[nfb-db] Deafblind Group Communication

[Haben Girma]

Yes, John, every dB person diagnosed with Denial should be injected with 
a full dose of reality. I totally agree with you on that part. The 
mentality, the intellectual blockout, of people in unfavorable 
situations is darkly fascinating. It's like one of those plays where the 
audience can see what's going to happen but the main character is 
blissfully ignorant of reality. That kind of comedy does have a name, 
perhaps audience irony, I don't remember. But the case of closed minded 
DB people sounds just like it. Well adapted people can see what's going 
on while the stumbling DB person refuses to face up to reality. When 
they've been offered information about adaptive technology, information 
on blindness techniques and deafness techniques, and yet they still 
refuse to acknowledge their life, then supporters can do no more than 
sit back and wait for reality to brutally slam into place on its own 
terms... It would be so nice if we had more people in the public who 
knew exactly what we are capable of and what we are not capable of. A 
police officer will scold a person who rides a bike without a helmet, 
but find me a police officer who scolds a blind person for walking 
outside without a cane. Does the AADB have a rigorous philosophy 
comparable to that of the NFB? There are many in the NFB who, if tripped 
by a fellow blind person because that guy wasn't using a mobility tool, 
would immediately confront the man about his irresponsible travel methods.

Haben

John Lee Clark wrote:
> Haben:
>
> It's denial.  And fear.  Some refuse to learn tactile listening because they
> think it would mean losing all of their friends because the tactile is a
> sign of blindness.  But ironically, it is precisely their denial and refusal
> to adapt that drives away their friends.  Instead of realizing this, they
> often hold their loss of friends as a proof that they WILL lose everything
> else if they became more blind.  It is very hard to get through to them that
> if they adapt, they will not lose anything but in fact gain more than they
> have and their quality of life would be improved.  
>
> This is a common problem among all human beings.  It is fascinating how
> irrational people can become in slow-burning situations, such as being
> tangled in an abusive relationship.  For example, the victim of abuse often
> thinks it is her fault, that she's a terrible person, and she was the one to
> cause the abuser to beat her up.  Domestic violence counselors have a hard
> time getting the reality through.  Abuse victims usually get back to their
> ab users seven times before finally leaving the relationship for good.
>
> While that's not an ideal analogy, it does show a human side that is
> baffling and hard to understand.  Usually, if the DB person is not receptive
> to learning how to adapt, the best thing to do is let the train wreck
> happen.  That is, they need to find out for themselves, they need to hit
> bottom.  
>
> But the problem is that many times nobody would let them hit bottom.
> Instead, professionals try to "help" DB people in whatever choices they
> make, and they would repeat things patiently and endlessly, they would go to
> great lengths so they can use their eyes, such as getting a dark background,
> getting stronger lighing, signing smaller, etc. etc.  Tthis is like, you
> know, enabling.  This only extends the length of the denial and
> irrationality.
>
> Another way to put it is that those DB people often don't experience
> consequences of their actions and choices.  There are professionals and
> others who give false consequences.  For example a DB person who refuses to
> use a cane goes to a DB event and bumps into people, causing two people to
> fall down badly, and he trips over a toddler, badly brusing the toddler.
> What people would say is "That's OK.  We understand you can't see so it's
> not your fault."  Well, in my opinion, it is NOT okay.  I mean, he HURT
> people physically!  Sure, he can't see, but he is still responsible!  There
> is the cane, there's the guide dog, there are mobility techniques, etc.  If
> something happened in spite of the person's making good choices and being
> responsible, that's when you can say it's not his fault.  Sometimes those
> things happen, where nobody did anything wrong.  But this DB guy is not in
> that situation.  The situation is he made bad choices by not using a cane.
> But he continues because he is enabled.  
>
> What I would really like is for a huge dose of reality to be injected here.
> He should be told that it's not OK, that he should be using a cane.  He
> should be told that if he can't be responsible for respecting the safety of
> others, he's not welcome there.  He should be constantly offered the
> opportunity to learn how to adapt.  He might even be sued for public
> misconduct.
>
> He should be exposed to real and natural consequences of his actions.
> That's what I mean by letting the train wreck happen.  Reality needs to be
> allowed to hit his head.  That's not the best way to learn, no.  Much better
> if he was already open and receptive.  But if that's not the case, then he
> needs to learn it the hard way.
>
> You know what I'm saying?  What do you think?  Any ideas for other ways to
> help some DB people see the reality?
>
> John
>
>
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