[Nfbf-l] What are Grits

Tue Apr 23 23:03:58 UTC 2013

Alright, folks.  As a Yankee who has chosen to move back to the wonderful 
north, I will respond.  Keep in mind this is all meant in fun so a big LOL. 
First of all, I read a novel once in which the main character was staying 
with a family in New York City during the depression.  This family was 
struggling and nobody could find a job, including this character, so they 
ate a lot of grits.  One of his responses to this went something like this: 
"Grits is a good food but a damn tiring one."  (Taken from the novel Never 
Love a Stranger by Herald Robbins.)  And was he ever correct.  He was the 
first one of that group to find employment, so he must have been really 
determined and really desperat to eat something better.  I say amen to him. 
Also, grits could have been the strange manna that God provided.  Remember, 
the Israelites were out in the burning Sinai desert and actually complaining 
that God should have left them in Egypt.  I can picture God in exasperation 
saying "Let them eat grits," and it was okay with them because they were 
desperately hungry.  Finally, when I was in Florida, I would very often take 
the woman who used to help me with my errands out to breakfast and she would 
often have grits.  I, on the other hand, would have a real breakfast of real 
food, ham, eggs, toast, whatever, but real food.  So, there you have it, 
from an unrepentant Northerner.  LOL.

Mark Tardif
Nuclear arms will not hold you.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Alan Dicey
Sent: Tuesday, April 23, 2013 6:35 PM
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Subject: [Nfbf-l] What are Grits

What are Grits
This is really a hoot!
Nobody knows.  Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of
white corn.  This is obviously a lie.  Nothing as good as a Grits can be
made from corn.
The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained
down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most
likely Grits.
Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of butter, salt, or cheese
raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish his people by
forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

How Grits are Formed.
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure.  It takes
over 1000 years to form a single Grit.  Most of the world's grit mines are
in Southern Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and
fierce attack dogs.  Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many
Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be
served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch
and dinner is out of the question).
Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits.  They call them Cream of
Wheat.  As far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are
Elmer's Glue and shredded Styrofoam.  These synthetic grits have also been
shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
Historical Grits
As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the
Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert.  After that, the Grits was not heard
from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during
this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and was kept from the
public due to it's rarity.
The next mention of the Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city
of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary.  The woman's name was Herculaneum
Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
The 10 Commandments of Grits
1.      Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
2.     Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
3.    Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is
blasphemy
4.    Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
5.     Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and Cheese as toppings for thy
Grits
6..    Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
7.   Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
8.  Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
9. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
10.     Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either

How to Cook Grits
For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter.
Add 5 TBsp of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
That's all there is to cooking grits.
How to Eat Grits
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous
portion of butter. (WARNING:  Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should
cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow.  (Hold a banana or a
yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the
correct amount of butter.)
Next, add salt.  (NOTICE:  The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10 : 1
Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)
Cheese is optional.  However if you wish to add cheese, cut it into 1/4'
squares and add immediately before you eat your Grits. You do not want your
cheese to melt completely.
Now begin eating your grits.
Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits.  Your grits should be thick
enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
The correct beverage to serve with Grits is Milk or Chocolate Milk.
(WARNING:  Use whole milk only - DO NOT use 2% or, heaven forbid, Skim
Milk.)
Your grits should always be eaten in a bowl.
Never use a plate to eat Grits.
Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
(Leftover grits are extremely rare) Spread them in the bottom of a casserole
dish, Cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.
Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking
oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.
Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way.  This is,
of course, unacceptable.

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