[Nfb-krafters-korner] Yarn Humor from Franklin Habit

[Susan Roe]

A-B-C-K-2-P-2

August 6th, 2013 by Franklin Habit
Writer, illustrator, and knitter Franklin Habit joins us for his monthly column featuring humor and insights into a yarncrafter's life.

I was a good student, but it would be fibbing of the most bald-faced and lamentable variety to tell you I enjoyed school. I hated school, in part because
I invariably showed up on the first day wearing the wrong sort of sneakers, and was therefore declared by the girls on the playground to be covered in
cooties.

I wasn't much happier in the classroom. Each new year we were driven into a slightly more impenetrable thicket of the same dreary subjects by teachers who
grew annually more gaunt and listless. Even the classes I enjoyed ultimately felt disconnected, irrelevant. I'd master the list of state capitals, or after
days of tears successfully divide 283 by 14-only to think, "So what?"

"You'll need this some day," the teachers insisted, but that's insufficient justification for a little kid. It's tough to take the long view of things when
you're seven years old. It's tough to see the horizon when you're four feet tall.

Now I'm considerably older (though not much taller) and I'm wondering why the heck they didn't just teach us to knit and crochet. If you can get a kid excited
about a ball of yarn, you can get her excited about the entire curriculum that's directly connected to that ball of yarn.

Check it out.

Spelling. W-O-O-L. C-O-T-T-O-N. M-O-H-A-I-R. A-C-R-Y-L-I-C. C-A-S-H-M-E-R-E.

Punctuation. Wool, cotton, mohair. Acrylic? Cashmere!

Grammar. I have been knitting. I am knitting. I shall be knitting. Stop bothering me, I'm knitting.

Geometry. Which shawl shape is most flattering: the triangle, the circle, or the rectangle?

Arithmetic. Georgie has six skeins of yarn. One pair of mittens requires one-and-a-half skeins. How many mittens can Georgie knit before he has to buy more
yarn?

Psychology. How many mittens will Georgie knit before he decides to buy more yarn anyway?

Geography. This wool/cotton blend was spun in Turkey using wool from Australian sheep and cotton grown in India. Circle Turkey, Australia, and India on
the map.

Botany. Where does cotton come from?

Biology. Where do sheep come from?

Chemistry. Where does acrylic come from?

Economics. Why does it take three countries to make one ball of yarn?

History. Who brought the spinning mill to America? Why is his face not on our money?

Physical Education. First one to climb to the top of the rope gets the ball of cashmere!

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