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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><h2 style='background:white'><strong><span style='font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:black'>The Blessed Blind Big Brother</span></strong><o:p></o:p></h2><p style='background:white'><strong><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:black'>by Shawn Callaway</span></strong><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f">
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</v:shapetype><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_4" o:spid="_x0000_s1027" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Shawn Callaway is pictured here with his much younger brother and sister when they were children." style='position:absolute;margin-left:164.8pt;margin-top:0;width:3in;height:295.5pt;z-index:251657216;visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square;mso-width-percent:0;mso-height-percent:0;mso-wrap-distance-left:0;mso-wrap-distance-top:0;mso-wrap-distance-right:0;mso-wrap-distance-bottom:0;mso-position-horizontal:right;mso-position-horizontal-relative:text;mso-position-vertical:absolute;mso-position-vertical-relative:line;mso-width-percent:0;mso-height-percent:0;mso-width-relative:page;mso-height-relative:page' o:allowoverlap="f">
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</v:shape><![endif]--><![if !vml]><img width=288 height=394 style='width:3.0in;height:4.1041in' src="cid:image001.jpg@01D62940.7855C120" align=right alt="Shawn Callaway is pictured here with his much younger brother and sister when they were children." v:shapes="Picture_x0020_4"><![endif]><strong><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:black'>From the Editor: Shawn Callaway is a husband, father, breadwinner, the affiliate president for the District of Columbia, and a member of the National Federation of the Blind Board of Directors. But before he became all these things, he was a younger man, who had family responsibilities. Like Shawn, I am the oldest sibling. As the oldest we are told we need to model good behavior for the younger children, but it isn't until they become adults that they tell you how they looked to us for guidance, strength, and what they might become. Here is Shawn’s experience:</span></strong><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>For the first ten years of my life, I did not have siblings, and my mother's siblings did not have children either. Even though I enjoyed the extra attention from loved ones, I had a burning desire to be a big brother and not an only child. In 1982 my wish was fulfilled after the arrival of my little brother Anthony. In 1987 I was blessed with another sibling after the arrival of my baby sister Fern. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>During my pre-teen and adolescent years, being a big brother was truly a joy and an honor. I participated in sibling activities such as playing Nintendo with my brother and playing dolls with my sister. I was often charged by my parents to take my siblings to the playground. Seeing the smiles on my sibling's faces as they played on the monkey bars or in the sandbox was a sight to behold.</span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>Most importantly, as a big brother I was anointed to provide guidance and advice when necessary. Often my brother would ask for advice, and we would have discussions on subjects ranging from navigating friendships to how to avoid getting in trouble with our parents. My sister was a toddler, and she made sure that I coddled her when she wanted to be coddled. I also read books to her when she wanted to be read to. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>In 1990 I decided to attend college in South Carolina. Although I was excited to move eight hours away from home, I felt some sense of sadness because I truly missed my brother and sister. However, during my second year in college my life dramatically changed. Due to a horrific accident, I lost my eyesight and had to return home. As I traveled back from South Carolina, there were many questions I asked myself. The primary question was "As a blind person, how will my siblings treat me?" Even though my brother and sister were nine and four, it truly mattered how they felt about me as a big brother. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_3" o:spid="_x0000_s1026" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Shawn poses with his now adult siblings." style='position:absolute;margin-left:0;margin-top:0;width:3in;height:4in;z-index:251658240;visibility:visible;mso-wrap-style:square;mso-width-percent:0;mso-height-percent:0;mso-wrap-distance-left:0;mso-wrap-distance-top:0;mso-wrap-distance-right:0;mso-wrap-distance-bottom:0;mso-position-horizontal:left;mso-position-horizontal-relative:text;mso-position-vertical:absolute;mso-position-vertical-relative:line;mso-width-percent:0;mso-height-percent:0;mso-width-relative:page;mso-height-relative:page' o:allowoverlap="f">
<v:imagedata src="cid:image002.jpg@01D62940.7855C120" o:title="Shawn poses with his now adult siblings" />
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</v:shape><![endif]--><![if !vml]><img width=288 height=384 style='width:3.0in;height:4.0in' src="cid:image002.jpg@01D62940.7855C120" align=left alt="Shawn poses with his now adult siblings." v:shapes="Picture_x0020_3"><![endif]><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>When I returned home, I was happy to learn that the relationship did not change. At nine my brother understood that I was blind, and he quickly adapted to it. On the other hand, my sister was too young to understand my blindness, and it took time for her to adjust to my vision loss. It happened at about four-and-a-half. One day she sat in my lap and asked me to read her a book. I told her "Fern, I cannot read a book to you because I am blind." My sister paused and said, "That's right, you are blind, so I am going to get a book and read to you." This scenario warmed my heart, and I was in for a wonderful supportive ride with my siblings. To them I was still the big brother. