[Nfb-new-hampshire] Fw: Exciting Changes in Our Upcoming Convention

Fri Apr 3 00:10:31 UTC 2009

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Dan Hicks
To: Dan Hicks
Sent: Wednesday, April 01, 2009 10:07 PM
Subject: Exciting Changes in Our Upcoming Convention

I wrote the following post and sent it to two of the listservs for the 
National Federation of the Blind of Florida. I am, herewith, sending it to 
others who may not be on one of these lists, just because I thought you 
might get a kick out of it.

Dan

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fellow Federation Convention Enthusiasts.

Please read this announcement carefully and in its entirety. It contains 
important information.

Have you grown tired of NFBF Conventions because they are always being held 
in Florida's nicest, most comfortable hotels? Are you weary of carpet on the 
floors, the availability of room service, and air conditioning? Well, if 
this is you, will be thrilled at the changes the National Federation of the 
Blind of Florida is making to our upcoming NFBF State Convention.

The changes were announced at a special press conference, held earlier 
today.

NFBF President Kathy Davis began with a momentous announcement, before 
taking questions.

"As you all know, the state of Florida has recently been impacted with 
revenue shortfalls. In order to conserve funds, our legislature has closed 
some of our state's facilities of incarceration. One of these is the 
Lemonville State Penitentiary in Sunshine County, a facility which, until 
recently, housed more than 500 inmates. Rather than let the penitentiary go 
vacant, we have decided to use it to hold this year's state convention. This 
is the first convention we have held in beautiful Sunshine County, which is 
located somewhere south of Tallahassee and somewhat north of Miami."

First Vice President Dwight Sayer said, "You could say we art taking 
Lemonville, and making lemonade.

Second vice President Dan Hicks said, "We are only the second state 
affiliate to hold its convention in a prison. The Kansas affiliate recently 
held its state convention at Leavenworth Penitentiary. However, they sound 
found it may have not been a good idea to hold the convention at a facility 
which is still in being utilized to house inmates. But, being as Lemonville 
is officially closed, we won't have to deal with any unnecessary confusion 
or hostage situations or anything like that."

NFBF Board Member Betty McNally said "The local chapter of Florida's Ex-Cons 
has already put Braille on all the cells. I am pleased to say that it is 
almost 90 per cent accurate. You really don't want to criticize the work 
those guys do."

NFBF President Kathy Davis introduced Elvira Grundlespike, who used to be 
the chief warden at the Lemonville facility. Grundlespike said, "We are 
really happy to have your club meet at our lovely penitentiary. It has been 
fully cleaned and decorated, with most of the graffiti removed or painted 
over."

NFBF Secretary Sherri Brun asked about banquet and meeting facilities.

Grundlespike said that the prison features several classrooms, which will 
work great for the seminars and breakout sessions. There is also a large 
chow hall, which will be suitable for all general sessions and the banquet. 
The kitchen is adequate for a group twice the size of that expected to 
attend the NFBF convention.

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going to save a lot of money!"

Grundlespike, who still wears a holster even though she no longer carries a 
gun, said, "We will provide all eating utensils. We have an enormous supply 
of tin cups, most with few or no dents in them." She added quickly, "Oh, I 
hope I am not being disrespectful to offer tin cups to blind people. I meant 
no offence."

Kathy Davis assured her that none was taken and that the members of the 
organization would need something to drink from during the Manger's 
Reception.

"Oh, that reminds me," Grundlespike added, "This prison used to be Sunshine 
County's number one industry. Since it closed, the area has had to live on 
income from our local wineries. We have some very good vintages. The 
Sunshine County Winery has agreed to donate 2,000 boxes of its finest 
whites, blushes, and reds to you for your convention."

"Wow," said Dwight, "that is very generous of them. Tell me, how many 
bottles are in each box?"

"Oh, there are no bottles," said Grundlespike. "The wine itself comes it 
one-liter boxes, but each comes with its own drinking straw. And, I can 
assure you it is delicious."

Board member Gina Minichiello said, "There are enough cells that each person 
can have his or hew own, though most of us will want to double up. Many of 
the cells have bunk beads, so families can share. Each cell has its own 
bathroom -- well bathroom area. Each cell has its own sink 
and...uh...facilities. They are all very clean, I have been assured. At 
first I was concerned about privacy. There is space between those bars, you 
know. But there isn't enough light for anyone to see much of anything."

Former Warden Grundlespike said, Lights out is at 10:00 PM. After that 
everybody is blind!...Oh, I didn't mean to cause offense."

"None taken," Kathy said. "Are there any questions?"

NFBF Board Member Sabrina Deaton said, "I am concerned that there aren't any 
nearby restaurants or bars for those who wish to travel outside the 
penitentiary grounds."

Ms. Grundlespike answered, "Well, there is great food in the chow hall. 
Their oatmeal is out of this world. We have all of that free wine. The 
winery wasn't able to sell much of it after that silly recall business, but 
I assure you it is delicious. There are no nearby restaurants, it is true, 
but we have many, many bars." She laughed, uproariously.

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going to save a lot of money!"

Dwight Sayer said, as a fundraiser, we will be taking pictures of members 
and guests, seated in "Old Sparkly," world's only rhinestone-studded 
electric chair. He added, "Don't worry. The power is turned off and the 
chair is unplugged. I'm not making that mistake again.

Board Member Sherrill O'Brien said, "We have discovered a supply of 
thousands of brand new, very stylish, orange jumpsuits. These will make 
great door prizes and we can sell some of them with boxes of wine at the 
auction."

NFBF Board Member Betty McNally said, "After we get the license place making 
machinery up and running, we will be making and selling special Whozit 
license plates. This will be after we get legislative approval, of course."

NFBF Treasurer Gloria Hicks said, "We are going to raise a lot of money!"
She then asked about the availability of a sound system.

Grundlespike answered, "The chow hall has a great PA system. When Johnny 
Cash played Lemonville, there was a bit of commotion from the more avid 
fans, and he had to depart rather quickly, leaving his sound system behind. 
We have been using it ever since. And, hey, if it's good enough for Johnny, 
it ought to be good enough for you folks."

So there you have it. The exciting announcement about our upcoming 
convention.

Anybody who takes this too seriously should just look at the date this 
message was sent.

For the real -- non-April Fools Day -- information about our upcoming NFBF 
State Convention, go to:

http://www.nfbflorida.org/upcoming/convention-2009.htm

We hope to see you all there!

Dan

"If you are going to walk on thin ice,
 you might as well dance."
                        - Inuit Proverb