[Sportsandrec] Query about family vacations and blindness.

[Jessica Glasebrook]

This is going to sound really rough, but don't make others a 
priority if they're only going to make you an option.  I guess 
what I'm saying is, you do you.  If this vacation is stressful 
and your boyfriend's folks aren't feeling very accommodating, 
maybe this is the year you take a little me-time and go have your 
own vacation.  I'm sure your boyfriend is a lovely person, but 
his family needs a little reality check if they think you're just 
going to tag along for the ride and get nothing out of it.  
That's not a vacation.  That's more like work.
 ----- Original Message -----
From: Kendra Schaber via SportsandRec <sportsandrec at nfbnet.org
To: Sports and Recreation for the Blind Discussion 
List<sportsandrec at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 27 Jun 2018 16:15:22 -0700
Subject: [Sportsandrec] Query about family vacations and 
blindness.

Hi all!
I have a query that both my sited boy friend and I are compleetly 
lost on how to solve.  Most years, we go to the Oregon coast with 
my boy friend's family for Independent's Day week.  I have gone 
on this trip 3 times since we met in 2011.  I enjoy the nice 
resourt where we visit, the nice ocean beaches and the little 
rock bowl where my boy friend and I have collected unique rocks 
with almost each visit.  However, dispite these and the awesome 
firework show, there is a problem laying under the surfice.  The 
location is not anywhere near a bus line, getting from the 
resourt to the beach has tricky tarain to navigate and where ever 
I rome while on vacation, I have to have sited assistence to get 
there.  I'm the only blind person out of the whole group of sited 
people.  Whenever it is not a meal, it's every man for himself or 
herself.  Everyone except me can go anywhere we please without 
assistence most of the time, the big exception is the rock bowl.  
With this setting, the only dependent things that's expected to 
be dependent are children and pets.  To add insalt to enjury, I 
have also had the problem with not having cell service during 
these vacations which majorly cramped my style of being able to 
text or call to everyone else during the trip myself so if I 
wanted or needed to get that done, I also had to ask my boy 
friend to also play messenger.  I'm glad that I changed carriers 
since last year but I don't know if it will improve my cell 
service itself for the next time I go on this kind of vacation.  
Meanwhile, cell service or the lack of it is the least of my 
worries with this query because I have bigger problems to solve.  
Most unfortunently, this senario leaves me stuck between a rock 
and a hard place because my boy friend and I have very different 
needs while we are there.  My boy friend is a landscaper who is 
experiencing endless job burn out at the office and because of 
this, the coast relaxis him so much that he can't easily function 
throughout the whole vacation.  Meanwhile, I'd like to go out and 
explore, go on to the beach, collect rocks and spend time with 
everyone there.  Mind you, my boy friend enjoys collecting rocks 
himself and it's his very favorite activity that he does while 
there.  Unfortunently, my boy friend did admit to me last year 
that because of his burn out, he finds it very diffacolt to 
fofill my needs during these vacations.  In fact, my boy friend 
feels most responsable for this task.  On top of that, he also 
says that he doesn't expect that same responsability from 
everyone else there to assist him in helping myself while he is 
trying to get the sleep that he needs to make up from his 
igzosting days at the office during the vacation.  He expects me 
to hold up to that same standard that I listed above regarding 
the burden of responsability.  As though he's suposed to take my 
needs on or he be the only one apart from myself to take my needs 
on during the vacation.  Mind you, he also wants me to be as 
independent as possable while I'm there.  Mind you, this standard 
is out of good ethics, not out of control.  However, we are 
having trouble with meeting this whenever we have gone on these 
vacations.  As though that isn't enough of a sacrafice without 
everyone else in the picture, I also land everyone else a major 
sacrafice in assisting myself, rather as though I've been more of 
a burden than just a fellow vacationer who happens to be blind.  
My boy friend and I have thrown our arms up in the air in 
serender endlessly with trying to find more balance during this 
annual occation.  I'll give him credit where it's due that he's 
pointed out to me that because of my lack of knowledge, I'm 
