[Ohio-talk] Questions and Answers or For Your Information, You Choose!

[Andra Stover]

Thank you for sharing SUZANNE. The questions about the buffet were actually helpful for me :-) although I never did like buffets even when I had more site.

Sent from my iPhone

> On Feb 21, 2019, at 9:14 PM, Suzanne Turner via Ohio-Talk <ohio-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Ohio,
> 
> 
> 
> I ran across a great piece of information that I want to share. I am a firm
> believer in socialization skills; be it for children, adults or the blind.
> The information was written by our own Barbara Pierce. I hope there is
> something in the document that will help, remind or offer suggestions for
> you and others. It was written sometime ago, but it is still relevant today!
> 
> 
> 
> Suzanne
> 
> 
> 
> ///
> 
> 
> 
> Ask Miss Whozit
> 
> It is always a pleasure to hear from people who read the Braille Monitor,
> and the occasional thank you can often make my day. Even the questions and
> criticisms are often blessings in disguise, because they cause me to look
> outside what I have traditionally thought of as suitable material for this
> publication.
> 
> One of the more persistent questions I have received in the last year or so
> is why I have decided to discontinue the Miss Whozit column. The simple
> answer is that I have not. The idea of the piece, which started in 1989, was
> to answer questions that came from readers with the hope that we would both
> encourage questions some might feel embarrassed to ask of friends and family
> and that we might, through pooling the expertise of our membership, come up
> with good answers that would serve well if only they were shared widely.
> 
> Three of the questions that have appeared in the Miss Whozit column have
> come from me. When I asked them of those I loved and trusted, I felt they
> were ducked. Either I was told that they were not important, that they did
> not happen in my life, or that there was nothing I could do about them. I
> thought that the Braille Monitor might give me a better answer. It did. With
> the knowledge that it can and the hope that it will, we are reprinting some
> examples from the column. Enjoy.
> 
> Dear Miss Whozit,
> 
> I did not have enough proper blindness training when I was young, so I’m
> never sure when it is appropriate for me to touch food when I’m eating food
> on my own plate or serving myself from a buffet. Can you help?
> 
> Apprehensive
> 
> Dear Apprehensive,
> 
> You have asked a good question. Miss Whozit believes that two basic
> considerations determine appropriate handling of food: sanitation and the
> rules of etiquette. Some foods are appropriate for touching: fried chicken
> on the bone, French fries, breads, and most relishes (celery, radishes,
> olives, carrot sticks, etc.), as well as cookies, candy, and small tarts and
> quiches.
> 
> However, it is Miss Whozit’s firmly held opinion that most other foods
> should not be touched but maneuvered with knife, fork, or spoon. You should
> never touch food being passed until you have served yourself. If you’re
> unsure what is on the platter or in the bowl being passed, quietly ask the
> person who passed it to you.
> 
> Miss Whozit is painfully aware that some blind people have not learned to
> serve themselves. She suggests that, if you can’t do so confidently, you
> should ask a person near you to place a serving on your plate rather than
> skipping the item altogether.
> 
> You can eat the food on your own plate quite easily without inordinate
> touching by using a dinner roll or biscuit to stabilize what you want to
> slide on to the fork. The same thing can be accomplished using the European
> method of using the knife in the non-dominant hand to cut and stabilize food
> while wielding the fork in the other hand in the usual way.
> 
> Miss Whozit insists that everyone—and she does mean everyone—needs practice
> in handling table etiquette gracefully and competently. It is a necessary
> art if one is to be accepted socially, and like all others the skills must
> be mastered.
> 
> Miss Whozit has heard the rumor that the NFB argues that blindness can be
> reduced to the level of a nuisance, and she believes that it is a
> nuisance—nothing more—for a blind person to go through a buffet line.
> Because it is never acceptable to put your fingers in someone else’s food,
> the blind person must accept the nuisance and learn how to cope with it.
> 
> Miss Whozit finds two ways acceptable: If an attendant is staffing the
> table, ask that person to assist you by telling you what is in each bowl and
> on each platter so that you can find the serving piece and serve yourself.
> Or, alternatively, simply have someone serve your plate for you.
> 
> When all is said and done, Miss Whozit dreams of a world in which all blind
> people are properly trained and graciously accepted by others.
> 
> Dear Miss Whozit:
> 
> Over the years, even at NFB conventions, I have observed people,
> particularly those born blind or without families who taught them how to
> handle themselves in public. I have just enough vision to notice
> inappropriate behavior and sometimes correct myself when I observe the way
> sighted people behave. I can then ask for advice about how things should be
> done. It is often embarrassing but also rewarding.
> 
> One thing that should be addressed when people are ready for employment
> after going through our training centers is habitual rocking or other
> repetitive motions. Several sighted friends who have worked in the corporate
> world have asked me about this behavior, and frankly I cannot think of an
> adequate answer.
