[stylist] Rough draft of a poem.

[Alan]

Hi everyone,
I just wrote this poem, but I feel it is very rough and needs work.  Any thoughts and feedback are greatly appreciated.

I am trying to convey emotional tumult in terms of a beach with a full moon.  This just seems weak to me, and could be stronger.  Hre it is:
Full Moon and High Tide

 

The full moon shone on the beach of his life

and pulled on the tides of his emotions

 

The high tide of his love for her

the water seeming like the million tears he had cried

the thunderous sound his beating heart

 

 

ebbing only came when he remembered

that for the time being

fate conspires to keep them apart