[Nfbf-l] Thanksgiving

[Patricia A. Lipovsky]

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving 

and all through the kitchen; 

I was cooking and baking 

and moanin' and bitchin'. 

 

I've been here for hours, 

I can't stop to rest, 

This place is a disaster, 

just look at this mess! 

 

Tomorrow I've got 

thirty people to feed, 

They expect all the trimmings, 

who cares what I need! 

 

My feet are both blistered, 

I've got cramps in my legs, 

The dog just knocked over 

a bowl full of eggs, 

 

There's a knock at the door 

and the telephone's ringing; 

Frosting drips on the counter 

as the microwave's dinging, 

 

Two pies in the oven, 

dessert's almost done; 

My cookbook is soiled 

with butter and crumbs. 

 

I've had all I can stand, 

I can't take anymore; 

Then in walks my husband, 

spilling rum on the floor. 

 

He heaves and he wobbles, 

his balance unsteady; 

he grins as he chuckles 

"The eggnog is ready!" 

 

He looks all around and 

with total regret, 

Say's "What's takin' so long? 

aren't you through in here yet?" 

 

As quick as a flash 

I reach for a knife; 

He loses an earlobe; 

I wanted his life! 

 

He flees from the room 

in terror and pain, 

and screams "MY GOSH WOMAN, 

YOU'RE GOING INSANE!" 

 

Now what was I doing, 

and what is that smell? 

Oh, GOSH, it's the pies! 

They're all black 

right down to the shell! 

 

I hate to admit 

when I make a mistake, 

But I put them on BROIL 

instead of on BAKE 

 

What else can go wrong? 

Is there still more ahead? 

If this is good living, 

I'd rather be dead. 

 

Lord, don't get me wrong, 

I love holidays; 

They just leave me exhausted, 

all shaky and dazed. 

 

But I promise you one thing, 

if I live 'til next year, 

You won't find me 

pulling my hair out in here. 

 

I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; 

And if that doesn't work, 

I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED! 

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 

 

May Peace Be With You 
During This Holiday Season