[Ohio-talk] Advice for helping others cope with vision loss

Fri Oct 18 00:01:09 UTC 2013

Hello Everyone,

WOW! This dialog is great! I am in total agreement with those that
pointed out the grief process, the necessity of learning new skills,
educating her family, and the importance of the proper type of
support, as key issues. There is no proper way to grieve, the stages
may occur in a random order and will take time. However, there are
other things to consider, ask yourself what was her  perception of
herself prior to this traumatic event? How has her life experiences
prepared her for this major loss? Sometimes, trauma only magnifies our
doubts and fears . Most people don't like change,however it happens
without our permission .
I lost my vision when I was 27 years old, because of a neurological
problem and other health issues followed as part of the package.
Blindness was the least of my problems, it was more of an issue for my
family. Because the mind may not process everything at once it is
easier to focus on the obvious and magnify it. Give all of the
suggestions and advice some thought before you go into action. Make
sure to keep yourself in a good place emotionally, this is very
important, because often there is nothing we can or should do until
the individual is receptive to learning new coping skills. Stress is
unhealthy, this is difficult to avoid since she is your roommate, be
careful to take good care of yourself.  Continue to be positive,
honest, and productive,affirming your confidence daily will help. You
don't have to own her negativity. Most of us learn best by example,
keep up the good work.

Blessings,
Cheryl Fields
7 Stages of Grief, taken from, "Recover-from-grief.com" copyright© &
trademark. All rights reserved.

