[stylist] need feedback

[Judith Bron]

Have fun at the convention!  I'll look forward to hearing from you next 
week.  Judith
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR" <n6yr at sunflower.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 6:02 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] need feedback


> Judith,
> I'm not ignoring reading your story and I have the updated chapter 2 in 
> front of me.
> tomorrow is the first day of our kansas state convention and I have a lot 
> in my hands to do.  so it'll be next week when I can look at it.
>
> I'll be helping on mic for the live stream if you're curious.
> www.nfbks.org
> live stream is accessible there.  our own peter O'donahue will be doing 
> it, so I get to meet him for the first time at the convention.
> jc
>
> Jim Canaday M.A.
> Lawrence, KS
>
> At 04:07 PM 11/5/2009, you wrote:
>>Thanks!  In the manuscript there is a blank line between Jennifer's story 
>>and the other characters.  I keep Pessi's and Chavy's story together. 
>>When you read it you see the difference by the person who begins talking 
>>at the beginning of the dialogue.  When it is just two girls having the 
>>dialogue, they are identified and the first one who starts speaking begins 
>>the paragraph.
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 3:18 PM
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] need feedback
>>
>>
>>>I think you're doing a fabulous job.  The sweetness of these girls brings 
>>>tears to my eyes.
>>>Since I listen to the story, is there a visual way that you separate when 
>>>you are changing characters?  If not, you might want to.  I had to 
>>>scramble every time there was a change.
>>>I love the story.  If you've not finished it, do so.
>>>
>>>Another thing I'm wondering is how long will it be before the characters 
>>>meet?  Since you frequently changed from Pessi to Jennifer, I'm guessing 
>>>it's soon?  The frequency of change makes me anticipate something 
>>>happening. Or is this the cruel means by which you keep the reader 
>>>interested?  In "cruel" I am being funny.
>>>Barbara
>>>
>>>The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0!  Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!
>>>
>>>--------------------------------------------------
>>>From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
>>>Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 1:48 PM
>>>To: "NFBnet Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>>Subject: [stylist] need feedback
>>>
>>>>Here is chapter three.  Many of you have been kind enough to read 
>>>>chapters 1 and 2.  Since most publishers and agents request the first 
>>>>three chapters of your book, I have to know if this chapter, combined 
>>>>with the other two, gets the reader more interested and leaves them with 
>>>>questions about what is coming.  The novel is very long.  I don' think 
>>>>I'll be sending more chapters.  Thanks!  Judith
>>>>CHAPTER THREE
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Sunday morning Dr. Green began his rounds with Jennifer.  "Hello, 
>>>>Jennifer.  How do you feel?"
>>>>
>>>>"A bit weak and sore."
>>>>
>>>>"I want to walk with you to the nurse's station.  Are you up for it?"
>>>>
>>>>"I'll try."
>>>>
>>>>The doctor disconnected the oxygen.  "We'll dispense with the oxygen 
>>>>today."
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer reached for the robe Sheila's husband Ted brought her the 
>>>>previous night.  Sliding carefully off the bed she felt an unfamiliar 
>>>>stiffness in her knee, but remembered she had suffered a now bandaged 
>>>>wound in the accident.  Ignoring the discomfort she started slowly 
>>>>towards the nurse's station.  By the time she got there traveling had 
>>>>become easier.
>>>>
>>>>"You're looking good, Jennifer.  I want to run a few tests tomorrow. 
>>>>I'm not restricting your diet.   I anticipate you feeling better soon."
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer slowly returned to bed.  A few minutes later a nurse entered 
>>>>the room to help her take a shower.  The warm water felt so good.  After 
>>>>the shower she slipped into her nightgown before glancing into the 
>>>>bathroom mirror.  Yikes!  She looked horrible!  She couldn't go back to 
>>>>school like this.  She wouldn't give her classmates more humor on her 
>>>>behalf.
>>>>
>>>>When she returned to bed the phone rang.
>>>>
>>>>"Hi, Jennifer.  It's Randy."
>>>>
>>>>"Good morning, Randy.  I just took a shower, and looked at myself in the 
>>>>mirror.  Why didn't you tell me I look like Frankenstein's twin sister?"
>>>>
>>>>Randy laughed.  "Jennifer, you were in an accident.  In a few days 
>>>>you'll be your gorgeous self.  I'm about to leave for the hospital.  Can 
>>>>I bring you anything?"
>>>>
>>>>"No thanks, Randy.  See you soon."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Pessi arrived at her all girls' school that morning to the sound of the 
>>>>ringing late bell.  The girls immediately noticed the stark contrast 
>>>>between last week's ragamuffin, and the girl who entered the classroom. 
