[NFBOH-Cleveland] I am posting this article; not so much to talk about the Convention, but to educate new members on how the Federation is here to support, encourage and enhance your life.

Suzanne Turner smturner.234 at gmail.com
Mon Mar 19 02:48:43 UTC 2018


I Once Was Lost

by Darrel Kirby From the Editor: 

 

Darrel Kirby attended his first national convention last summer. It was a
profoundly moving experience for him, as you will see in the following
article, which he wrote soon after he returned home. This is what he says:
"Can I help you?" a friendly-sounding man asked as I wandered through the
halls of the Galt House in Louisville, Kentucky, looking for the elevator.
Quite embarrassed, I sheepishly replied, "Please! I am lost." The stranger
calmly remarked, "I am sure you have some idea of where you are. What are
you looking for?"
"The elevator," I said.
He then asked, "Where do you think you are?" This stranger had raised an
excellent question. So where was I? It was my first NFB convention, and I
was overwhelmed when I became disoriented by the labyrinth of hallways in
the Galt House. Everything my cane hit felt new and strange. But the truth
was that I had been feeling lost throughout the year since losing my sight.
In a matter of months I went from having 20/20 vision to no sight at all.
The stranger responded to my plea for help by asking if I knew where I was
going. Honestly, for a long time I had no idea where I was headed. His
questions returned me to a time of little direction and shattered dreams. I
had finished two years of college at the University of Iowa when diabetic
retinopathy took my sight, causing me to withdraw from school. I did not
know what it meant to be blind, nor what I would do to accomplish my life
goals as a blind person. I had much trouble adjusting to life without sight.
I was afraid to learn Braille and use a cane. If the stranger in the hall
had asked months earlier where I was going, I would have had no idea at all.
When I first lost my sight, my life often seemed out of control, so panic
was inevitable. Blindness was something I could not hide from or escape.
Without skills I could not read a book, travel anywhere, or think of myself
as a capable person. I questioned my faith in and understanding of the world
around me. Even if I could accept myself as a blind man, everything was
suddenly a blindness issue, and I did not know how to be blind. Thus I spent
months in denial of my blindness. With no blindness skills and little hope,
I moved home with my parents, who witnessed the metamorphosis of a vibrant
and motivated young college student into a hopeless loner. Frustrated, I
spent much of my time in my bedroom, hiding from the sighted world. I
remember getting out of bed one night and heading toward the hall. Because
of the angle of the partially open door and my unreliable sight, I walked
right into the edge of the door. The sharp edge hurt my forehead, but not as
much as it hurt my spirit. I was tired of being blind.
When I walked out into the hallway, the tears streaming down my cheeks, I
met my dad. He asked what was wrong, and I summed up what I thought was
wrong in three words, "I can't see." When the reality of those three words
hit my dad, he fell into my arms and wept. He held on to me so tightly that
I winced and moaned a bit in pain. He let go and began to fall. I grabbed
for him and held him up. I had never seen my dad cry, and I was not sure how
to react. At that moment I understood the reality of my situation. I was not
only losing my sight, I was losing the confidence of those who had been most
proud of me. When I decided to move home, I imagined my parents would
provide the support I needed, yet here I was comforting my father. After a
few moments of silence, I reassured him that everything would be okay. I
doubt that my dad believed I had really accepted my fate as a blind man. How
could I blame him for reacting the way he had when I too saw no future for
myself? When my dad recovered and left me, I hid in the shower, letting the
noise of the water drown out the sound of my tears. I had never felt so
scared and alone in all of my life. I remained in the shower, panic-stricken
by the thought of being alone and blind in a sighted world. Even though I
left my parents and returned to school, I continued to feel lost and alone.
Then one day, unexpectedly, I was rescued by two strangers on a bus. They
turned out to be two dedicated NFB members. Seeing the confidence and energy
in these two blind Federationists was my first dose of medicine. I had
finally met blind people who were in control of their lives. They told me
about the National Federation of the Blind, a civil rights organization that
worked to help improve the lives of blind people. Curiosity got the better
of me, and I attended my first NFB chapter meeting. The members of the Old
Capitol Chapter in Iowa City made me realize that blind people live
productive lives. I was surrounded by a group of role models who adopted me
in my time of need. I lacked blindness skills like cane travel and Braille.
More important, I had no confidence. However, the members of my chapter
directed me to the Iowa Department for the Blind Orientation Center. The
orientation center emphasizes the importance of Braille, cane travel, and
attitude changes. It also provides classes in home economics and industrial
arts. The philosophy of the NFB and spirit of Dr. Kenneth Jernigan, who
first established the program, remain in the walls of the orientation
center. I was working hard at the Center when I learned that I was going to
be able to attend the NFB national convention in Louisville with the help of
the Kenneth Jernigan Scholarship Fund. As convention grew closer, I heard
more and more great things about this annual event. When I informed my
friends and family that I would be attending the convention, my dad asked if
I would be flying with someone who had sight. I told him that I would not.
Still perceiving me as the scared man who angrily cried in the hall about
being blind, he could not fathom the idea of a blind person flying without a
sighted person and pleaded with me not to go. I was attending a center that
taught me every day about all that the blind could accomplish, yet I felt a
struggle between what I believed I might be able to do and what my father
thought I could do. My father represented all those who doubted my
capabilities. I decided that, if I could withstand the skepticism of my own
father, I could ignore the skepticism of anyone who stood in the way of what
I wanted to accomplish. In spite of my father's uncertainty and my own
fears, I knew I must fly to Louisville, to prove to myself that I could do
this. I traveled to the national convention with Allen and Joy Harris. Mr.
Harris, the director at the Orientation Center in Des Moines, decided to
