[stylist] DBG (chapter 4)

[helene ryles]

Scott: I decided to remove the biting incidence altogether as
unncessary. I decided it was redundent after the dog had nearly got
them thrown off the train.

So the conversation after the ticket collector leaves goes as follows:

"Why did we bring Stormy?" I asked Liza after the ticket collector went away.
"I’m beginning to wonder that myself.  If that vicious mutt makes a
lunge for anyone else, I swear I’m going to feed her to Talmon! She
nearly got us thrown off the train”
“You wouldn’t really do that” I objected.  Despite Stormy’s vicious
nature, she did have her charm. She was a very attractive dog.
 “No, of course not; the reason I bought her was because if your
mother comes, the other dogs would be useless.  We stand more of a
chance at getting away if Stormy rips her to pieces first"

As for introducing Liza's other sisters, it was originally in the
conversation Liza had with Beria that Nadia overheard. I omitted it on
my last version. Would it help if I put it back?

helene

On 10/09/2009, helene ryles <dreamavdb at googlemail.com> wrote:
> Hi Lora,
> I do include the dates in brackets after the chapter title. Would it
> be clearer if I put the dates on a seperate line.
>
> Originally their was a differant time system with 13 months, but I
> scrapped it as I found it got too confusing.
>
> Helene
>
> On 10/09/2009, LoriStay at aol.com <LoriStay at aol.com> wrote:
>> Moving around in time is fine, if you anchor the chronology.   In the
>> book
>> I mentioned, The Time Traveler's Wife, each entry was dated, so we knew
>> which ones landed in the past and which moved forward in time.   If you
>> are
>> setting your story on earth, you can use the usual calendar.   If not,
>> you
>> can
>> invent years, months, etc.
>>
>> Yes, I'm still interested in the story.   It takes a lot to confuse me,
>> which is why I try to be aware of what will confuse others.
>> Lori
>> In a message dated 9/9/09 4:17:56 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:
>>
>>
>>>
>>> I tried to do it a little more cronalogically but it lacked any sort
>>> of suspense that way. I was advised to put some drama at the beggining
>>> to help hook the reader.
>>>
>>> Fiona's chapter at the beggining starts somewhere at the middle of the
>>> book.
>>> Nadia's chapters move cronologically.
>>> Liza's chapters are less cronological. She tends to deal with specific
>>> subject matters.
>>>
>>> I do hope I haven't lost you over this matter but differant people
>>> seem to have differant tastes and I can't please everyone. I thought
>>> it was ok to move about in time.
>>>
>>> Helene.
>>>
>>>
>>
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>