>>>>With head held high, Pessi smiled at Chavy.
>>>>
>>>>The day started as usual with the Morning Prayer service.  Afterwards, 
>>>>Mrs. Rosenstein announced that Hanukkah was coming.  "Girls, this year 
>>>>the eleventh grade classes have been given the assignment of hosting a 
>>>>party for the entire high school.  This class has charge of food.  The 
>>>>other eleventh grade is in charge of donations, entertainment, and 
>>>>games. I'm giving out the jobs.    Who wants to volunteer to set up?" 
>>>>She took down the names of the volunteers.
>>>>
>>>>She continued, "The school cook will prepare the traditional Hanukkah 
>>>>potato latkes, pancakes, but I need girls to make cakes, cookies, and 
>>>>arrange fruit platters."
>>>>
>>>>To the shock of the girls Pessi raised her hand first.  "Mrs. 
>>>>Rosenstein, I can make a frosted cake."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi never did anything with them.  What happened between last week and 
>>>>today that made such changes in this loner?
>>>>
>>>>Pessi couldn't believe her actions either.  Why did she volunteer so 
>>>>readily?  What would happen if the cake flopped?  She knew how to bake a 
>>>>cake, but what would happen if the girls hated it?  She hoped her 
>>>>mistrust in herself didn't show in her expression.
>>>>
>>>>Chavy was the next to raise her hand.  "I'm selfishly volunteering to 
>>>>prepare a fruit platter so I have something to eat.  I'll also bring a 
>>>>few bottles of diet soda."
>>>>
>>>>Amidst the laughter Mrs. Rosenstein replied, "Thank you, Chavy.  I'm 
>>>>sure your efforts will be appreciated by more girls than you."
>>>>
>>>>When the recess bell rang they pulled snacks from their backpacks before 
>>>>wandering into the hall.  After saying her Psalms Pessi sought out 
>>>>Chavy. She found her speaking to Shayna.  "Good morning, Chavy.  Thanks 
>>>>for everything yesterday."
>>>>
>>>>Chavy flashed a broad smile.  "No problem, Pessi.  I'm sure you know 
>>>>Shayna."
>>>>
>>>>"Pessi, your haircut is phenomenal!  Who cut it?"  Shayna's reaction to 
>>>>the haircut embarrassed Pessi.
>>>>
>>>>Chavy answered, "Her hairdresser has golden hands.  I love it!"
>>>>
>>>>"You look super."
>>>>
>>>>Chavy needed to see Toby from Chesed to set up the help for Pessi.  She 
>>>>found her with classmates.  "Good morning, Toby.  I have to speak to you 
>>>>about Chesed.  Let's grab a private corner."
>>>>
>>>>In an empty classroom Chavy began, "A serious situation has come up. 
>>>>There's a girl in our school who's poverty stricken with a mother dying 
>>>>from cancer.  Their house is a rundown converted summer home, and all 
>>>>the work has fallen on her shoulders.  The problem is this isn't a 
>>>>project for everyone.  She'll only accept Chesed if the situation is 
>>>>held in confidence.  For this reason I want to restrict it to the two of 
>>>>us.  The girl is Pessi Goldberg.  Rabbi Goldberg is her father, but 
>>>>that's also a secret.  She doesn't want anyone pretending to like her 
>>>>because she has a well-known father.  I want to go there four days a 
>>>>week starting tomorrow. Are you in?"
>>>>
>>>>Toby thought about the request.  According to the guidelines of Chesed 
>>>>no one got help from the community service group more than once a week. 
>>>>Obviously this was a special situation.  "If it wasn't serious you 
>>>>wouldn't be telling me this, and insisting on Chesed four days a week. 
>>>>I'm in.  We'll take the bus with Pessi tomorrow. By the way, I saw her 
>>>>today.   She's stunning!  Who did her hair?"
>>>>
>>>>"Her hairdresser has golden hands.  Thanks a lot, Toby.  See you later." 
>>>>Chavy started happily down the hall toward her next class excited things 
>>>>were working out for Pessi.
>>>>
>>>>When the Goldberg boys came from Yeshiva at lunchtime Mrs. Goldberg told 
>>>>them she wanted the curtain rods in the basement hung up.  The boys did 
>>>>this wondering what would hang on these things.  They never thought the 
>>>>pile of cloth on the table could be anything but cleaning rags.
>>>>
>>>>Their mother coordinated the first decorating job in years from her sofa 
>>>>by beginning, "I want those sheer curtains with white embroidery hung up 
>>>>in this room.  Take the floral print ones to the kitchen and dinette. 
