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<TITLE>New THOUGHT PROVOKER #147- Don't Look</TITLE>
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<P ALIGN=CENTER><B><FONT FACE="Arial">Deafblind members</FONT></B></P>
<P ALIGN=CENTER><B><FONT FACE="Arial">RE: Don’t Look </FONT></B></P>
<P><B><FONT FACE="Arial">The new THOUGHT PROVOKER is all about what is a healthy amount of concern in a parenting of a blind child. When is it too much and how would you help someone change their ways and not be over protective? If you have not read the PROVOKER, it follows. Recall that I collect responses and post them upon my web site for all the WWW to read and learn from and that URL is- </FONT></B><A HREF="http://thoughtprovoker.info/"><B><U><FONT COLOR="#0000FF" FACE="Arial">Http://thoughtprovoker.info</FONT></U></B></A><B><FONT FACE="Arial"> If you wish to receive THOUGHT PROVOKERS sent directly to you, just write me and ask, at- newmanrl@cox.net </FONT></B></P>
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<P ALIGN=CENTER><B><FONT FACE="Arial">THOUGHT PROVOKER 147</FONT></B></P>
<P ALIGN=CENTER><B><FONT FACE="Arial">Don’t Look</FONT></B></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"> “Ohhh…” a faint cry of concern squeezed out from where Meagan pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. Sitting at the kitchen table, she watched her ten year old blind daughter, Carrie standing at the stove with her Rehabilitation Teacher, learning to fry her first pancake. Meagan couldn’t stand it, her remaining hand flew up to cover her eyes (one bright green pupil peeking through parted fingers). </FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"> “I think it’s ready to turn over --- it slides when I touch it with the spatula.” Carrie’s tone suggesting both self-talk and an open question to the adult at her side.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">Pam responded with a question. “What do you think? How might you tell?”</FONT>
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<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Well, it’s all one piece and --- when I put the spatula just a little under it, it has that special feel of not bending --- if I can catch up with it again.” The sounds of a spatula tapping and scraping sounded as the young cook worked to flip the cake over, before it burned.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“You’re doing great.” Pam’s calming voice was intended for both Carrie and Meagan. She wasn’t worried about her student. However in working with this family, it hadn’t taken long to recognize the over protectiveness of the mother. And from the get-go, she had encouraged Meagan to be an observer of all lessons; though she hadn’t yet noticed any major revelation on Meagan’s part that blindness in and of itself wasn’t a major handicapping feature to Carrie’s abilities. </FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">Meagan, still tense, sat as quietly as she could. It always took an effort to not step in and help her daughter; watching Carrie searching for things or hesitating or fumbling with something new always pulled Meagan’s heartstrings. Having Pam come in once a week to work with Carrie had been a solution to a problem that Meagan hadn’t thought could be answered, until she had joined a parents group and learned that there were professionals who could teach independent living skills.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">Later, cooking and follow-up cleaning successfully completed, teacher gone, the exultant Carrie was in her room looking for an outfit that she would wear the next day for a special outing. “Oh fudge buckets --- where did that new top go?” She hurriedly fingered one hanging garment after another, sliding them sharply to the side, reaching for the next.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Darling, here, let me help you.“ Meagan stood behind her daughter, reaching out. “Is it the fuzzy purple with the square buttons, that you want?”</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Mom, please. I can find it.” </FONT>
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<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Oh I know, darling. I’ll just be faster.” </FONT>
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<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Mom! Pam wants me to practice more, doing stuff for myself. Okay.” </FONT>
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<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Oh --- you’re right. I’ll go and start supper. So if you need me, yell.” Meagan walked out of the room, making a show of leaving. However, she silently paused, aligning one eye to peek around the corner of the open doorway. </FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">The next day- “Meagan, hi, coming in?” Said the woman walking up to where Meagan stood waiting and watching at the corner of a lighted, moderately busy intersection. Melinda and Meagan were both members of a local chapter of Parents of blind children. The parents had agreed to wait for their children in side a coffee shop across the street from where the kids were to be dropped off. The idea being, the students would de-bus, cross the street, find the shop, come in and find their parent.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Oh --- I’ll be in before they get to the shop --- I just worry --- oh, it’s silly.” Meagan knew her answer hadn’t come across well; it hadn’t even made her, feel better.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">“Meagan,” said Melinda, lightly touching her friend‘s arm. “The kids will be fine. They’ve had training. These outings are to give them experience and as they work to learn and perfect their blindness skills, they will struggle. It’s how all of us learn.” Pausing, reflecting, Melinda finished with, “Meagan, may I share with you the best piece of advice I have ever been given?”</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial">Seeing the acceptance, the need in Meagan’s eyes, Melinda said, “It was --- don’t look.”</FONT>
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<P><FONT SIZE=2 FACE="Arial">Robert Leslie Newman </FONT>
<BR><FONT SIZE=2 FACE="Arial">Email- newmanrl@cox.net</FONT>
<BR><FONT SIZE=2 FACE="Arial">THOUGHT PROVOKER Website- </FONT>
<BR><A HREF="Http://www.thoughtprovoker.info"><U><FONT COLOR="#0000FF" SIZE=2 FACE="Arial">Http://www.thoughtprovoker.info</FONT></U></A>
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