[Ohio-Communities-of-Faith] FW: Why Go TO Church

Sun Mar 7 20:07:22 UTC 2021

From: Larry Perry [mailto:larryperry at performancepress.ccsend.com] On Behalf Of Larry Perry
Sent: Sunday, March 7, 2021 12:10 PM
To: mmoore11 at kent.edu
Subject: Why Go TO Church

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Letter from Larry

Sunday

March 7, 2021

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Good Sunday Afternoon Everyone:

Today I thought I would share a little Church humor with you to

hopefully lighten your load for the day.

Why Go to Church 

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it 

was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." 

"Why not?" she asked. 

"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. 

"(1), they don't like me, and (2), I don't like them." 

His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD 

go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" 

The Picnic 

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of

July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. 

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You 

really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't 

understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You

don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've

tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. "

Tell me, Rabbi, "when are you going to break down and try it?" 

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding." 

The Usher 

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly 

usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely. 

"The front row, please," she answered. 

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really 

boring." 

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. 

"No," he said. 

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly. 

"Do you know who I am?" he asked. 

"No," she said. "Good," he answered. 

Show and Tell 

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. 

Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented

their religion to share with the class. 

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is 

Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David." 

" The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name 

is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary. " 

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name 

is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole." 

" The Best Way To Pray 

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for 

prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. 

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. 

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands 

outstretched to Heaven." 

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position 

is lying down on the floor." 

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he 

interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' 

upside down from a telephone pole." 

The Twenty and the One 

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar 

bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved 

along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. 

The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. 

"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to 

Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, 

performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean ."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!" 

"So, tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your

lifetime?" 

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the 

Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ." 

The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?" 

Goat for Dinner 

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While 

they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their 

son what they were having. 

"Goat," the little boy replied. 

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" 

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 

'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.” 

Lord, keep 

Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!

May God Bless YOU and YOURS!

Much love.

Larry  

NOTE: This letter is sent to anyone interested in receiving these inspirational notes. There is no charge and you are encouraged to forward these to anyone you think would benefit from reading them. If you would like to receive them direct, just send an email to me at larryperry at att.net and request to be added to the Letters from Larry list. If you press the UNSUBSCRIBE button, you will be permanently unsubscribed from receiving these letters. 

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