>>>>The pink curtains will fit perfectly in the girls' room.  You can put 
>>>>the blue ones in your room. The striped curtains will match my room and 
>>>>Tatty's office.  On the table are picture hooks.  Please hang this 
>>>>picture of a library over the couch, and the one of a flower garden on 
>>>>the wall common with the staircase."
>>>>
>>>>She glanced around the small room noting the big difference these lovely 
>>>>things made.  This room almost looked nice!  Shayna remembered how 
>>>>lavish the house they had to leave had been.  This place would never 
>>>>mirror that one, but at least now it had an air of elegance.
>>>>
>>>>Yitzie and Avi remembered their mother in better days.  They recalled 
>>>>her visiting the sick the way ladies visited her now.  When she attended 
>>>>social events with their father she had to be the loveliest woman in the 
>>>>world.  They fondly remembered her helping them with their homework, and 
>>>>giving them an encouraging hug and kiss when things got rough.  Now they 
>>>>knew what was happening and dreaded it, but today she was involved with 
>>>>something that put smiles on their faces.  Could this small event be the 
>>>>start of better days?
>>>>
>>>>When the Rabbi entered the house after the boys left for school he saw 
>>>>the curtains and newly hung pictures.  "It looks so nice, Shayna.  Who 
>>>>directed this whole thing?"
>>>>
>>>>"I did, dear.  It's nice to know I haven't lost my touch."  The Rabbi 
>>>>was thrilled to see her beautiful smile again.
>>>>
>>>>After being driven home by Rabbi Levy, Pessi's shock was visible as her 
>>>>eyes scanned the dining room and dinette.  This place almost felt 
>>>>normal! "It looks so nice, Mommy.  Did you tell the boys where to put 
>>>>everything?"
>>>>
>>>>"Yes, dear.  It's not the old house, but I think it looks better than I 
>>>>ever remember."
>>>>
>>>>"I agree.  Even the walls don't seem so drab.  You did an outstanding 
>>>>job."  She ran up the stairs before her mother could ask her questions 
>>>>about the girls at school.
>>>>
>>>>That afternoon Chavy stopped at a variety store in the neighborhood to 
>>>>pick up a picture frame with a mat cut to accommodate lots of 
>>>>photographs. This would be perfect for Pessi's family pictures.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer went through the medical tests on Monday morning.  Monday 
>>>>afternoon Dr. Green appeared at her door again.  "Hi, Jennifer.  How's 
>>>>everything?"
>>>>
>>>>"I'm feeling much better.  How did the tests turn out?"
>>>>
>>>>Dr. Green took the chair beside her bed.  "The test results were good. 
>>>>They showed you have a slight problem with your heart.  This is not a 
>>>>big deal.  I'm giving you medication you'll take once a day.  I want to 
>>>>see you back here in a month when we'll repeat the test."
>>>>
>>>>"What's wrong with my heart?"
>>>>
>>>>"There seems to be some irregularity with your heartbeat.  I've read 
>>>>your medical records from your family doctor, and you never had this 
>>>>problem before.
>>>>
>>>>I just want to make sure it isn't cause for future concern."
>>>>
>>>>"I'm a cheerleader.  Can I still do that?"
>>>>
>>>>"I would prefer if you hold off until after your next appointment."
>>>>
>>>>"Our last football game is Saturday.  Can I stand on the sidelines 
>>>>screaming cheers?"
>>>>
>>>>Dr. Green smiled.  "Let me think about it.  Hopefully you can go home on 
>>>>Wednesday."
>>>>
>>>>"Thank you, doctor."
>>>>
>>>>Before the doctor left the room Jennifer reached for one of the books on 
>>>>her table.  "Are you reading that play for school?"
>>>>
>>>>"No.  This is my own reading."
>>>>
>>>>"You like Shakespeare?"
>>>>
>>>>"Sure.  He's exciting."
>>>>
>>>>The doctor nodded.  His thoughts about Jennifer not suffering brain 
>>>>damage from the accident were almost confirmed.  "Enjoy your reading, 
>>>>Jennifer."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>After school on Monday Chavy and Toby took the bus with Pessi.  Pessi 
>>>>never took this bus before.  She always ran home thinking it would take 
>>>>too long with all the stops the bus had to make.
>>>>
>>>>Toby was pleasantly surprised to find Pessi a fun girl.  She talked with 
>>>>them about current events, different classes, and the upcoming Hanukkah 
>>>>party.
>>>>
>>>>Outside the Goldberg house Pessi started apologizing for the rundown 
>>>>dwelling.  Toby smiled.  "Don't be ridiculous, Pessi.  None of us lives 
>>>>in a palace."
>>>>
>>>>Inside Chavy immediately headed for Mrs. Goldberg's sofa.  "Hi, Mrs. 
>>>>Goldberg.  It's so nice to see you again."