test my travel skills by moving through the airport as fast as he could. I
passed the test, and suddenly my flight home alone with the layover in
Detroit did not seem so scary. Still I arrived in Louisville completely
overwhelmed. Like most first-timers at the NFB national convention, I was
anxious and a little hesitant. I did not know what to expect. I had heard
many great things about the NFB and its members, and I did not want to be
disappointed. I will never forget the feeling of walking into a roomful of
almost 2,500 blind people. The energy in the room surpassed any I had felt
before. As I sat in general session, I heard speeches on improving Braille
literacy, the newest technology, and the development of the national
training center in Baltimore. I listened to what we, as an organization,
have done in the past year and what we will work toward in coming years. I
discovered how much debate and drafting goes into adopting NFB resolutions.
I was pleased to see structured disagreement among the Federationists. We
were tackling issues that are both important and controversial. Change can
be made only when difficult issues are addressed. I felt a bit of what I
offer the NFB when I witnessed the vote of states on the resolution
concerning informed choice. For the first time I felt involved in a cause to
improve the lives of blind people. At the banquet I tried to sing NFB songs,
and I listened to Dr. Maurer's banquet speech describing a hypothetical,
absurd world in which people discriminate according to height; then he
related the absurdity to the way people think of blindness. I was excited to
discover NFB divisions and interest groups for most professions. I eagerly
attended the mock trial sponsored by the blind lawyers division. It was
based on a 1973 policy in a Colorado school district stipulating that blind
people could not teach. I learned much at the Human Services and the
National Association of Blind Students meetings. I identified with the
struggles of other blind college students and signed on to the NABS listserv
upon my return to Des Moines. As much as I enjoyed and learned from the
organized events, they did not compare to some of the informal late-night
gatherings in hotel rooms. I am proud to admit that I did not sleep more
than three hours a night during my time at the convention. I met interesting
Federationists who shared my beliefs and concerns. We discussed and debated
the merits of proposed resolutions. I heard people talk about the highs and
lows of the previous year and witnessed the support and motivation NFB
members gave each other. I developed a bond with other Federationists who
had just lost their sight as we shared advice on adjusting to our lives as
blind people. I also learned from the wisdom of longtime NFB members and
talked with individuals who have attained their career goals. As serious as
many of the conversations were, a majority of them were funny and
entertaining. Many nights were filled with funny stories about blindness.
When I heard about a blind couple who walked around their house minus their
clothes, unaware that the curtain covering a large picture window had fallen
down, I laughed with the group. For the first time I realized that I could
laugh at myself, at the little things that had embarrassed me in the past,
including the time I was leaving a classroom at the University of Iowa and
felt what I believed was a swarm of bugs attacking my head. When I reached
up to swat the bugs with my hands, I realized that I was swatting the
hangers that hung from the coat rack along the wall of the room. With my
short stature, the bottoms of the hangers barely brushed the top of my head.
When I told this story, I laughed, and my fellow Federationists laughed with
me. Unlike the frightened blind man who sat and cried in the shower, I no
longer felt alone. I realized then that the common thread knitting us
together was no thread, but a bridge cable that would never be broken. A
support network was developing right before my eyes. My NFB family was
growing, and I would not be alone again. The late-night chats and chance
encounters made me more eager to read my Braille, use my cane, and hold my
head high. I left those hotel rooms more confident than I had entered them.
I was sure I would find my way back to my room with ease, but here I was at
four in the morning, trying to find the West Tower elevator. I made it
across the bridge between the towers, but I took a wrong turn somewhere in
the West Tower. Thus began my search for the elevator and then my two-hour
conversation with a total stranger.
My rescuer was a longtime member of the NFB happy to speak with a first-time
conventioneer. We discussed the challenges of blindness, the power of
confidence, and the philosophy of the NFB. My newfound friend explained that
we all have times when we feel lost with no one around to help. At such
times we should remember that we are truly lost only when we lose hope. We
must also understand that wrong turns are easy to make both on travel routes
and in life. Some of us feel lost selecting a college, choosing a career, or
pursuing a lifelong goal. Others feel lost trying to find an elevator. At
such times we all need direction and guidance.
It suddenly dawned on me that the NFB and all its members were willing to
provide that guidance for me. I could rely on the strength of the NFB and
other Federationists in my times of need. When I need a reminder of my own
potential, I will turn to my Federation friends and let their
accomplishments inspire me. Never again will I feel lost and alone. My
rescuer and I concluded our talk as the sun began to rise. We exchanged
email addresses, and I thanked him for his guidance. With caring ease he
gave me a pat on the back and said, "Take two steps to the right and walk
forward." He then added, "I don't think you were lost at all." With an
energy I had not felt before, I stepped onto the elevator and said with
confidence, "Yeah, people don't feel as lost once they've been found."

 

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Suzanne Hartfield-Turner, President

NFBOH-Cleveland

P: (440) 462-9755

A: PO Box 141077

Cleveland, Ohio 44114

E: President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com
<mailto:President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com> 

 

The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
blindness is not what holds you back.

 

 

 

 

 

Suzanne Hartfield-Turner, President

NFBOH-Cleveland

P: (440) 462-9755

A: PO Box 141077

Cleveland, Ohio 44114

E: President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com
<mailto:President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com> 

 

The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
blindness is not what holds you back.

 

 

 

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