> 
> Why do people who are blind, particularly those who have been in residential
> schools, rock? I was helping in a booth in the exhibit hall one year, and my
> partner was sitting Indian fashion on a folding chair, rocking back and
> forth, swinging a keychain from side to side in front of his face and
> shaking his head. I do not know how he kept from falling out of the chair.
> In the course of conversation I discovered this man had been to college and
> had several degrees but had been unsuccessful for years in finding a job. I
> asked him if he had figured out why, and he said that he did not know. He
> said he wore clean jeans and t-shirts to the interviews and made sure he had
> showered that morning. I asked if he had ever taken a job-readiness class in
> college, and he said that he didn't need one. All he had to do was present
> his résumé and recommendation letters. Setting aside the question of
> inappropriate dress for an interview, he is not the only person I have seen
> rocking or exhibiting unusual behavior.
> 
> Should I have tried to say something direct enough to make him recognize his
> unacceptable behavior without making him angry or embarrassing him? Whether
> we want to admit it or not, the majority of people in human resources are
> sighted and extremely dependent on first impressions. I worked in an office
> for almost thirteen years and had to maintain a certain level of decorum.
> Aren't these subjects addressed at our training centers? What about the
> importance of good posture and appropriate body language?
> 
> Sincerely,
> Decent Impression 
> 
> Dear Decent Impression:
> 
> You have raised a very important yet sensitive issue that often falls into
> the category of the elephant in the living room that everyone studiously
> avoids mentioning. It falls into the broad category of behavior often called
> "blindisms"—idly or vigorously rocking front to back or side to side,
> twisting the head from side to side, rubbing the eyes, fluttering fingers in
> front of the eyes to make sure they still work, twisting hair, and other
> equally odd mannerisms. The second part of the equation is the reaction of
> sighted people to any unusual, different, or even unacceptable human
> behavior.
> 
> Miss Whozit wishes to begin by pointing out a truth which should be
> self-evident but nevertheless needs occasional repeating: sighted people can
> see! Strange as it may seem, some blind people apparently forget this
> reality from time to time and engage in activities in public which are
> disgusting or embarrassing to those watching. Any human being, blind or
> sighted, may well engage in activities in private which are simply
> unacceptable when the behavior is or may be observed by others. Dr. Kenneth
> Jernigan wrote extensively on this topic in his article "The Barrier of the
> Visible Difference" in the Kernel Book Gray Pancakes and Gold Horses.
> Blindisms have been discussed and written about widely. Miss Whozit is sad
> to report that some people propound deep psychological and philosophical
> foundations to explain this phenomenon, and perhaps they are right.
> Unfortunately such explanations do not provide an excuse that lets the blind
> person off the social hook. Miss Whozit is convinced that the reasons for
> such behavior are simple. All small children engage in a variety of
> behaviors that are universally unacceptable. If little Suzie is sighted, her
> parents and other relatives will say, "Stop picking your nose [or whatever]!
> You may not do that. That is a nasty habit." Moreover, the concerned adults
> will keep at it until the habit is broken.
> 
> If little Suzie is blind, however, many parents and other adults seem to be
> reluctant or even afraid to hold the blind child to the sighted standard.
> When the parents listen to the faux experts in the field rather than the
> authentic experts (the organized blind), the expectation for normal and
> appropriate behavior becomes obscured. When this happens, what begins as a
> petty little habit eventually becomes a hard-wired characteristic which is
> nearly impossible to reverse.
> 
> These unacceptable mannerisms then run headlong into the social expectations
> of sighted society and reinforce the minority-group status of the blind. If
> a sighted person engages in some activity which is not the norm (some do),
> those around him or her dismiss the undesirable habit as the actions of a
> weirdo. Other sighted people are not tarred by the weirdness brush and are
> certainly not placed in that category just because of the odd behavior of
> one weirdo. When, however, a blind person exhibits such behavior, many in
> society judge all blind people by the unacceptable or bizarre behavior of
> the one. Like it or not, we blind people are already thought of as different
> and are scrutinized more closely. Adding the unacceptable behavior compounds
> the novelty of blindness and the attention it draws.
> 
> In his book Freedom for the Blind, Jim Omvig devotes an entire chapter to
> the topic of blending in and endeavoring to behave in such a way that one is
> acceptable to others. Miss Whozit pleads with parents of blind children to
> read this chapter and also to be relentless in their effort to stamp out
> overtly bizarre behavior or even silly little habits. What can and should
> adults do to combat such behavior in themselves or those they care about? If
> one recognizes personal blindisms, he or she should ask friends and family
> members to offer quiet, private reminders when the old habits surface. If
> friends or family members care about a person who is not aware of blindisms,
> they should go quietly to that person and ask if they can help. In either
> case a private plan should be devised to give a signal to the blind person
> as a reminder that he or she is engaging in the activity and should stop.