>>>>
>>>>"It's good to see you also.  Pessi's hair is gorgeous.  Thank you."
>>>>
>>>>Toby wondered, "When did Chavy become a hairdresser?"
>>>>
>>>>Chavy continued, "Mrs. Goldberg, this is my friend Toby Teitelbaum. 
>>>>She's going to be coming here with me to help Pessi."
>>>>
>>>>Mrs. Goldberg's smile could have lit up the house.  "It's a pleasure to 
>>>>meet you, Toby.  Your mother is one of the special ladies who visit me 
>>>>every week.  I feel terrible that the responsibility for everything has 
>>>>fallen on Pessi's shoulders.  She needs more time to be a teenager. 
>>>>Thank you so much for helping."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi blushed.  Why did her mother insist on embarrassing her?  "Mommy, 
>>>>stop making me sound like something I'm not.  Everything I'm doing I do 
>>>>because I love you.  Stop feeling guilty!"
>>>>
>>>>Chavy was shocked at Pessi's outburst. She took charge, handed Pessi the 
>>>>picture frame, and told her to fit family photographs into it.  Pessi 
>>>>thanked her.  She gazed at the frame trying to imagine it with their old 
>>>>family pictures from better times placed in the mat.  She would begin 
>>>>working on it later.  Perhaps her mother would enjoy creating the 
>>>>collage.
>>>>
>>>>Chavy announced, "I'll do the kitchen with Pessi.  Toby, can you vacuum 
>>>>the rugs in the dining room and bedrooms?"
>>>>
>>>>"No problem."
>>>>
>>>>Alone with Pessi Chavy said, "I figure I can clean while you make 
>>>>dinner. How about it?"
>>>>
>>>>"I just want to throw a load in the washer.  Be right up."
>>>>
>>>>By the time Rabbi Levy beeped his horn the Goldberg house was starting 
>>>>to shine.
>>>>
>>>>After they dropped Toby off Chavy said, "Tatty, I have to pick something 
>>>>up for school in the grocery store.  Can we stop there?"
>>>>
>>>>The Rabbi nodded.  Chavy ran into the store and returned a few minutes 
>>>>later carrying a small bag.
>>>>
>>>>Seeing the tiny parcel her father asked, "What did you have to get?"
>>>>
>>>>"I noticed the silver in the Goldberg china cabinet is tarnished so I 
>>>>bought polish to spruce it up.  Toby and I are going there Mondays 
>>>>through Thursday.  This should take some of the pressure off Pessi."
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer's CAT scan Tuesday morning revealed there was indeed no brain 
>>>>damage.  The doctor reiterated he wanted her to remain in the hospital 
>>>>until the following morning for observation.  Sheila was busy with the 
>>>>kids, Randy had school, her roommate Cindy called her a few times, and 
>>>>none of her classmates were going to go out of their way to go to the 
>>>>hospital.    So Jennifer was alone with Shakespeare, text books, and 
>>>>thoughts.  She knew if her mother allowed her to stay she would be dead. 
>>>>But besides Sheila and Randy, who would care?  Jennifer knew she would 
>>>>be happier in a place where she didn't have to worry about love, bigoted 
>>>>remarks and loneliness.  Yes, being dead would be a lot better than the 
>>>>life she had to live.  She reached for Shakespeare again.
>>>>
>>>>She could hardly wait to get home and back to her sewing machine.  But 
>>>>she derived enjoyment from her craft, not happiness.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Before dinner Pessi approached her mother.  "Mommy, I volunteered to 
>>>>bake a cake for the school Hanukkah party.  Is that all right?"
>>>>
>>>>"I'm thrilled that you are taking part in the party.  Before you start 
>>>>bring me my cook books so we can pick out a delicious recipe."
>>>>
>>>>"Do you want a tray here or should I help you to the table?"
>>>>
>>>>"I'm not hungry now. Perhaps later I'll eat something.  Now go and enjoy 
>>>>your dinner."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi knew that "later" would never come.  This was a nice way of 
>>>>refusing to eat for the second day in a row.  Each morning Pessi put out 
>>>>a breakfast tray for her mother, but when she got home she found most of 
>>>>the food in the garbage.  Her father served her lunch, but often 
>>>>admitted very little was gone from the lunch tray also.  With her 
>>>>serious illness could she survive by eating nothing?  Pessi turned her 
>>>>attention back to serving dinner, but these worries lingered.
>>>>
>>>>The next morning Pessi came in to the sound of the ringing late bell as 
>>>>usual.  This uncommon entrance was still a mystery to her classmates. 
>>>>For whatever reason her new friendship with Chavy Levy validated her 
>>>>strange behavior.  The girls assumed Chavy knew the reasons, but had 
>>>>been asked not to tell anyone.
