[Nfbf-l] Humor / Off Topic/ Good Read

[REPCODDS at aol.com]

Posted to Craig's List  Personals

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug  Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. 

I was the guy with the black  Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand 
over, shortly after you pulled the  knife on me and my girlfriend. You also 
asked for my girlfriend's purse and  earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to  apologize. I 
didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after  you took my 
jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that  evening, and 
it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just  bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP 
pistol for Christmas, and we had just  picked up a shoulder holster for it 
that evening. Beautiful pistol, he? Oh, some  of us honky white folk do have a 
CCW license.

It's a very  intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I 
know it probably  wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd 
come from with that  brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was 
even worse since you  also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and 
wallet with me. I couldn't  have you calling up any of your buddies to come 
help you try to mug us  again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had  her 
listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought  myself 
and forty other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas  
on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was 
 extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by 
Vinnie  Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. 

I threw  your wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after 
I  broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the driver’s side.  I 
 called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on 
your  bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the 
line, and  I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't 
know what's  going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your 
service.  

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and  one 
to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I 
 guess while he traced the number).  

I'd also like to apologize for  not killing you and instead making you walk 
back home humiliated. I'm hoping  that you'll reconsider your choice of 
path in life. Next time you might not be  so lucky...

- Alex 

P.S. Remember this motto......  An  armed society is a polite society! 
 

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