[Ohio-Talk] I am a Federationist

[Richard Payne]

I love to read the personal stories.
I am a Federationist
by Jessica Reed


>From the Editor: I think this article is a pearl, and the truth is that I
almost lost it. It got stored in a pending folder, and evidently I pended
the desire to look at it. It came six months ago, but thank goodness, it is
as timely now as it was when submitted.
Jessica Reed is the mother of two children ages five and two. She is the
vice president of the Fredericksburg Chapter of the National Federation of
the Blind of Virginia. An active Federationist since 2004, she enjoys
reading, physical fitness, the outdoors, and history.
In this article Jessica speaks eloquently to the value of sight, the sadness
in losing it, the reluctance to believe other blind people might have
answers, and the life-changing realization that those of us in the
Federation have some. Here is what she says:
I cry over my blindness, and all too often fall into the trap of "Why me!" I
have never felt that my blindness was "just a characteristic." I would take
my vision back in a nanosecond. As a student at the Louisiana Center for the
Blind, I took two weeks to make a lemon meringue pie, dropping more than one
egg yolk on my classmate's foot.
I am many things, but I would never call myself super blind. If we are
totally honest, for the first ten years of my blindness I would have
flinched and may have smacked anyone who called me blind. All this and I am
a Federationist.
I lost my vision at the age of nine as a result of medical malpractice. To
say that my family and I were devastated would be an understatement. I was
close to needing to repeat the third and fourth grades because, when I did
make it to school, I was more often than not missing and later found
hysterical in the girl's bathroom.
When it first happened, doctors assured my family that my vision loss was
only temporary. I woke every morning expecting to see. Not until years later
was I told point-blank by a prominent neurosurgeon, "There isn't a
snowball's chance in hell." My family was never the same after this doctor
visit.
Today I am a stay-at-home mother to two beautiful thriving children. I have
a sighted husband and live in the historic town of Fredericksburg, like I
always dreamed. I have traveled, jumped out of a plane, ran a marathon,
graduated from college, and have worked. I am a Federationist.
When I ventured off to the Louisiana Center for the Blind at the age of
eighteen, I went with the conviction that I would try out its training
(which I wasn't convinced I needed), but they could keep their NFB
hard-nosed, militant philosophy to themselves. I loved guide dogs and was
not the political type. I had many sighted friends so therefore did not need
any blindness social club. While in Louisiana, I questioned and argued with
almost everything they taught. The word blind was a slap in the face. It was
a scarlet letter I had to attempt to hide and mask at every turn, and I was
baffled at how the staff and students could have no shame in it. These were
educated, well-put-together, attractive people. There were people with
children, some with advanced degrees, some who were wealthy, and some who
lived paycheck to paycheck. I slowly began to fall off my pedestal. There
were also those who struggled immensely with cane travel, cooking,
computers, or knew no Braille at all. There were those that knew nothing
other than blindness and those like me trying to navigate a jagged road of
anger, frustration, and immeasurable grief.
The National Federation of the Blind philosophy is not the delusion I was
once convinced it was. Yes, I would love to know exactly what my children
look like and see another sunrise, but what stabs through my heart most of
the time is not that. It is the frustration of not being able to drive. It
is the sadness that I will never be able to teach my son to drive. It is the
anger that rears up when I hear of another blind Lyft or Uber customer being
stranded by a driver because they have a guide dog. It is the anger that
claws up at me when I hear of another blind parent having their child
removed by CPS [Children's Protective Services] solely due to their
blindness. It is the sadness I feel when I meet a highly educated blind
person who cannot find even a minimum-wage job. These people are all me, so
I am a Federationist.
As a little girl, I had a little wooden cross I would hold nightly during
prayers. I would trace the metal figure of Jesus nailed to that cross. The
number of tears I cried while clutching that cross and wondering what I did
wrong and the number of times I kissed his little feet cannot be counted.
The word "inconvenience" was jarring even when put into context with "the
proper training and opportunity." The phrase was jarring because I didn't
fully understand its meaning ...until now. I could not see that the NFB was
simply saying that it did not have to be the debilitating death of my hopes
and dreams that much of society tries to impose. The NFB philosophy that I
can live the life I want is not incongruous with the grief at suddenly and
unexpectedly going blind; instead it compliments it. I know what it is to
beg, bargain, and plead for a so-called cure. I woke up every day for years
expecting to see. I had no blind role models who successfully lived the
lives they wanted. I could not picture being a blind high schooler, then a
blind college student, and finally a blind adult. I felt like I was waiting
for my real life to begin-and let me tell you that is agonizing and
exhausting!
Today the NFB is the beacon of hope that I craved. The NFB fights to protect
the interest of blind parents so that their children are not needlessly
removed from loving homes just because a well-meaning social worker cannot
understand how we safely provide for our children. The NFB fights for the
equal opportunity of guide dog users to use ride-sharing companies such as
Uber and Lyft without fear of being stranded. The NFB legislates for
continued accessibility on the internet and everyday home appliances. The
NFB has been fighting for my dreams long before I knew there would be a
fight.
Would I like to have my vision back? Yes! Though he was so cruel in his
delivery all those years ago, the prominent neurosurgeon was correct. There
is little in optic nerve research, so the potential for any vision
restoration is nil. My love and contributions to this world are not. The
National Federation of the Blind is the vehicle to my contributions, hopes,
and dreams. I have learned that what cripples me most is not always my
blindness but an inaccessible world that does not always understand me. This
is a measurable variable that can be improved, and that is what the NFB
strives to do. I am a Federationist.
Today, I am a Federationist because my Federation family understands my
sadness, anger, and frustrations of being blind. They listen to and
challenge in the way that only they can. I am a Federationist.
Just as no two sighted people are the same, no two blind people are the
same. I have learned that there are many who have never viewed blindness as
a tragedy. While I do understand where they are coming from, I think we are
falling short as a Federation family if we do not acknowledge that there are
also those like me who have come from a place of tragedy. The NFB philosophy
was never meant to imply that blindness is not traumatizing for some, but,
instead, it does not have to be our end. I am a Federationist.


Richard Payne,  President
National Federation of the Blind of Ohio
937/829/3368
Rchpay7 at gmail.com <mailto:Rchpay7 at gmail.com> 
The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
blindness is not what holds you back.


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