[nfbmi-talk] Ask Miss Whozit email etiquette

[Marcus Simmons]

Amen!

Marcus
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From: <trising at sbcglobal.net>
To: "NFB of Michigan Internet Mailing List" <nfbmi-talk at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 12:54 AM
Subject: [nfbmi-talk] Ask Miss Whozit email etiquette


    Ask Miss Whozit
Braille Monitor                                                    January
2008

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Ask Miss Whozit
>From the Editor: From time to time Miss Whozit answers reader questions
about etiquette and good manners, particularly as they involve blindness. If
you would like to pose a question to Miss Whozit, you can send it to the
attention of Barbara Pierce, 1800 Johnson Street, Baltimore, Maryland 21230,
or email me at <bpierce at nfb.org>. I will pass the questions along. Letters
may be edited for space and clarity. Here are the most recent letters Miss
Whozit has received:

Dear Miss Whozit,

As you know, the email age is upon us. The NFB has many enjoyable and
informative listservs. Could you talk about email etiquette? I have read
posts from people who have been downright rude to others. Other folks
apparently enjoy gossiping about people on the lists as though they were
talking in the privacy of their own living rooms. This spoils my enjoyment
of the listserv experience, and I can’t believe that it is acceptable
behavior. What do you think?

Civility Online

Dear Civility,

Miss Whozit could not agree more with you. Rudeness, insults, verbal
attacks, and incivility have no more place in Internet posts of any kind
than they have in face-to-face discussion. Of course some hot-headed people
indulge in such comments in person, but many more exhibit this provocative
and tactless behavior when they can hide behind the anonymity of a first
name or email identity. I trust that I need not point out that ladies and
gentlemen never stoop to insults and verbal attacks just because no one
knows exactly who they are. In the same way courtesy and good etiquette
demand that one refrain from discussing or gossiping about other people in
any public setting, virtual or real. The test is simple: if you would not
make the comment to the person’s face, don’t make it in an email post.

As long as our current topic is email, Miss Whozit would like to start the
new year with her own small rant about general email etiquette. There is no
right or wrong way to send an email message, but many users have slid into
inconsiderate habits that are annoying enough to constitute discourtesy to
those who read, or try to read, their posts. Here are a few tips that, if
adopted by everyone, would markedly raise the level of civility and
efficiency in all email exchanges. If you follow them, those to whom you
send messages will bless you, and, who knows, they may even reform their
ways. This list is drawn from the summer 2006 edition of the Buckeye
Bulletin, a publication of the National Federation of the Blind of Ohio.

Be sure that your subject line accurately reflects the content of your
message. This is especially important if you are sending messages to a
mailing list. If you are really going to talk about your dog, you don't want
the subject of your message to be "my favorite screen reader."
And while we are on the subject of writing messages to a listserv, be very
careful to answer personal or individual questions or requests off-list. Few
things are more discouraging than downloading seventy-five messages, only to
find that sixty of them are from other listserv members responding to an
invitation to participate in some off-list program or opportunity. Everyone
on the list does not need to know that Joe wants the demo tape. Take note of
the address of the person making the offer and write a separate email
message to that person only. Also please take mercy on other list readers
and stifle your impulse to respond to the entire list with the news that you
agree with what Jean has said or by thanking John for his views. If you must
respond, do it off list.

If you are sending an attachment, please indicate that fact. You may do this
in the subject line, the body of your message, or both. If the recipient
does not know to look for an attachment, a blind person may delete the
message without ever noticing the attachment. Don't send an attachment
unless it is necessary to do so. You must send an attachment if you want to
send a word-processed file, a database file, a program, or a picture. But
some email programs do not permit the user to receive attachments. If this
is the case, the sender can do nothing about it.

Sign your name at the end of the message. This does not have to be done with
a closing such as “Sincerely.” Just put your name at the end to signify that
you have completed the message.

Many email programs permit a writer to scroll through a received message and
make inserted comments. This is convenient for the sender because it ensures
that the writer will not forget to comment on any part of the message or
forget to answer a question. If you decide to engage in this form of
response, however, remember that a blind reader of your message will have to
reread his or her entire message, looking for your insertions. Making sure
that you do not forget to respond to anything in the original message may be
important enough to justify this inconvenience to the reader, but understand
that this is what you are demanding of him or her.

When forwarding a message, it is courteous to everyone to delete the
headers. Unless there is a reason for doing so, it is not necessary to show
the origin of a message. Often the message is a great joke or good story
that has already been forwarded to many people. By the time the recipient of
your message struggles through all of the headers listing everyone that
every sender has sent the message to, he or she has usually lost interest in
or appreciation for the content of the message. Instead, copy the story or
joke to your clipboard and exit the message entirely. Then you can open a
new message to the group of your friends to whom you want to pass the
information. Drop the text into the edit field from the clipboard. Everyone
who gets to read the message without digging through pages of names and
email addresses will bless you, and the recipients of your message will not
have access to the email addresses of everyone who received the message
before you did.