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>As the years passed, they continued to seek advice and guidance from me. My brother would ask me questions about girls and sports. My sister would ask questions about choosing a college and the process of buying a home. More importantly, when I provided them with constructive criticism, they were never dismissive of my comments or suggestions. In addition, if my siblings had an issue with me, they had no problems expressing their feelings. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>Observers who are reading this article may say to themselves "Siblings are supposed to be supportive and caring for their loved one who has become blind or disabled." However, as a facilitator of a peer support group for people experiencing vision loss, I have encountered siblings of people who are blind or disabled who have received negative emotional feelings because of their sibling’s disability. These feelings include resentment, embarrassment, and feeling as though they are a parent and not a brother or sister. First, feelings of resentment manifest within a sibling because they may feel that all of the attention has been diverted to the disabled sibling. Once a family member acquires a disability, other family members tend to focus on the disabled loved one at all times. The ongoing special attention tends to occur because the parents may feel that the primary focus should be on the disabled child. Also, special attention toward the disabled sibling can occur at extended family outings and reunions. This attention may cause a sibling to feel isolated and withdrawn. Secondly, some siblings feel embarrassed being out in public with their disabled sibling. The feelings of embarrassment further escalate because the sibling watches people stare and whisper to themselves about his/her disabled sibling. This may cause the sibling to feel ashamed and unhappy about the unwanted attention. Lastly, some siblings feel parentified because their disabled sibling is not independent and may require constant assistance with daily needs. This is most common for the sibling of an individual who has experienced vision loss. If you are a blind person who has not obtained independent living skills, you are going to be extremely dependent on close family members and friends. Therefore the sibling is placed in a position of feeling as if they must always care for the daily needs of his/her disabled sibling. This can cause high levels of stress and anxiety. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>As I continue to facilitate a peer support group, I have encouraged siblings to locate and participate in support groups and organizations for siblings of individuals with disabilities. Also, I have encouraged siblings and other family members to seek family and group counseling to address negative feelings developed from interacting with their disabled loved one. Support groups and group counseling can assist siblings in releasing any suppressed emotions they may possess toward their disabled sibling. Also, disabled siblings will be able to freely express themselves about their life as a disabled person. This is especially important if the sibling recently acquired the disability. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>Adjusting to having a disability is not only difficult for the sibling who acquires it but for all family members and friends who play an integral part in the life of the disabled sibling. <br>Recently I had a conversation with my siblings, and I asked them if they experienced resentment, embarrassment, or feelings of being a parent because of my blindness. My siblings emphatically said no to the above questions and made it clear that my blindness was never an issue to them. Credit for my siblings’ feelings must be given to our parents. Whatever situations or circumstances that have occurred within the lives of my siblings and I, my parents have always made sure to treat us equally, and neither my siblings nor I received more attention than the other. Also I am truly blessed to have uncles, aunts, cousins, and close family friends who have been supportive of me and have given my siblings the equal attention and support they deserve. <br>Anthony and Fern are now thirty-seven and thirty-two years old respectively, and they are leading productive lives. Anthony works for Maryland Park and Planning as a recreational counselor providing guidance and assistance to children with disabilities. Fern is a senior health analyst for an agency in Washington, DC. My siblings have provided me support as I continue my tenure as president of the National Federation of the Blind of the District of Columbia. They have volunteered and participated in several Federation events including fundraisers, community outreach events, and state and national conventions. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style='background:white'><span style='font-size:13.5pt;color:black'>Over the years I have received awards for my volunteer and advocacy efforts for the blind and disabled community. The recognition ranges from receiving the NFB of DC Community Services Division Oliver Washington P.A.C.E Award to receiving a citation from United States Senator Chris Van Hollen for my work in bringing awareness to the lack of employment opportunities for blind people. However, my most cherished award was received in a parked car in Washington, DC. My sister gave me a ride home from a family event, and when I began to get out of the car my sister told me to stick out my hand. When I reached my right hand toward her, it touched her arm. On her arm were dots. I asked my sister, "Why do you have dots on your arm?" She said, "The dots are a Braille tattoo that spells love." I asked my sister what made her get a tattoo in Braille? She replied, "It is to honor you and to show you how proud I am of you." She also said that the tattoo is in recognition of the blind community. After entering my home I sat on my couch, and tears began rolling down my face. The tears represented the happiness I felt from my sister's recognition of me, but the tears also represented my recognizing that I am a blessed blind big brother. </span><span style='font-size:13.5pt'><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></body></html>