putting as much of a sacrafice if not more on to everyone else 
there including my boy friend himself as the trip itself is 
putting on to myself just by my attendence.  Because of these 
issues that I layed out, I have enjoyed some aspects of the 
vacations but have come home feeling as though I was not a 
productive part of the vacation even when I at least try to be 
productive in trying to solve the problem of our different needs.  
I often felt as though I was the cause of any and all trouble 
that has ever occured during the vacations that I was lucky or 
unlucky enough to be there.  Mind you, I felt this even if it 
wasn't at all my falt.  But most importantly, I feel like I'm the 
sole burden, not the fellow vacationer, the one that causes all 
of the sacrafices either to myself or to others while I'm there.  
I also feel very powerless while I'm there, as though I'm on the 
wim of the whole universe.  My boy friend did suggest that I help 
out during the next time we go on this trip.  Really, it's about 
being as fair as possable.  Unfortunently, I didn't grow up going 
on vacations where every man is for himself.  Everyone, 
inperfections and all has always included me into a lot of the 
activities during those vacations.  I have always had to play a 
very clear part on a team.  I have had to do that at the Oregon 
School for the Blind, girl scouts and family vacations that I had 
growing up with my birth family.  Since I don't get to go on 
vacations with my birth family any more except for camping trips 
where I launch rockets, I now have to learn a whole new vacation 
calture if you will.  I'd like a lot of wise advice here.  The 
lack of it is driving both my boy friend and I insane! This area 
is also the biggest headache in our whole entire relationship.  
My boy friend suggested that I help either with meal preparation 
and/or clean up but neither of us can think of other ways for me 
to assist while I'm there.  My boy friend did say that there are 
surprising ways where I could help out but even he couldn't come 
up with what those things are.
How can I as a blind adult take this kind of vacation on and be 
as independent as possable?
How can I do this while being as fair to the whole group as 
possable?
How can I drive my life while on a vacation where every man is 
for himself in the same way or equal to when I'm at home where 
the busses are located?
How can I get past any sighted person stariotype that might be 
thrown at me during this kind of vacation?
How can I make the most of this kind of vacation while having to 
depend on others to assist me?
How can I do this in the most ethical, fairest way to everyone 
there as possable?
Does this all come down to communication?
If I offer to assist and how to assist but get turned down, then 
how else can I make these vacations fair to both myself and 
everyone else there?
Is there truely a fair way to go about this whole thing?
When nothing is offered, how can I get my needs met in the 
fairest way possable while allowing my boy friend to do whatever 
he needs to do like for example, how can I go to the beach with 
others who are already going while my boy friend is taking a nap 
because he doesn't want to go because he's igzosted from job 
burnout?
How on earth can I even get around this barrier without causing a 
lot of unwanted trouble to myself, my boy friend or others?
Is it even possable for my boy friend and I to meet our needs on 
this kind of vacation and come home from it with both of us 
feeling as though it was the vacation that it's suposed to be?
Is it even remotely possable for both of us to be truely happy 
with this kind of vacation in the first place?
Is this even the right kind of vacation for both my boy friend 
and I to be taking on?
If so, how do we take this adversity on?
If not, then how can we go about it next time when we do have to 
take this kind of vacation on?
I suspect that there is something major that is missing on these 
vacations.  Can you please let me know, what do you think is 
missing with this scene?
We are totally lost in outer space on this one.  I'd greatly 
appriciate any and all advice on this matter!
Thank you for your wise counsel in advance!!!



Thank you for taking the time to read this E Mail!
Blessed be!!!
Kendra Schaber,
 Chemeketa Community College,
 350 Org,
Citizen’s Climate Lobby,
National Federation of the Blind of Oregon,
Capitol Chapter,
Salem, Oregon.
 Home email:
Redwing731 at gmail.com
 Chemeketa Community College Email:
 Kschaber at my.Chemeketa.edu
Phone:
971-599-9991
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" Author 
Unknown.
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