>>>>
>>>>Every morning Pessi showered and dressed before  preparing breakfast for 
>>>>the younger kids.  That done, she hurried to her mother's room, assisted 
>>>>her in getting out of bed, washed, dressed and ready for the day.  She 
>>>>served her coffee and breakfast.  After this routine she quickly ate her 
>>>>own breakfast and ran to school as soon as her father returned from 
>>>>morning services.
>>>>
>>>>The community made arrangements for at least two ladies to visit Mrs. 
>>>>Goldberg each day.  Bassie Levy's visiting partner was busy on this 
>>>>Tuesday so she stopped at the bakery to pick up some pastries and juice 
>>>>before going to visit her friend.   Upon entering the house she 
>>>>immediately saw the improvements in the room.  "Shayna, this place is 
>>>>looking so nice."
>>>>
>>>>"Thank you, Bassie.  I appreciate you giving the curtains and pictures 
>>>>to Pessi."
>>>>
>>>>"My pleasure.  How do you feel?"
>>>>
>>>>"My husband just increased my pain medication.  It's getting more 
>>>>difficult to cope with, but a big part of the pain is gone.  Bassie, 
>>>>have you any idea how much of a difference your daughter has made in our 
>>>>lives?"
>>>>
>>>>Bassie felt herself blush.  "I just know Chavy is very impressed with 
>>>>Pessi and your family.  I know she comes here every afternoon, but after 
>>>>dinner she's on the phone with your daughter while doing her homework. 
>>>>Shayna, your daughter is an absolute beauty.  When I saw her after the 
>>>>haircut the other night I could see instantly that she's a duplicate of 
>>>>her mother.  With Pessi as her friend my daughter seems happier, does 
>>>>her homework more willingly leaving her less time to harass her brother. 
>>>>Shayna, I should be the one thanking you."  The two ladies laughed, and 
>>>>Bassie carried in the tray with Shayna's snack.
>>>>
>>>>The gaunt woman with the sunken cheeks and sallow complexion smiled at 
>>>>her friend.  The only things about Shayna Bassie recognized from before 
>>>>were her winning smile and pretty, albeit frail, voice.  "Thank you, 
>>>>Bassie. This looks so good."
>>>>
>>>>"Then don't spend time admiring it, but start eating it."
>>>>
>>>>"I'm not hungry right now.  Perhaps later I'll have a better appetite." 
>>>>Both of them understood this answer to be nothing more than a polite 
>>>>excuse.
>>>>
>>>>"Shayna, I feel so bad.  I mentioned my daughter a lot over the past few 
>>>>months when there were other ladies here, but you never mentioned Pessi. 
>>>>Why didn't you talk about your daughter?"
>>>>
>>>>"Pessi felt self conscious about our poverty and my illness. She figured 
>>>>if anyone knew about her family they would befriend her out of pity, and 
>>>>not for herself.  My daughter didn't want anyone knowing who her father 
>>>>is.  She didn't need anyone pretending to like her because she has a 
>>>>well-known father.  With Chavy's friendship and help my daughter is 
>>>>happier than I've seen her in ages."
>>>>
>>>>The billowing silence hung heavily over the room before Shayna 
>>>>continued. "All of us know what the doctor meant when he decided to end 
>>>>my treatments.  I know I won't be here to see my daughter graduate, but 
>>>>seeing her these past few days has made me feel like I have more energy, 
>>>>and a greater ability to smile.  Ever since I got sick Pessi has 
>>>>withdrawn from the world of other girls, and devoted herself exclusively 
>>>>to me and the family.  Bassie, if I have to leave this world tomorrow at 
>>>>least I'll go knowing my daughter has a bright future in front of her."
>>>>
>>>>She reached for a tissue trying to hide the tears, but Bassie's tears 
>>>>ran down her cheeks.
>>>>
>>>>Bassie put an arm around Shayna.  "Shayna, we can never give up.  Pessi 
>>>>is doing well, but we can't stop concentrating on making you better. 
>>>>All of us are praying for your recovery every chance we get."  Shayna 
>>>>started nibbling on a pastry.
>>>>
>>>>Bassie stayed a few minutes longer before kissing Shayna good by.  She 
>>>>hoped and prayed her friend would recover, but had an awful feeling that 
>>>>she wouldn't.
>>>>
>>>>Miriam and Ruthie noticed Chavy and Toby taking the bus with Pessi for 
>>>>the second day in a row.  Miriam had to give her conjecture as to why 
>>>>the most popular girl in the school, and the head of Chesed were doing 
>>>>this. "Ruthie, the only reason I can come up with is that Pessi lives in 
>>>>a real dump so Toby and Chavy are going there to make it more livable. 