In the same spirit, if you can place the names of the people to whom you are
sending a message in the blind carbon copy (bcc) field, you will protect the
identity of your friends and business colleagues. It will also spare the
next generation of readers from having to scroll down through your list of
recipients, assuming that your recipients decide to pass along your words of
wisdom or humor without copying the text to a new message.

My final note is addressed, as far as I know, to AOL users only. When the
rest of us forward a message, the recipient can open the message and
immediately read what has been forwarded. But if the message is from an AOL
user, for some reason our email providers receive the entire forwarded
message as an attachment. If, Heaven forbid, the message passes through the
hands of several AOL users, the final reader must dig down through layer
after layer of attachments, opening each and passing through to the message
within. The solution is simple. If the AOL user highlights the text he or
she wishes to pass along to other people, it can be copied to the clipboard
and dropped into an entirely new message in the edit field. Your readers
will receive your message and go straight to the text you want them to see
without minutes of extra effort.

As I have already said, there are no hard and fast rules for sending email.
Just think of these tips as good manners. They are not laws, but using them
makes life more pleasant for everyone. Your coworkers and friends will enjoy
receiving the email you send them a lot more if you employ these tips.

Note: Miss Whozit would no doubt be delighted to know that National Braille
Press (www.NBP.org) has just published a new book titled, “SEND: The
Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home.” It is available for $19.95 in
Braille, or as a CD ROM Portabook or Portabook download.

Dear Miss Whozit,

With today's social conventions, I am never sure when it is appropriate to
shake a person's hand. As a twenty-one-year-old college student, I do not
wish to appear rude by not shaking hands with someone older than me. At the
same time, it is generally considered inappropriate to shake hands with
other students. However, during introductions, other students have sometimes
said to me, "I'm trying to shake your hand," or "I have my hand out for
you." I find it embarrassing when I do not shake someone's hand when it is
expected, but it is equally embarrassing to extend my hand into space and
have to pull it back. As a general rule I was taught that you shake
professors' hands and those of other people who are older than you, e.g.,
friends’ parents or people of importance like the mayor, president, etc. Can
you advise me about how best to deal with such situations so that I do not
embarrass myself? I would like to conduct myself in a way that is socially
acceptable. Because of this anxiety, social situations make me
uncomfortable.

Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,

Shaking hands is one of those rituals of social interaction that can leave
one feeling insecure. Good for you, however, for caring about conducting it
properly. The culture of your campus community will dictate whether or not
students shake hands when introduced to other students. Since you are all
more or less equals, you would not be perceived as inappropriate when
extending your hand for a handshake, unless students never shake hands with
other students. Since you say that sometimes students call attention to the
fact that they are trying to shake hands with you, I conclude that students
on your campus do shake hands, at least occasionally. If you are going to
extend your hand, do it with the clear intention of shaking hands. Sometimes
blind people tentatively extend a hand a bit, hoping that, if it is not
taken, no one will notice that they had offered to shake. It is far better
to be clear about your intention. If the other person is sighted, he or she
will take your hand or risk snubbing you, which is a social gaff in itself.
Another blind person may need the prompt that you have sometimes received:
“Here’s my hand.” That statement may feel a bit awkward, but the situation
is under your control, and you will appear confident and in charge.

Now comes the general question of the etiquette of who initiates the
handshake when the two parties are not equal in rank. These rules were more
rigidly enforced years ago. Generally the older person or a woman decides
whether to shake hands or to nod and smile. In these egalitarian times it is
pretty safe to rise if you have been sitting when the introduction is
beginning and extend your hand. If your intention by a warm smile and
extended hand is to shake briefly, thereby acknowledging the new
acquaintance, the other person will follow suit unless his or her hands are
full. This is one situation in which it is helpful to have a dog or white
cane conspicuously at hand. Offering to shake hands with someone who does
not have a free hand with which to shake requires an explanation if it is
not to be misconstrued as inattention or peculiarity.

The way you shake hands is important to making a good impression. The
dead-fish handshake really does communicate weakness and ineffectiveness. On
the other hand, gripping the other person’s hand so hard that you inflict
pain is overbearing and just plain rude. If your hands are naturally clammy,
wipe your hand along your slacks to dry it before extending it. If you
anticipate that you may be shaking hands, at a reception, for example, you
might consider investing in a small hand warmer to keep in your pocket. That
will keep your hand warm enough not to be unpleasant. Clasp the other person’s
hand firmly, but do not squeeze. Move your hand up and down two or three
inches three to six times, and then release the other person’s hand. While
you are shaking, look at the other person, smile warmly, and pay attention
to his or her name. Use it again soon in the brief conversation. This will
help you commit it to memory and demonstrate that you were paying attention.

If you adopt these little rules and apply them, you will soon find that
shaking hands is not an ordeal and that any number of little variations can
take place without your needing to feel that you bungled the interaction.


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