[nfbmi-talk] more off topic Fw: This is why we love children!

[David Andrews]

Congratulations -- I have a hard time thinking of you as a 
Grandmother.  It doesn't seem that long since we were just out of 
college on that first job -- but I guess it has been!

Dave

At 09:09 PM 5/12/2011, you wrote:
>I know this is also off topic, but since I am in Missouri and wish 
>to brag about my new grandson that was born Monday I thought I could 
>get by with it. Sebastian Michael Tonarely joined his brothers 
>Atticus and August May 9 weighing in at eight pounds and one ounce. 
>Have fun at the board meeting without me as I will be busy holding 
>the sweet little guy. Donna
>----- Original Message -----
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>Sent: Thursday, May 12, 2011 1:11 PM
>Subject: Fwd: This is why we love children!
>
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>                         This is why we love children!
>
>                         1) NUDITY
>                         I was driving with my three young children 
> one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us 
> stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the 
> shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that 
> lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
>
>                         2) OPINIONS
>                         On the first day of school, a first-grader 
> handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The 
> opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
>
>                         3) KETCHUP
>                         A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup 
> out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 
> 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the 
> phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
>
>                         4) MORE NUDITY
>
>                         A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found 
> himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room 
> burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for 
> cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's 
> the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
>
>                         5) POLICE # 1
>                         While taking a routine vandalism report at 
> an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 
> years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a 
> cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report . ' My 
> mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that 
> right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as 
> she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
>
>                         6) POLICE # 2
>                         It was the end of the day when I parked my 
> police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my 
> K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in 
> at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
>                         'It sure is,' I replied.
>                         Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then 
> towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
>
>                         7) ELDERLY
>                         While working for an organization that 
> delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old 
> daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by 
> the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers 
> and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false 
> teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable 
> barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth 
> fairy will never believe this!'
>
>                         8) DRESS-UP
>                         A little girl was watching her parents 
> dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she 
> warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit..'
>                         'And why not, darling?'
>                         'You know that it always gives you a 
> headache the next morning.'
>
>                         9) DEATH
>                         While walking along the sidewalk in front 
> of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that 
> nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his 
> playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should 
> be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug 
> a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
>                         The minister's son was chosen to say the 
> appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version 
> of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the 
> Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'
>
>                         10) SCHOOL
>                         A little girl had just finished her first 
> week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 
> 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
>
>                         11) BIBLE
>                         A little boy opened the big family Bible. 
> He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, 
> something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked 
> at it.. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
>                         'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
>                         'What have you got there, dear?'
>                         With astonishment in the young boy's voice, 
> he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
>
>                         NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO 
> BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT
>
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