>>>>The problem is it's against school rules to have Chesed go to the same 
>>>>house more than once a week.  Is her family using Chesed as cleaning 
>>>>ladies?"
>>>>
>>>>They boarded their bus convinced Pessi's family was using Chesed in a 
>>>>way that was against the rules.
>>>>
>>>>When Chavy and Toby arrived at the Goldbergs after school Chavy glanced 
>>>>at the china cabinet with the tarnished silver.  "Toby, want to wash 
>>>>what I polish?"
>>>>
>>>>"Sure."
>>>>
>>>>Watching from her sofa Mrs. Goldberg smiled thinking that her house 
>>>>could once again look decent.  She couldn't believe what these girls 
>>>>were doing for her daughter and family.  Once done with the silver they 
>>>>washed all the decorative pieces that adorned the cabinet.  Chavy and 
>>>>Toby stepped back to admire their work.
>>>>
>>>>When Pessi came up carrying the last load of laundry she heard her 
>>>>mother say, "That china closet looks fantastic!  I almost forgot how 
>>>>nice our things could look."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi saw the pretty cabinet with the newly cleaned and polished items. 
>>>>"Thank you so much.  You did a fabulous job.  For once I'm caught up 
>>>>with laundry before Friday."
>>>>
>>>>The completed Goldberg family composite Pessi and her mother put 
>>>>together the previous night caught Chavy's eye.  "That family collage is 
>>>>wonderful. Those pictures of you as a little kid are adorable."
>>>>
>>>>"Thanks, Chavy.  My mother loves it.  It brings back beautiful 
>>>>memories." Pessi noticed a picture of her mother years ago with her two 
>>>>older brothers.  The elegant woman, so straight and tall with a face 
>>>>that looked like Pessi's, didn't begin to resemble the woman she now 
>>>>called Mommy. The memories were great, but also sad.  It hurt to realize 
>>>>this woman had disappeared.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Dr. Green discharged Jennifer on Wednesday morning.  "Don't forget to 
>>>>make an appointment in a month.  Also, if you start feeling anything out 
>>>>of the ordinary I want to be called immediately.  I mean that, Jennifer, 
>>>>immediately.   For now go home, relax, and don't go back to school until 
>>>>Monday at the earliest.  I remember you mentioning the football game. 
>>>>You can go if you stand on the sidelines.  No gymnastics, dancing or 
>>>>anything else that is strenuous.  I'll see you next month."  Jennifer 
>>>>happily left the hospital with Sheila.
>>>>
>>>>On Friday the older girls didn't have school because they went on 
>>>>Sunday. Mrs. Goldberg told Pessi, "If I sit in a chair I can peel the 
>>>>potatoes for you.  If you give me the soup vegetables I can make the 
>>>>soup so all you have to do is fill the pot with water.  Let me sit with 
>>>>a garbage can, peeler, knife, and you do the cooking."
>>>>
>>>>"Mommy, I don't want you using the strength."
>>>>
>>>>"Its no big deal, but very odd.  They gave up my chemo because they 
>>>>claimed there's no hope for me, but I'm starting to feel stronger. 
>>>>Whatever the case, as long as I have the energy I'll use it.  Now help 
>>>>me to the kitchen chair."  Pessi brought her mother to the dinette, and 
>>>>Mrs. Goldberg prepared all the vegetables for Shabbos.  It amazed Pessi 
>>>>when she finished her work in half the time.
>>>>
>>>>"Thank you, Mommy.  It took less time than usual."
>>>>
>>>>The next morning Pessi dressed in one of the outfits and shoes from 
>>>>Chavy. She wished her mother good Shabbos before leaving for her 
>>>>father's synagogue.  It felt so good to get dressed in normal, beautiful 
>>>>clothes. A part of her also wanted to see the expressions on Ruthie's 
>>>>and Miriam's faces when she entered the Shul.
>>>>
>>>>Pessi realized that for the first time in months her mother didn't 
>>>>badger her with complaints about her reclusive lifestyle.  Yes, she had 
>>>>come out of her self constructed closet and into the world of the 
>>>>living.  What her mother didn't know, and Pessi didn't want to tell her, 
>>>>is that the only two girls she had a relationship with were Chavy and 
>>>>Toby.  She felt comfortable with that.  At the synagogue she took a seat 
>>>>in the women's section, and opened her prayer book.  When the services 
>>>>ended she prepared to leave.  In the coatroom Ruthie and Miriam stared 
>>>>at her.  She smiled at the two of them before going out into the cold, 
>>>>crisp November air.
>>>>
>>>>The yentas followed her out.  Miriam observed, "I can't believe it! 
