[nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism

Sat Dec 13 18:34:11 UTC 2014

Hi all,
I think much of this issue comes from fundamental public
misunderstandings about how effectively blind people perceive their
surroundings. Recall that most AER-trained mobility instructors are
taught that blind clients cannot handle uncontrolled intersections
safely like the one Don is describing. I grew up being consistently
told that my hearing wasn't good enough to pick up on the faraway cars
sighties could see. Wasn't until LCB that I learned how to handle
these intersections. So, if O&M's don't even get it, imagine that most
members of the general public will underestimate how much information
we can gather through our ears. Sighted people also often
misunderstand how effectively our canes keep us safe. Then, given this
misunderstanding, they will try to "help" us in ways that actually
cause harm by interfering with our active perception of our world, by
taking away our control of where we are going, etc. They think their
behavior is completely appropriate and justified. So if we react
defensively, they interpret it as being rude. Unfortunately, if these
folks aren't taught more appropriate ways of interacting with us, they
might conclude that we will be rude to them no matter what, and just
avoid us completely. To complicate matters, there are some times when
all of us need blindness-specific help--asking what a street sign
says, etc. It can be very confusing for sighties to know when we do or
don't desire help, much less how we want that help to be given.
This problem could be circumvented if a sighted person stops to take a
breath before "blindly" jumping in and trying to help. They can ask if
we need help, or just calmly observe us navigating for a little bit,or
just come up and starts a normal conversation that doesn't center
around help-giving. Whenever I do disability in-services I always
stress "ask if somebody needs help, don't just assume and jump in".
But there are many many people we won't be able to reach through an
in-service, and there's not always time to educate everyone on how
their behavior can be improved in the future.
Don, I totally agree with you that it's not fair for us to have to
accept special treatment and kindnesses not extended to other members
of society. I think it's very unfair that if a man grabs me in a way
that would normally get him punched by any other lady, the social
expectation is that I need to be nice and accept his "kindness".
Unfortunately though, in reality, if we insist on being treated just
like everybody else, we are bound to be misunderstood and labeled as
rude and ungrateful rather than having our equality better understood.
I try to strike a balance between being nice (because I do try to see
myself as a nice person) and being firm about how I do and don't want
to be treated. I do think that many sighted people have great capacity
to understand us as equal citizens if we give them the chance,
especially if we build friendships and relationships with them--and
many of us have sighted friends or spouses who come to mind.
Arielle

On 12/13/14, Don Mitchell via nfbwatlk <nfbwatlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Becky,
>
> You error if you think this woman was just being kind. There were no other
> humans in the vicinity except for a friend and neighbor waiting at the bus
> stop on the other side. I asked him, if there were any others crossing. He
> said I was the only one. He crossed shortly before me and no one stopped to
> let him cross, nor to give him advise as to when to cross. The NFB exists to
> confront this kind of behavior. Do not deny that this attitude exists. By
> the way, I kindly thanked the driver for her help. I have no anger nor
> hatred of the sighted. I also do not except that I need any help that would
> not be offered to anyone else. I am not questioning her kind hart, or good
> intentions. I am only saying It was my white cane that caused her to stop. I
> was totally safe and secure. She assumed I needed her advice.
> Don Mitchell
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Becky Frankeberger [mailto:b.butterfly at comcast.net]
> Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2014 7:03 AM
> To: 'Don Mitchell'; 'NFB of Washington Talk Mailing List'
> Subject: RE: [nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism
>
> You can't read what is in her mind. She may well have stopped for a person
> carrying grocerys, or a mother pushing a baby stroller. So stop projecting
> something that isn't there. Say thank you and get on with your life.
>
> Becky
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nfbwatlk [mailto:nfbwatlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Don
> Mitchell via nfbwatlk
> Sent: Friday, December 12, 2014 8:39 PM
> To: 'Jim Portillo'; 'NFB of Washington Talk Mailing List'; 'Mike Freeman'
> Subject: Re: [nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism
>
> Jim,
>
> I am not sure I agree with you. If she had done it for any of my neighbors
> who cross at that place as we all do. I would agree. She only did because I
> was blind and she assumed I was in trouble. She would not have done the same
> for my sighted neighbors I bet. The fact that she was trying to be nice
> doesn't change the fact that she assumed that a blind person could not cross
> a street without her help.
>
> Don
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jim Portillo [mailto:portillo.jim at gmail.com]
> Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2014 10:20 PM
> To: 'Don Mitchell'; 'NFB of Washington Talk Mailing List'; 'Mike Freeman'
> Subject: RE: [nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism
>
> Hmmm.  People might disagree with me on this, and if so, that's cool.
> I'm not sure I see anything wrong with what happened, Don.  I don't think
> it's custodialism for someone to have done a nice act, considering it's a
> street the way you described it.  You were still paying attention and using
> your judgment.
> I think that sometimes, we might misinterpret or be overly-sensative to
> someone giving us information or that little word of help.  From what you're
> describing, she meant well.
>
> Now, if she had completely stopped her car, gotten out, and dragged you
> across...Then I'd be concerned.
>
> Jim
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nfbwatlk [mailto:nfbwatlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Don
> Mitchell via nfbwatlk
> Sent: Wednesday, December 10, 2014 7:59 PM
> To: 'Mike Freeman'; 'NFB of Washington Talk Mailing List'
> Subject: [nfbwatlk] drive in custodialism
>
> This was a new one for me. I live in a house that backs up against a very
> busy city street. The street is four lanes 2 north and 2 south with a median
> between them. I have been crossing this street twice a day for over 30
> years.
>
> Because this street is busy and there are no lights: I usually cross two
> lanes and listen at the center median and cross the second two when it is
> clear.
>
> Imagine my surprise, today, when as I waited on the medium a car stopped.
> The driver rolled down her window and said to me: “You can go after I leave
> it is clear.”  I did not like to trust her, but she was right.
>
> Don Mitchell
>
>
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