[nagdu] Why so hard?

Mon Aug 27 15:11:31 UTC 2012

Lynn,
In the case of your friend working the very old dog, I can assure you the dog wasn't the issue. There were other things she was holding onto, the dog was just a symbol.
Why was everybody pissed at her? Would have been far kinder to have reached out and treated her with kindness then with anger.

-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lyn Gwizdak
Sent: Sunday, August 26, 2012 3:51 PM
To: NAGDU Mailing List, the National Association of Guide Dog Users
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Why so hard?

Hey Marsha, the pain is great right now but it will pass.  Just know that
YOU did the right thing for Emma by letting her retire.

I have seen people who can't let go and they worked their dog even while it
was real old -age 14 - and it literally crawled up the bus steps because the
dog's arthitis was so bad.  Many of us were pissed off at the person for
putting that dog through all that just because she couldn't let go and let
the dog retire.  I don't negate the fact that it is very hard to retire dogs
that worked so many years for us and we loved and were loved back.  Because
the dogs can't choose to retire, we have to know when it is time to do it
and then LET them do it.  We show our love for them by doing the right thing
by them.

I have had 8 dogs and so far, retired 7.  Some were old and some were
younger and some didn't work out for various reasons and needed very early
retirement.  It never gets any easier every time we must break our bonds
with our dogs.  I was able only to place two of them with people I know and
are local.  They went on to enjoy their remaining time with someone they
already knew and liked alot.  One is gone now but the other, Jacob, is still
around at age 14 and enjoying life with the family and their other dog.

I'm glad that TSE has someone like Michelle Drolet to help with grief about
retirements or deaths of dogs.  Sometimes people need time to process things
before they are ready for a new dog.  This is very important to do.  A
friend of mine got a new dog before she was ready and her unresolved grief
caused her to not bond properly with the new dog and it affected the working
relationship and bonding with the new dog.

There's no right or wrong way to do the retirement but each person is
different in their response to losing or retireing a dog.  Do what feels
best for you - you'll know when it is time to move on and bond with a new
dog.

Peace to you and take care of yourself.

Lyn and Landon
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jenny Keller" <jlperdue3 at gmail.com>
To: "NAGDU Mailing List,the National Association of Guide Dog Users"
<nagdu at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, August 26, 2012 9:38 AM
Subject: Re: [nagdu] Why so hard?

> Hi Marcia,
>
> I'm sorry this is coming so late.
>
> You know, I retired Brooks last Easter because he just stopped working and
> he let me know that by not guiding me around obstacles anymore.
>
> It was the hardest thing I've ever done too.  But the reaction from the
> school that it was my choice to retire him hurt me even more than his
> retirement itself.
>
> I too, had to let him go to a new family, because I didn't know how fast I
> would be getting a new dog from the school I applied for.
>
> It really messed me up for a while, and I wasn't sure if getting another
> dog was the thing I should do.  But after talking to the school I applied
> for, I learned things about Brooks and his quirks that he never should've
> been given out as a guide.
>
> That doesn't mean I love him any less.  It doesn't mean the heartache
> still isn't there.  It does mean that I know, for a fact, that I did
> everything I could do to make it work, and for me, it was doomed from the
> beginning.
>
> I miss him terribly, and wish I could see him.  But I think it would be
> confusing to him for him to see me again.
>
> He's already had to go through the change of a new family, and my popping
> up again in his life, I think would confuse him, or make him feel like I'm
> abandoning him again when I don't take him home.
>
> there are so many emotions that go along with retiring a dog.  I feel what
> you are feeling in my own way.  I'll never say I feel the same, cause no
> one feels the same emotions.
>
> Just know that whatever you feel, feel free to vent it on this list.
>
> I know, I sound like a moderator right? *smile*.  Which is funny talking
> to the moderator herself, but we all love you, and I hope i don't offend
> anyone by speaking for everyone here.
>
> We'll be here for you no matter what you need to say, or anything else you
> need.
>
> Just let us know.
>
> You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
>
> Be blessed in your grief, and know that Heavenly Father knows how you
> feel, and that his Son Jesus Christ has felt your pain too through the
> atonement.
>
> blessings,
>
> Jenny
> On Aug 22, 2012, at 8:49 PM, Juanita Herrera wrote:
>
>> Marsha,
>> I know that there are no words that anyone can say to relieve your
>> pain of retiring Emma. Especially someone like me. What do I know. I
>> have never experienced the retirement of a guide dog before, but the
>> simple thought of losing Anise makes me shutter. I would probably be
>> feeling the same way you are now. I know you will never forget Emma
>> and that she'll always hold a special place in your heart. I'm sure
>> your new pup will be special in its own way. I wish you the best of
>> luck in class.
>> Juanita and Anise and Baby Benson
>>
>> On 8/22/12, Marsha Drenth <marsha.drenth at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Hi List,
>>>
>>> Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for
>>> weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its
>>> official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that
>>> over
>>> and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so
>>> hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can
>>> I
>>> be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one
>>> retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me,
>>> for
>>> our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and
>>> I
>>> hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and
>>> hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this
>>> house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me,
>>> watching
>>> out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful
>>> German
>>> Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has
>>> traveled
>>> on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and
>>> places,
>>> was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She
>>> has
>>> always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let
>>> babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play
>>> and
>>> jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous
>>> occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just
>>> hurts
>>> so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your
>>> mind
>>> hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a
>>> birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my
>>> present,
>>> best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes
>>> she
>>> got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I
>>> could
>>> have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet
>>> with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much
>>> energy, so
>>> much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now
>>> she
>>> doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!
>>>
>>> The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to.
>>> And
>>> over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and
>>> their
>>> handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for
>>> another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with
>>> Emma.
>>>
>>>
>>> Sorry for the rambling.
>>>
>>> Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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>>
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>
>
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