>>>>Someone must have taken her in, and bought her new clothes.  With her 
>>>>new haircut, and those clothes, perhaps someone is showing our reject 
>>>>what it means to look like a normal person.  Why does she wear those 
>>>>ugly shoes to school when she has those stylish ones in the closet?  I 
>>>>guess you can take the reject away from the garbage, but can't take all 
>>>>the garbage away from the reject.  Her coat should be declared illegal!" 
>>>>They laughed at Miriam's petty remarks, but this week Pessi didn't 
>>>>linger close enough to hear their reaction.  She knew she looked 
>>>>terrific.  Even the nasty remarks of the yentas couldn't dampen her 
>>>>spirits.
>>>>
>>>>When she got home she greeted her mother before going upstairs to change 
>>>>out of her good clothes.  She would put them on later if she decided to 
>>>>go out.  What a difference compared to last week! The girl who spent 
>>>>last Shabbos morning putting up her defenses against the world today 
>>>>came in singing.  She went in the kitchen to prepare the salad.  It 
>>>>shocked her to see a completed one on the counter!  "Mommy!  When did 
>>>>you do this?"
>>>>
>>>>"Suri helped me to the table, and brought me everything.  Now all you 
>>>>have to do is set the table."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi kissed her mother before getting the silverware.
>>>>
>>>>After the meal Pessi asked permission to go to Chavy's house.  Her 
>>>>father quickly answered, "Go ahead, Pessi.  Your brothers and I will 
>>>>take care of Sudat shlishit.  Have a good time."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi dressed in the same outfit and black shoes she wore that morning, 
>>>>spending extra time doing her luxurious black hair.  She looked good 
>>>>despite the ragged coat she would be putting on in a few minutes.  In 
>>>>the dining room her mother remarked, "You look spectacular, dear.  Have 
>>>>a good time."
>>>>
>>>>Pessi made her way leisurely under the brilliant November sun.  It had 
>>>>been ages since she went out on a Shabbos or any other day just to have 
>>>>fun.
>>>>
>>>>Ambling down Chavy's block she spotted a little girl with red hair 
>>>>standing on her front porch watching the world go by.  As Pessi neared 
>>>>Chavy's house the child ran up to her asking, "Do you know Chavy Levy?"
>>>>
>>>>A surprised Pessi answered, "Yes, I do.  Why?"
>>>>
>>>>In a serious voice Chaya Kravitz started, "She's the meanest girl in the 
>>>>world.  I don't think nice people should be her friends."
>>>>
>>>>"Chavy is a nice person, and my friend.  I think little girls should 
>>>>find something better to do with their time than gossip about older 
>>>>girls. Good Shabbos."
>>>>
>>>>When Pessi knocked on the Levy door Chumy answered.  "Good Shabbos, 
>>>>Pessi. Come on in."
>>>>
>>>>Chumy called her sister at the same time Yigal passed them on his way 
>>>>out. "Pessi, just teach my sister to be a doll like you!  There's only 
>>>>so much a guy can be expected to take!"  Pessi blushed, and Yigal left 
>>>>the house.
>>>>
>>>>Chavy greeted her friend.  "You're just in time.  I'm picking up Shayna. 
>>>>We were going to pick you up for B'nos, but you beat us to it.  Want to 
>>>>go?"
>>>>
>>>>"Sure.  Who's speaking?"
>>>>
>>>>"Mrs. Newman.  They're also serving a delicious dessert buffet after. 
>>>>This is where all my weight comes in.  You're so skinny it doesn't 
>>>>matter what you eat.  Some people have all the luck!"
>>>>
>>>>Pessi told Chavy about her encounter with the curly topped red headed 
>>>>child.  Chavy's face blazed with anger.  "Chaya Kravitz is trouble. 
>>>>I've known her since the day she was born, and spent many afternoons 
>>>>dragging her back to a worried mother who didn't have a clue about her 
>>>>whereabouts. Chaya blames me for all the trouble she gets into, but no 
>>>>one can convince her that if she didn't do something wrong to begin with 
>>>>nothing I do would make a difference.  Don't worry about Chaya Kravitz. 
>>>>Luckily she's not our problem."    The three of them headed for B'nos 
>>>>leaving Chaya Kravitz eyeing them from down the block.
>>>>
>>>>That afternoon Mrs. Newman shared her insight on the topic of chesed. 
