[nfb-talk] Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

[Brian Miller]

Hi Joe,

Yes, undoubtedly my 99 parts junk comment is as much hyperboly  as this
article engages in... It's a good thing you didn't have a chinese mother, or
there would have been no summer camp or weekend retreats for you!  JK--

Your question about why so few of us are successful is clearly the most
vexing question of all for those of us who seek to push the needle in a
positive direction with respect to employment for the blind.  

I agree with 99 parts of your thoughts on why there is so little success,
but it's interesting that you left out one theory, which is that prejudice
on the part of the sighted may play a role.  I know we hate to think of
this, and it seems we run away from this notion toward any and all other
theories, but are we kidding ourselves by doing so?  I make no assertions
here on my own part as to the primary causes, nor even whether or not
discrimination plays a significant role, but I find it curious that we never
even entertain the notion for fear of offending our sighted friends, or out
of fear of sounding defeatest.  

Food for thought, anyway.
Brian M

-----Original Message-----
From: nfb-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nfb-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Joe Orozco
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2011 4:42 PM
To: 'NFB Talk Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [nfb-talk] Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior

Ryan,

I think the suicide rate is a good point.  However, I wonder how much of
that has to do with excessive discipline invested toward little end.  In
other words, what good is it to be intelligent if the society in these
countries limits the extent to which talents can be exercised?  Things are
pretty miserable when working conditions are as terrible as they were, or
are, at those Apple manufacturing sites.

But, as you may have picked up, my discussion point is not about the fact
that the article was about Chinese parents.  It's about parenting in
general, since western traditions probably have about as many quirks as
eastern ones.

Brian,

Ah, come on.  You say 99% of it was junk.  There are certainly things there
that I would never tell my future children.  Calling them "fatty" and
"garbage" would certainly be among them, but I think these were the few
extremes in the article with which I took issue.

For me, the article struck an interesting note with respect to results.  You
wrote:

*"I do agree, however, that we've lost the appreciation for the benefits of
practice, even when it isn't fun, because learning to do something well
results in fun in the guise of doing something well.  Who was it that said,
"The more I practice, the luckier I get?"  Whoever it was, they were right.
The notion of innate talent is a fraud; people who are superb at what they
do are superb because they dedicate countless hours of practice and focused
attention to that task they most wish to perfect."*


Bravo.  Very well-written.

I wonder how we can cross-apply this to the cultivation of independence
among blind individuals from an early age.  We know that blind people are
basically able to do just about anything we set our minds to.  Yet, the
unemployment rate, perhaps the most concrete indicator of how we're doing as
a society to improve quality of life for this target population, has not
appeared to budge.  Part of it is certainly perception.  Jobs will not be
liberally handed out to blind individuals until stereotypes are reversed,
but those of us who are gainfully employed would, I think, agree that we are
not special cases.  We took risks.  We met rejections, and we still
persisted.

What I find troubling is that for every one successful blind person,
statistics say there are three who are not.  There are a myriad of reasons
we could cite for why this is the case, but I genuinely believe that a lot
of it begins at home.  On one level, we have the first generation of sighted
parents who do not feel compelled to believe in their blind children, and so
how can the blind children themselves believe they can ever amount to
anything?  Then there is the second generation of blind parents who for
whatever reason are not successful and pass the same dismal expectations on
to their children.

I know there is much to be changed in the educational system.  I also know
there is much to be gained in technology.  However, there is a certain point
where I believe parental guidance is absolutely crucial to inspiring the
best in our children to take full advantage of a reformed educational system
and a fully accessible technology landscape, neither of which is worth
anything if the consumer does not use them to make herself shine.  I
genuinely believe that a critical factor in success is confidence.

At least for me, I would have benefited the most from my parents driving me
a little harder, for the confidence to originate from their corner.  My
parents instead chose to step aside and allow my teachers to direct the
course of my education.  I was fortunate that in high school I had the rare
privilege of an excellent VI teacher who took very little crap from me and
my blindness.  When I claimed I needed to go to the state school for the
blind for math classes, she said she would teach me math herself if that's
what it took, and she did.  I passed the classes because of her.  Not every
student out there is so fortunate.

Now, I am by no means claiming my parents had it all wrong.  My mom made me
do chores and disciplined me the same as my siblings.  I was never
discouraged from pursuing whatever activities I wanted, but I think their
confidence in me was somewhat artificial.  For example, even though they
began sending me away to summer camps and weekend retreats as early as eight
years old, they are still astonished by my ability to navigate the subway
system here in DC as an adult.

How much of it comes down to giving the blind child an extra nudge?  How
much of it is cultural?  In the Hispanic culture, blind people, at least
from my experience, are seen as charity cases or as supremely brilliant.
Damned if I didn't go and disappoint on both counts. LOL  I don't have all
the answers, but I hope people will chime in.  Hopefully we can come up with
some answers and play a role in educating parents on what is absolutely
needed of them to expand the hope for future generations.

Regards,

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing 


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