[Ohio-Talk] IS THERE SHAME? by Jan Kafton

[Suzanne Turner]

IS THERE SHAME?

 

by Jan Kafton

 

When a sensitive woman, who happens to be blind, meets repeated rejection in
her attempts to lead a normal, full life, what impact does it have on her?

What does she do? What should she do? Jan Kafton tells us. Here is what she
has to say.

 

There have been only a few events in my life which have had a tremendous
impact on me. The most recent of these events occurred in March of 1988.
This

experience resulted in marriage.

 

However, even more importantly, I was forced to re-evaluate my personal view
of my own blindness. The circumstances and my thought processes merit an
explanation.

 

For several months I had been using a dating service called Selective
Introductions. This service involves calling a pay phone number which
presents messages

from men in a chosen age group. Then one has the opportunity to record a
message, including the phone number.

 

There were quite a few men I had met who were indeed friendly, courteous,
and fun. Yet, there were a few of them who could not handle my blindness at
all.

In fact, one or two of them actually left after they had arrived and met me.

 

In most cases I did not mention my blindness over the phone when the initial
contact was made. Not one of the men had dated me more than twice, and my

discouragement mounted a great deal. On a Tuesday evening I received a call
from an extremely personable, friendly young man, and we talked for a few
minutes.

I discovered that his background was very similar to mine. We shared a lot
of common interests, including music, literature, and other recreational
activities.

Also, we are both musicians.

 

At any rate we decided to meet and have dinner together that same night.
Just before the end of the conversation I said to him that I thought he
should

know one more important item regarding me. I told him that I had a visual
problem. He then asked me what that meant. I said that I had no sight.

 

In every other instance I have always said that I was blind, without any
hesitation. What caused my unwillingness to say that I was blind? Lon's
response

to my statement brought me up short. He simply said, "So what?"

 

Yes, I did meet Lon that Tuesday night, and the rest is history. He has
continually confirmed what I already knew to be true for me, that my
blindness

has been reduced to a physical nuisance. He is entirely supportive of that
viewpoint and of my goal to be successful in life.

 

As blind people, we do face many problems. Yet, that is why there is a
National Federation of the Blind, which is always available for
encouragement and

collective action if necessary.

 

Many have led the way for our present progress and future first-class
citizenship as blind persons. I not only owe a great deal to each of them,
but I

do owe a lot to my husband, Lon Kafton. He allowed me to look at my
blindness and helped me to know there is indeed no shame in being blind. I
choose to

go on productively and proudly.