> 
> The sad truth is that until and unless the blind adult with such habits
> recognizes them and wishes to be rid of them, no one else can help very
> much. What we can do is to make clear to these friends just how much of a
> problem the behavior is and at what a disadvantage it will put the person
> socially and professionally. We do nothing but harm our children or friends
> by pretending that everyone else will understand or that the peculiar
> behavior will not be as much of a roadblock to social acceptance as poor
> grooming or disgusting table manners. 
> 
> Dear Miss Whozit,
> 
> Lately it seems that all of my girlfriends are dieting or at the least
> hyper-conscious about their carb count. For this reason we constantly seem
> to have lunch at salad bars. Another frequent occurrence is my family's
> visits to all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants. Both of these restaurant
> choices make for uncomfortable dining experiences for me. "Why?" you may
> ask. "Don't you enjoy salads? Or is it that you simply don't have enough
> room in your stomach for all that's available to eat?"
> 
> The answer is neither. Rather, when I go out to eat, I am unsure about how
> to identify salad dressings and the like at the salad bar. And I consider
> buffets simply nightmares waiting to happen. How do I handle these social
> situations? Eager for your response,
> 
> Buffet Baffled
> 
> Dear Baffled,
> 
> Learning to maneuver through a buffet line with grace and ease can feel
> overwhelming, but, once armed with accurate information and good skills, you
> too will be able to take advantage of the convenience and selection provided
> by this vast array of dietary indulgences. Remember that anticipatory
> anxiety of the unknown is often more unpleasant than the actual event.
> 
> We live in an interdependent society. Sometimes asking for assistance is
> necessary or prudent. As Federationists we have learned the truth of Dr.
> Jernigan's speech, "The Nature of Independence," in which he defines
> independence as doing what we want to do when we want to do it without
> inconveniencing ourselves or others. In that speech he also spoke about the
> importance of accomplishing tasks efficiently rather than always insisting
> on doing them alone. Going through a buffet line is one instance in which
> these two concepts merge.
> 
> Once you have made the decision to navigate a buffet line, it is essential
> to request assistance from someone. If others in your party are going
> through the buffet line, you can ask one of them to provide the visual
> information and any necessary assistance, or you can ask your server if an
> employee is available to assist you. Which decision you make depends on the
> circumstances. If you are the only one in your party going through the
> buffet line, solicit the assistance of someone on the restaurant staff. If
> you feel at ease asking a member of your party for assistance, it is quick
> and easy to adopt that solution.
> 
> Once you are ready to make your selections at the buffet, instruct the
> person providing assistance about your preference of the best way to move
> through the line. If you know ahead of time that you are looking
> specifically for salad items, provide this information. If you decide that
> life is really too short and you want to eat dessert first, say so. Let the
> person providing assistance know how you would like the items identified.
> 
> If you plan to plate your own food, ask that the items be identified in a
> column format going from back to front so you know where each item is
> located when you serve yourself. Be sure when serving your own food to keep
> extra napkins handy to wipe your fingers if you accidentally come into
> contact with stray food items or sauces. It is important to maintain good
> hygiene when handling serving utensils in a public place.
> 
> Miss Whozit wants to emphasize at this point that you are responsible for
> carrying your own plates, glasses, or bowls. You have requested assistance
> learning what items are on the line and perhaps placing the food on your
> plate, not providing service as a personal butler, carrying your selections
> from the line to the table.
> 
> One gentle reminder, if you are dining during peak customer hours and you
> realize that a line is forming behind you, make your selections as quickly
> as possible and keep moving. The beauty of a buffet is that you are often
> allowed to return for seconds. So be sure to ask your server ahead of time
> whether you are dining at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
> 
> Miss Whozit recommends that for your first attempt at negotiating a buffet
> line you go at a time when you will feel at ease so that you will begin to
> gain confidence in the techniques you devise. If you have a blind friend who
> is comfortable handling buffets, you might invite him or her to go with you
> so that you can ask for advice along the way. Remember when embarking on any
> new challenge, the most important thing is to believe that it is possible
> and gather as much information ahead of time as you can. Then just do it. As
> J. Laing Burns says, "You've got to believe if you want to succeed." 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Suzanne Hartfield-Turner, President
> 
> NFBOH-Cleveland Chapter
> 
> P: (641) 715-3900
> 
> Ex: 582705
> 
> A: PO Box 141077
> 
> Cleveland, Ohio 44114
> 
> E: President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com
> <mailto:President.NFB.ClevelandOhio at Gmail.com> 
> 
> Please visit and take a moment to like our Facebook Page!
> 
> https://m.facebook.com/NationalFederationOfTheBlindOfOhioClevelandChapter/ 
> 
> 
> 
> The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
> characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
> expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
> between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
> blindness is not what holds you back.
> 
> 
> 
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