[stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.

[helene ryles]

Thanks for getting back to me about it and I'm glad that it has
successfully improved.

The sample I gave you was the beginning of Chapter 3. I gave that as a
sample as it is where my blind character Hari is first introduced.

I will probably try finish the book now. Then edit but it was only
after submitting it for critism, and then rereading it that It accured
to me that if a favorite slayer was injured Venom would hardly be
making his leisurely way down to the hospital. He'd want to go their a
little more quickly. Even on the 2nd draft I noticed a need for
further explantations.

Anyway thanks very much for everyones help.

Helene.



On 28/10/2008, Angela fowler <fowlers at syix.com> wrote:
> Fred, in reference to the phrase "exactly the same" or "the exact same" you
> are correct about the denotation. It is, by definition, redundant since "the
> same" means "alike in every way" or "exactly alike." Where I differ with you
> is on the connotation, which is the way in which a phrase is interpreted by
> most readers. Unfortunately, and this is probably the part that irritates
> you, the phrase "the same" has acquired a looser meaning than its denotation
> would suggest. These days "the same" only means very similar whereas "the
> exact same" means there is no difference.
>
> I suppose I will differ with a lot of you on this, since many of you are
> fiction writers whereas I'm more an editorial writer I suppose you would
> call it, but the main purpose of writing is to effectively communicate. This
> means using phrases which, while perhaps not precisely correct, communicate
> exactly the message you are trying to convey.
>
> I'm not saying we should tolerate butchering of the language, nor would I
> sacrifice my own standards or suggest that anyone else sacrifice theirs. All
> I am saying is, as long as we are communicating effectively and with
> eloquence, let's not split hairs over particulars.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Fred Wurtzel
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 6:13 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> Hello,
>
> Redundancies are rarely acceptable.  Use of modifying  words is acceptable.
> I guess each writer will decide how to work with rules of grammar.  It is my
> suspicion that the editors who pay writers have their standards, also.
>
> Warmest Regards,
>
> Fred
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of James Canaday M.A. N6YR
> Sent: Monday, October 27, 2008 6:22 PM
> To: NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] sample of work rewritten. 3rd attempt.
>
> not always.  sometimes redundancies serve to emphasize, or are necessary for
> flow in a particular passage.
> jc
>
> Jim Canaday M.A.
> Lawrence, KS
>
> At 01:00 PM 10/27/2008, you wrote:
>>Our language has lots of redundancies.   Good writers will spot and
> eliminate
>>them.
>>Lori
>>In a message dated 10/26/08 11:29:14 PM, f.wurtzel at comcast.net writes:
>>
>>
>> > Hi Jim,
>> >
>> > I agree it is common and, in my opinion, redundant.  Many people
>> > also
> say
>> > "refer back" or "remand back" which are
>> clearly bad usage by virtue of their
>> > redundancy.  I feel "exact same" falls into the same category.
>> >
>> > Warm Regards,
>> >
>> > Fred
>> >
>> >
>>
>>
>>
>>
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