1. Shock and Denial
2. Pain and Guilt

3. Anger and Bargaining

4. Depression, Reflection , Loniliness

5. The upward turn

6. Reconstruction and Working through

7. Acceptance and Hope!

Working through all of these does not garunteee happiness, but it is
the beginning of a new reality!
On 10/17/13, COLLEEN ROTH <n8tnv at att.net> wrote:
> Hi Kaitie,
> I know this is really hard. I remember talking to newly blinded people and
> trying to put pyf in their position. When you have always been blind it
> isn't easy to do.
> It does sound like her other neurological symptoms are worrisome to say the
> least.
> I am not sure how she will receive this suggestion but since the NFF State
> Convention is in Miamisburg she might do well to attend as much as we can
> encourage her to attend.
> She knows you and she has her own feelings about you in mind.
> Maybe meeting other blind people who are not in a personal relationship with
> her would be helpful.
> She would have the opportunity to see other blind people as independent,
> competent adults.
> I would think that her other health issues should be handled so that this
> doesn't affect her ability to continue in college.
> I also think that she may need to get some training in blindness skills if
> other issues make it hard for her to function.
> Her emotions are going to fluctuate and she is going to find this
> challenging. The best thing you and your roomate can do is introduce her to
> the NFB.
> You could also encourage her to invite her parents so that the work of
> learning to function as a Legally Blind person can continue.
> Remember what we take for granted is sometimes very overwhelming for others.
> That doesn't mean we should baby your roommate, we need to work with her to
> teach her the skills she needs.
> She is a young woman and has her whole life ahead of her.
> Colleen Roth
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Karen Noles <ladynfb at att.net>
> To: NFB of Ohio Announcement and Discussion List ohio-talk at nfbnet.org
> Date: Thursday, October 17, 2013 10:52 am
> Subject: Re: [Ohio-talk] Advice for helping others cope with vision loss
>
>>
>>
>> Hi Katie
>> I don't have all the answers to a happy medium but please encourage her to
>> get involved with our NFB it has been a world of support and education for
>> me as a parent of a blind ch/adult now pity is the worst thing her family
>> can give her now they don't realize this and there is no easy way to try
>> and tell them to get educated about blindness through the NFB and please
>> worry about her issue that caused the problem to begin with.
>>
>> Karen Noles
>>
>> Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID
>>
>> Kaiti Shelton <kaiti.shelton at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> >Hi all,
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >I'm asking for advice, because I have very little experience with this.
>> > My
>> >friend and roommate, due to some odd medical circumstances, was
>> > diagnosed
>> >legally blind last weekend.  She still has the vast majority of her
>> > vision,
>> >(she lost some peripheral, but not enough to lose her driving
>> > priviledges).
>> >Nevertheless, the diagnosis has her freaking about about the potential
>> > for
>> >going blind some day in the future.  She is on treatment now so it's
>> >possible that her vision won't decrease further at all.  She's so upset
>> >about it though that she's fixating on it rather than the other
>> > neurological
>> >symptoms associated with her condition, which are effecting things like
>> > her
>> >ability to concentrate , and her ability to walk long distances and lift
>> >things above a certain weight is compromised by the treatment she is on.
>> >She also gets really bad, migraine-level headaches, which are so painful
>> >that they'll take her out of commission from whatever she's doing.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >My other roommate and I are a bit unsure of how to handle this.  The
>> > other
>> >roommate is sighted, but had a grandparent who went blind later in life
>> > and
>> >still managed to be independent.  Both she and I know blindness is not
>> > the
>> >worst thing that could happen to a person, and are far more concerned
>> > with
>> >the other symptoms than the vision.  We feel for her circumstances, but
>> >we're caught in the middle because even my roommate knows blindness is
>> > not
>> >really something to be pittied from seeing her grandparent pick up and
>> >continue after losing sight.  But, The roommate who was diagnosed did
>> > not
>> >know a single blind person before she met me, and although I have shown
>> > her
>> >I personally don't fit the poor, helpless blind person stereotype, she
>> > still
>> >perceives blind people at large in that way.  (For example, rather than
>> >independent she calls me "high functioning" and has a tendency to help
>> > at
>> >times because she thinks it's what I need).  I don't really talk about
>> >things like blindness philosophy with my roommates, so I didn't place
>> > much
>> >of an emphasis on really teaching otherwise.  I might have said things
>> > here
>> >and there about how I'm not as independent as some other blind people,
>> > or
>> >that a lot of other people are independent too, but I never really
>> > dispelled
>> >the myth that I was extraordinarily high-functioning for being blind, or
>> >that other people were not lower in functioning because of their
>> > blindness.
>> >I just figured that I should do what I normally do, politely deal with
>> > the
>> >unwanted helping, and go on with the hope that I would be a good example.
>> >  I
>> >really did not give it a lot of thought beyond that.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >First I tried to empathize with her, but I am finding that as a
>> > congenitally
>> >blind person, it is difficult for me to really empathize because I have
>> >grown up with my parents always being honest about my vision, the
>> > potential
>> >for total blindness at some point, and positive role models to show me
>> > that
>> >should that happen I can still lead a fully happy and productive life.
>> > My
>> >parents also worked to develop blindness skills I can use, and as an
>> > adult I
>> >have even taught myself a few adaptive techniques to pick up where my
>> > mom
>> >and dad left off.  But, I do not understand the sudden shock of receiving
>> > a
>> >diagnosis later in life, nor do I not have the slightest idea of how I
>> > would
>> >continue should something happen to my vision, as I have needed to make
>> >changes to accommodate decreases before.  I also realize that seeing
>> > someone
>> >else use adaptive techniques is far different from imagining yourself
>> > doing
>> >them.  I can understand that she might be thinking, "How will I match my
>> >clothes?," or "how will I cook?," even though she sees me do both things
>> > and
>> >others on a daily basis.  These things might seem like relatively small
>> >things to me as I know systems for dealing with them, but to someone who
>> >doesn't know they could seem like impossible tasks to perform without
>> > sight.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >This has been especially weird for me, as she has been condemning
>> > blindness
>> >so strongly the past few days.  I know that her experience is totally
>> >different, as she has had full sight to this point in her life and has
>> > those
>> >negative perceptions to go off of, but I have trouble separating her woe
>> >statements from statements about me or blind people in general.  I do
>> > not
>> >want her to continue pittying herself, nor do I want to force positive
>> >philosophy on her because she isn't ready for it.  This is still very
>> > new
>> >for her and I know I need to give her some time to work through some of
>> >these issues on her own.  However, I also feel that if she really does
>> > have
>> >these very strong, negative feelings about blindness, that the sooner
>> > she
>> >gets rid of them the better she'll be should further vision loss occur.
>> > I
>> >feel like the longer she believes blindness is to be pittied, the more
>> >likely it is that she will feel that she is to be pittied, and that will
>> > not
>> >make coping with her condition any better.  It doesn't help that the
>> > family,
>> >in their ignorance, seems to be pittying her as well.  As we know, that
>> > is
>> >probably the last thing she needs, which is why I think giving her a
>> >positive view of blindness will be really important.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Any thoughts on how to find a happy medium?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >Kaiti Shelton
>> >
>> >University of Dayton---2016
>> >
>> >Music Therapy Major, Psychology Minor, Clarinet
>> >
>> >Advocates for Sexual Assault Prevention (ASAP), Vice president
>> >
>> >Ohio Association of Blind Students, Secretary
>> >
>> >NFB Community Service Group, Service Project Committee Chair
>> >
>> >Sigma Alpha Iota-Delta Sigma, Usher Coordinator
>> >
>> >UD Music Therapy Club
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >_______________________________________________
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-- 
Peace