[stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

[Angela fowler]

It has improved quite a bit from the first draft. I think it flows freer,
and there is more clarity as to what the characters are doing.  

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of helene ryles
Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 5:01 PM
To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

What did you think of the story though? Does it interest you into reading
any more? Has it improved at all from the first draft? Please let me know.

Helene.

On 27/10/2008, Judith Bron <jbron at optonline.net> wrote:
> Helene, You are right if you want to leave your story on the computer.
> Editors and publishers are not forgiving of bad grammer or bad spelling.
> Yes, you have to perfect your story, but before your manuscript leaves  
> your computer both the spelling and grammer have to be perfect.  I 
> found this out the hard way.  Then I went to work.  Judith
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "helene ryles" <dreamavdb at googlemail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 7:22 PM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
>
> Thanks for everyone's comments. I don't mind people commenting or 
> correcting my grammar but I would also like some feed back on what you 
> actually think of the work as well.
>
> The grammar isn't intentional. Or for affect. It's just because 
> neither my spelling or my grammar is perfect. While I have a spell 
> check to help me with the spelling, the computer doesn't correct 
> grammatical errors quite so well.
>
> One thought though. At the moment work is not on it's final draft and 
> may be altered if need be. It might be a good idea if general quality 
> was discussed first. When I've reached my final draft grammar can be 
> gone over again. Otherwise you might have to end up having to keep 
> correcting grammar.
>
> While it's good to have good grammar in one's work it shouldn't be the 
> main thing. Originality and getting the readers attention is more 
> important. That's what I need to know right now. But thanks for 
> reading my work anyway.
>
> Helene
>
> On 27/10/2008, James Canaday M.A.  N6YR <n6yr at sunflower.com> wrote:
>> not always.  sometimes redundancies serve to emphasize, or are 
>> necessary for flow in a particular passage.
>> jc
>>
>> Jim Canaday M.A.
>> Lawrence, KS
>>
>> At 01:00 PM 10/27/2008, you wrote:
>>>Our language has lots of redundancies.   Good writers will spot and
>>> eliminate
>>>them.
>>>Lori
>>>In a message dated 10/26/08 11:29:14 PM, f.wurtzel at comcast.net writes:
>>>
>>>
>>> > Hi Jim,
>>> >
>>> > I agree it is common and, in my opinion, redundant.  Many people 
>>> > also say "refer back" or "remand back" which are
>>> clearly bad usage by virtue of their
>>> > redundancy.  I feel "exact same" falls into the same category.
>>> >
>>> > Warm Regards,
>>> >
>>> > Fred
>>> >
>>> >
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>**************
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>>>dir=
>>>http://www.games.com?ncid=emlcntusgame00000001)
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