[stylist] Angels Light Partial Draft 1

[The Crowd]

I checked out about 6 pages and I enjoyed many of your phrases. I especially 
liked the urgency with the running, running, running, flow. You do give us a 
feeling of desperation.

Watch repeating words close together. Not including the running above. lol 
Hands, the boys name, the word angel, ETC.

Remember to show not tell. Instead of saying he was hystericle, show us how 
he acted when he was histericle.

I was pleased to see you didn't use a lot of saidisms, just remember that 
you know who is talking at all times, you're the writer, but the reader 
needs to know. I liked how you used little dreamer to let us know that the 
angel was speaking.

I hope you will keep on working and writing. I see some talent here!

I would suggest some writing classes. I am just finishing mystery writing 
and have taken advanced fiction writing. I learned much about pacing and 
story structure. I managed to tackle scene and siquil, and I can recite the 
3 act structure and the plot points in my sleep.

Talent is awesome and as much as we'd like to think it is enough, it isn't. 
Even talent needs to know the ttools of the trade, so study write every day 
and practice, practice, practice.

Wishing well,
write on,
Atty
the
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, November 28, 2009 7:39 AM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Angels Light Partial Draft 1


> STYLIST members
>
> Did you all see this message by Katie? She is a high school student; a
> member of the Division. It was sent in back on the 12th of October. The
> attached story is quite good. I'm wondering what you all would give her 
> for
> feedback?
>
>
> Robert Leslie Newman
> Email- newmanrl at cox.net
> THOUGHT PROVOKER Website-
> Http://www.thoughtprovoker.info
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of kec92 at ourlink.net
> Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 8:36 PM
> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [stylist] Angels Light Partial Draft 1
>
>
>
> Hey,
>
> Sorry you haven't heard from me in a while.  But I've been working
> on Angels Light.  I wanted to run it by everyone to see what you all think
> of it.  Since my first email a while ago,, I've been revising and editting
> my story.  I'm sending it and attached file. Enjoy!
>
> Katie Colton  BODY { font-family:Arial, Helvetica,
> sans-serif;font-size:12px; }
>


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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