful German
>>> Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has traveled
>>> on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and places,
>>> was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She has
>>> always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let
>>> babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play and
>>> jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous
>>> occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just hurts
>>> so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your mind
>>> hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a
>>> birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my present,
>>> best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she
>>> got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could
>>> have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet
>>> with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so
>>> much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now she
>>> doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!
>>> 
>>> The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to. And
>>> over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and their
>>> handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for
>>> another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with Emma.
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Sorry for the rambling.
>>> 
>>> Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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>> 
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> 
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