[nobe-l] Apollo 11 Story Feedack and Vend Fest

Tina Hansen th404 at comcast.net
Wed Jan 23 06:59:52 UTC 2019

Thanks to those of you who have offered feedback on my Apollo 11 narrative.
However, I do have a few questions and observations.


I apologize for this "vent fest," but I feel like I need to settle this in
my mind. This started with me 25 years ago when I attended an event at the
planetarium at my community college. When I got out of there, I felt there
was a mismatch between the speaker and the audience. I don't want that to


This is the first time I've attempted to write anything for kids. I don't
work with kids, nor do I have any of my own.


Part of my concern is due to the way our culture takes in information. As a
whole, we live in a rather loud culture, and the media seems to make people
expect everything to be super dramatic, elaborate, cinematic or theatrical.
The visual world is especially notorious for special effects, but as anyone
who has seen Star Wars knows, the sound design is incredible. And many films
have incredible sound tracks.


Since we likely won't use visuals, we have to include everything in our
audio. We plan to include the voices of the astronauts, but is it necessary
to use rap or song within our narrative as a way to hold their interest? Has
it gotten so bad that we feel we have to resort to gimmicks to keep them
interested? Do we have to compete with the media?


I'm not concerned with anything after the narrative, since we're using
experiments as a way to get the students engaged.


I'm doing the best I can, but I'm concerned about avoiding potential traps.
I don't want to talk down to this audience, nor do I wish to dumb the story
down. If the story is too shallow, it won't be worth anything. But how do I
encourage them to go deeper if they're interested. If we just tell the story
and leave it there, they'll think it doesn't mean anything to them.


What about humor. I don't want to "try to be funny," but how can I use
humor, especially since we're recording the narrative in advance?


I wonder if the story needs an ending that gets them to think. I want them
to think about what they want to be when they grow up.


I have this feeling that I need to connect it to the NFB somehow, but how do
I do that?


I'm meeting with my project team on Friday, and I hope to get some feedback
from team members. If needed, I'll be dashing off a third draft to the lists
for more feedback.


Any thoughts about these observations? Thanks.

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