>>>>As if responding to the actions of the past week the principal mentioned 
>>>>in her description, "Girls, many of you may think that when going on a 
>>>>Chesed assignment you are doing something nice for someone else.  The 
>>>>truth is that you are, but in return you're getting something greater 
>>>>back.  While giving to others you will find yourself in many situations 
>>>>where you take away incomparable experiences with people that can't be 
>>>>taught on a university campus.  Over the years I've seen situations 
>>>>where Chesed girls go to people's homes and come out with a good friend 
>>>>for life, the knowledge of something they would have never learned if 
>>>>not for the people they started out helping and more understanding of 
>>>>the world in general. Chesed is not a school requirement just because 
>>>>people need help, but we want our girls to learn that there is a big 
>>>>world out there. Where ever you end up we want you to know you have the 
>>>>ability to make a difference."
>>>>
>>>>During Mrs. Newman's weekly visit to Mrs. Goldberg Shayna raved about 
>>>>the girls who came four days a week to help her family and were 
>>>>instrumental in bringing her beautiful daughter into the world of 
>>>>teenage life.  Until that discussion Mrs. Newman had been unaware of 
>>>>this project and smiled listening to Shayna Goldberg tell of her 
>>>>students' activities.
>>>>
>>>>She simply responded, "Shayna, I love my job because my girls make it 
>>>>easy to love.  I'm glad they are helping out Pessi.  She's a lovely girl 
>>>>and deserves the help."
>>>>
>>>>Going through Pessi's mind were the questions, "Can anyone learn 
>>>>anything from helping my family?  What can girls learn from a dying 
>>>>mother and dire poverty?"
>>>>
>>>>She had a feeling Mrs. Newman was referring to Chavy and Toby going to 
>>>>the Goldbergs' four days a week, but wondered what she was talking about 
>>>>when she implied that when helping a family like hers someone could come 
>>>>away with knowledge they wouldn't otherwise have.  Her mother mentioned 
>>>>the other day that Mrs. Newman visited and she told the principal about 
>>>>what her Chesed girls were doing, but Pessi still couldn't understand 
>>>>anything of value Chavy or Toby could take away with them.
>>>>
>>>>Going through Chavy's mind was the question, "How can she begin to know 
>>>>what helping the Goldbergs has contributed to our lives forever?"  Chavy 
>>>>knew she would never look at anything the same again.
>>>>
>>>>On the way out of school Chavy asked, "Pessi, Want to come over for 
>>>>sudat shlishit?"
>>>>
>>>>"Yes.  My father told me the boys would take care of it at my house."
>>>>
>>>>"Perhaps your brothers would tell my brothers how to do it.  Yigal is 
>>>>still complaining about having to make tuna salad and drying dishes last 
>>>>week.  Those guys are worthless!  "
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer spent a lot of time that morning putting makeup over her 
>>>>healing bruises.  Once that was done she put on her cheerleader's 
>>>>uniform, and headed for the field.  On Jennifer's way out Sheila voiced 
>>>>her opinion. "I don't think you should be going out so soon after the 
>>>>accident."
>>>>
>>>>"Sheila, I'm fine.  I'm a big girl and can take care of myself.  Stop 
>>>>worrying!"  With that she left the house.
>>>>
>>>>She stood on the sidelines helping the cheerleaders inspire the crowd 
>>>>with their enthusiastic cheers.  A few of the girls came up to her to 
>>>>inquire about the accident.  Some of the guys welcomed her back while 
>>>>others couldn't resist commenting about the bruises on her face.
>>>>
>>>>Jack, one of the guys on the team, strode up to her during half time. 
>>>>"Jennifer, I'm sorry that your beautiful Jewish face had to suffer. 
>>>>Maybe there's a Jewish prayer that will help it heal faster."  Holding 
>>>>the hand of another cheerleader he continued through the club house 
>>>>laughing.
>>>>
>>>>She stared after him wondering about his comment.  Did Jews pray?  Just 
>>>>another Saturday at the football field.
>>>>
>>>>When she got home she heard Sheila on the phone.  "Hold on a minute. 
>>>>She just came in."  Jennifer took the phone.
>>>>
>>>>"Hi, Jennifer.  It's Randy.  I just got a call telling me that the other 
>>>>team lost.  The trophy is ours!"
>>>>
>>>>"Congratulations, Randy!  I know how hard you worked for this."
>>>>
>>>>"The dance tonight will be our victory party.  Will you go with me?"
>>>>
>>>>"Randy, we've been through this.  Enjoy the party.  You deserve it."
>>>>
>>>>Jennifer knew that Randy felt things for her that were probably 
>>>>indicative of teenage love.  But Jennifer didn't know how to love.  She 
>>>>liked Randy a lot, and couldn't mislead him into thinking that her 
>>>>feelings could be more serious than close friendship.  She changed out 
>>>>of her uniform and ran downstairs to her sewing machine.
>>>>_______________________________________________
>>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org 
>>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
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>>><http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
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