<html xmlns:v="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" xmlns:o="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" xmlns:w="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:word" xmlns:x="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:excel" xmlns:m="http://schemas.microsoft.com/office/2004/12/omml" xmlns="http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40"><head><meta http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"><meta name=Generator content="Microsoft Word 15 (filtered medium)"><style><!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
color:windowtext;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
--></style><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapedefaults v:ext="edit" spidmax="1026" />
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:shapelayout v:ext="edit">
<o:idmap v:ext="edit" data="1" />
</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link="#0563C1" vlink="#954F72"><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>IS THERE SHAME?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>by Jan Kafton<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>When a sensitive woman, who happens to be blind, meets repeated rejection in her attempts to lead a normal, full life, what impact does it have on her?<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>What does she do? What should she do? Jan Kafton tells us. Here is what she has to say.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>There have been only a few events in my life which have had a tremendous impact on me. The most recent of these events occurred in March of 1988. This<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>experience resulted in marriage.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>However, even more importantly, I was forced to re-evaluate my personal view of my own blindness. The circumstances and my thought processes merit an explanation.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>For several months I had been using a dating service called Selective Introductions. This service involves calling a pay phone number which presents messages<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>from men in a chosen age group. Then one has the opportunity to record a message, including the phone number.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>There were quite a few men I had met who were indeed friendly, courteous, and fun. Yet, there were a few of them who could not handle my blindness at all.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In fact, one or two of them actually left after they had arrived and met me.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In most cases I did not mention my blindness over the phone when the initial contact was made. Not one of the men had dated me more than twice, and my<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>discouragement mounted a great deal. On a Tuesday evening I received a call from an extremely personable, friendly young man, and we talked for a few minutes.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>I discovered that his background was very similar to mine. We shared a lot of common interests, including music, literature, and other recreational activities.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Also, we are both musicians.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>At any rate we decided to meet and have dinner together that same night. Just before the end of the conversation I said to him that I thought he should<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>know one more important item regarding me. I told him that I had a visual problem. He then asked me what that meant. I said that I had no sight.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>In every other instance I have always said that I was blind, without any hesitation. What caused my unwillingness to say that I was blind? Lon's response<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>to my statement brought me up short. He simply said, "So what?"<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Yes, I did meet Lon that Tuesday night, and the rest is history. He has continually confirmed what I already knew to be true for me, that my blindness<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>has been reduced to a physical nuisance. He is entirely supportive of that viewpoint and of my goal to be successful in life.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>As blind people, we do face many problems. Yet, that is why there is a National Federation of the Blind, which is always available for encouragement and<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>collective action if necessary.<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Many have led the way for our present progress and future first-class citizenship as blind persons. I not only owe a great deal to each of them, but I<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>do owe a lot to my husband, Lon Kafton. He allowed me to look at my blindness and helped me to know there is indeed no shame in being blind. I choose to<o:p></o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>go on productively and proudly.<o:p></o:p></p></div></body></html>