[stylist] DBG 9: The son my mother wanted.

Thu Sep 24 20:48:40 UTC 2009

Can the explanations about the schools wait until another chapter?

Nadia can't possibly explain about the various schools she is
transfered to. I should imagine that she will be in a really shell
shocked frame of mine so putting that sort of detail in would be too
much out of character.

I can split that chapter up and include another chapter in the middle
from  Liza's point of view since Liza can give more of an explanation
on what is happening to Nadia from an outside point of view. All she
needs to do is read Nadia's file with the various complaints on it.

Helene

On 24/09/2009, helene ryles <dreamavdb at googlemail.com> wrote:
> Hi Lora,
> Thanks for your feedback.
>
> The rickshaw Beria uses has pedals. That's the type I've examined so
> Beria pedals it.
>
> Madrella wants a son so failing that, she'll just dress Nadia up as a
> boy. In the same way that she will try to deny Nadia's disabilities by
> pretending they don't exist.
>
> I know this is an extreme case, but some parents are just like that.
> They don't settle for the children they have. They expect the child to
> conform to what they want. It's a selfish attitude to take but it's
> not too uncommon. This is just an extreme example of that.
>
> I used to know a deafblind girl at college. She prefered to
> communicate via signing and fingerspelling as that was most natural
> for her, and it was easier for everyone concerned, but her father
> wouldn't have it. He was angry with the staff at college for using
> signs with her but that was the easiest way to get through to her. He
> obviously didn't accept her for what she was. He wanted her to be
> oral. Even if it was extremely difficult for her since she also
> partially sighted, but he just didn't care. It seemed what he wanted
> was more important then what she wanted.
>
> It was a mistake if I mention Madrella call Nadia by her name, but the
> police officers definately refere to Nadia as her.
> The police officers already know what Madrella is like. Beria really
> doesn't care. She is actually on Madrella's side. Since she's the
> person who perswaded Nadia's father to give up a leg in the first
> place. She's cut from the same sort of cloth as Madrella.
> P.C. Rickshaw does care but she's a lower ranking officer. She wants
> to keep her job too but she doesn't go away and do nothing. She has a
> part to play in the next chapter.
>
> Helene
>
> On 24/09/2009, LoriStay at aol.com <LoriStay at aol.com> wrote:
>> A rickshaw is a cart in which two or at most three people can sit, and it
>> is generally pulled by a runner, or someone on a bicycle.   Perhaps you
>> coul
>> describe the rickshaw in your story, as it seems a bit out of place here.
>> I've only ridden in one once, and that was in, of all places, Kentucky,
>> back
>> in 1985.   Interesting ride, but it seemed very strange to make one man
>> work so hard to pull two able bodied adults up and down the hills.
>> In your story, who pulls the rickshaw?   A dragon?   Or does the witch
>> power it?   I found myself wondering.
>>
>>  I was just
>> standing there when her pink immaculate nails dug into my flesh.
>> I'd probably have written ...her immaculate pink nails.
>> Why?   Something about the sound of the two adjectives, I guess.
>>
>>
>> Mother dragged me behind some spiky bushes.  She roughly pulled off my
>> neon pink and black dress, and dressed me in a plain shirt and
>> trousers, that boys usually wore.
>> Here you might make it plain that the girl is under an enchantment, or
>> your
>> readers will wonder why she doesn't fight or put up some form of
>> resistance.   You do mention it later, but in needs to be here:   She
>> roughly pulled
>> off...etc. I could not move...   The fright part comes later.   Or you
>> could
>> say, because I could not move, fear coursed through my body...   (Don't
>> say
>> was feeling--that's too passive)
>>
>> I definitely wanted more out of this scene.
>>
>> However, I find myself getting a little tired of the mother and her all
>> powerful craziness.   As for the beatings and the quick changes of
>> school,
>> there needs to be more point to them, or more explanation for them.   I
>> realize
>> Nadia doesn't totally understand what is going on some of the time, but
>> your
>> reader does need to understand it.
>>
>> I recently came across a book called "The Changeling," in which the main
>> character was totally convinced she was a boy until puberty because she
>> had
>> been raised as a boy.   But then things became obvious to her.   She
>> wasn't
>> crazy, but had lost her parents early on.   I haven't read the book yet,
>> but
>> in another book with a similar theme, the child was raised as a boy and
>> referred to as a boy as a form of protection.
>>
>> In your story, it just seems to be a form of punishment.
>>
>> Also, when the mother refers to her (sister?) and her two signing
>> children
>> as fruitcakes in front of the policepeople, I found that frankly
>> unbelievable that they wouldn't call her on that, or at least exchange
>> meaningful
>> glances.
>>
>> In the midst of the discussion about bruises and schools, the mother
>> begins
>> to refer to Nadia as a girl.   How odd.
>>
>> The woman is obviously mentally deranged.   Everyone seems to know it,
>> and
>> yet she still has custody of her child.   I'm afraid my disbelief is
>> resisting being suspended.
>> Lori
>>
>>
>> In a message dated 9/20/09 3:28:36 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:
>>
>>
>>>
>>> Beria’s rickshaw landed in the playing field.
>>>
>>
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