[Nfbf-l] UPS Humor!

[Kirk]

I know this isn't about Blind Advocacy, but I thought I would pass it along 
anyway in hopes that all who reads this will smile as wide as I did! Enjoy! 
Your friend in the cause, KH

       Just in case  you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane,  but only a high school 
diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us  who fly routinely in our 
jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a  'gripe 
sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The 
mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form,  and 
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews  lack a sense of humor . Here are 
some actual maintenance complaints  submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a 
P) and the solutions recorded  (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers .

By  the way, UPS  is the  only major airline that has never, ever, had an 
accident.

P:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel . Sounds like a midget pounding 
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.





Kirk Harmon
1031 Lenmore CT.
Orlando, FL. 32812
Home office: (407) 380-3371

Cell: (407) 473-2176
E-mail address: kvharmon54 at gmail.com

BVA/FRG
E.Central Florida
Associate Director

911 cell phone
bank
 Chairperson
BVA/FRG

Mayors Veterans Advisory counsil
member

 Blind advocate
and fundraiser


" Smiles are nothing more than thirty second vacations!"