[stylist] An autobiographical piece that was accepted ... for better or worse

[Donna Hill]

Hi Friends,
Since we've been talking about autobiographical writing, I thought I'd 
share a piece I recently wrote for a book by Richard Singer on embracing 
the present. He asked me to contribute something after reading something 
else I wrote. I had less than 30 days to do it, and re reading it now, I 
would change some things, but he is including it in his book. First 
person isn't my strong suit by any means. So, as an example of the genre 
and for your comments on how I might make future things better, I will 
copy it below.
Cheers,
Donna
***

Word count: 1198

Satori Green

By Donna W. Hill

"All is illusion: let it go, and all is in order: let it come; in India, 
enlightenment (/Samadhi/) with the eyes closed; in Japan, enlightenment 
(/Satori)/ with the eyes opened."

Joseph Campbell, _The Masks of God: Oriental Mythology_ (Penguin, p 29)

Sometimes, a word -- especially an uncommon one -- grabs our imagination 
and holds on for dear life. Embracing it, we find an ethereal talisman, 
a guardian of the heart.

When I first read the above quote, I was stopped in my tracks. All is in 
order, let it come ... /Satori/ ... with the eyes open. This was not the 
first time I had come face to face with the idea of embracing the 
present. I was already captivated by Verdandi, the Norse goddess of the 
present. Satori seemed to go hand in hand.

In the '80s while pursuing my music career in Philadelphia, I studied 
the Alexander Technique -- a method of movement re education -- and Tai 
Chi. Both disciplines emphasized cultivating an awareness of the 
present. Centering myself in the moment and being aware of my 
surroundings would help me respond to whatever came along.

But, my fascination with the present was not merely a quest for physical 
grace and poise. It was the answer to the most profound challenges of my 
life. Born legally blind from the degenerative eye disease Retinitis 
Pigmentosa, I floundered for decades in that misty world between normal 
vision and blindness. Too sighted to receive Braille and other 
non-visual skills, I was too blind to succeed without them. The 
philosophy was: if you could still "see" to read print, you should read 
print. It was irrelevant that doing so took obscenely inordinate amounts 
of time, resulted in ongoing headaches, meant you had little time for 
anything vaguely resembling a normal childhood and that you were doomed 
to fall behind academically and socially despite your efforts.

After five years of piano lessons, during which I learned to memorize 
music so I wouldn't have to look at it, I found my vision slipping 
beyond the point of being able to learn the more complicated pieces my 
hands could then play. When I quit, it broke my mother's heart, but no 
one had any alternatives. The frustration of trying to keep up and 
falling further and further behind was accompanied by the pain of 
constant bullying. As it became clear that no help was coming, I 
developed a seething resentment and rage.

Surviving in the face of these realities was a matter of keeping this 
rage in check. Thoughts unlinked to the here and now were of two kinds 
-- fretting over the past and worrying about the future. Neither was 
tolerable. I found solace in nature when I filled my mind with awareness 
of the present. With no nagging unfinished business and no dire 
predictions of what was to come, I could find peace and the possibility 
of re-writing the scripts which had been emblazoned in my psyche.

This has enabled me to achieve some success. Graduating from college, 
living independently, pursuing my life's work and finding love -- all 
things that people assured me were impossible (often in the most 
humiliating and public of ways) -- have all happened.

I taught myself to play guitar and began writing music in high school. 
Not until I graduated from college did I receive my first guide dog and 
teach myself Braille. While in Philadelphia, I recorded three albums of 
my songs. My coverage, as a volunteer, of the Carter inauguration marked 
the first time national press credentials were awarded to a blind 
reporter from a radio reading service for the blind.

I built a career around my music; first as a street performer and later 
as a presenter of school assemblies and other music-based programs. I 
encouraged others to pursue their dreams and refuse to allow their 
circumstances to dictate the outcomes of their lives.

Were there set-backs? Many. It has always been easy for me to fall into 
doubt and despair. I am not one of those people for whom the light of 
self-assurance burns with an unerring consistency. I don't have a sense 
that all will work out well, that I am destined to achieve my goals. 
Despite the crushing defeats, however, I remain aware of one simple 
reality: I don't want the sad predictions to be true.

In the midst of my successes, my world was threatened. At 40, I found a 
lump in my breast. At first, having breast cancer wasn't the problem. I 
was working on my third album. We were going to use it to market my 
songwriting skills. After surgery and radiation, I returned to the 
studio and finished the project. The week after sending the master and 
cover art to be transformed into CDs, however, I found a lump in the 
other breast. After treatment, I didn't have the funds or energy to run 
around Nashville. My dreams were blowing up in my face and I didn't know 
how to proceed.

It took years and a move to the Endless Mountains of Pennsylvania to 
refocus my thinking. I stopped writing music, thinking it would give me 
space to envision new possibilities. That only lasted until 9/11. I also 
started working on a fantasy novel. That required learning to use a 
computer with text-to-speech software.

The computer allowed me to submit an electronic version of one of my 
songs to the volunteer-run nonprofit Performing Arts Division (PAD) of 
the National Federation of the Blind (NFB). I was asked to donate "The 
Edge of the Line" to PAD's "Sound in Sight" project, a multi-genre 
compilation of original tracks and covers by blind recording artists, 
which funds projects including a scholarship.

I was horrified to realize that things had actually gotten worse for 
blind kids since I was in school. In those days, 50% of America's blind 
kids learned Braille. Now, it's 10%. Unemployment is 70% for blind 
adults. Nonetheless, blind people are successful as lawyers, mechanics, 
journalists, chemists, engineers and in many other fields. The 
difference is Braille. Of the blind people who work, over 80% read 
Braille. Despite the availability of audio books and talking computers 
(both wonderful, irreplaceable tools), Braille is the only tool which 
can give true literacy to blind people on a par with print.

The shock of realizing that little kids are still suffering as I did 
spurred me into action. I soon learned that the skills I had developed 
while promoting my music were transferable. Now, as a volunteer PR 
person for both PAD and the NFB of PA, I attempt to get the story out 
about what blind people can do and the obstacles we face. I also write 
for the online magazines American Chronicle and Suite 101. I cover not 
only blindness issues but other topics such as wildlife conservation, 
health, music and knitting.

My novel is essentially done. Satori Green in the Verdandi Valley is a 
place of spiritual/magical awakening for my two heroes -- a couple of 
14-year-old refugees, including a girl, who, like me, is a songwriter 
dealing with vision loss, prejudice and an irrepressible notion that 
physical sight should be unnecessary for social equality.


-- 
Read Donna's articles on
Suite 101:
www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
American Chronicle:
www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885

Connect with Donna on
Twitter:
www.twitter.com/dewhill
LinkedIn:
www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.

Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
Apple I-Tunes
phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374

Check out the "Sound in Sight" CD project
Donna is Head of Media Relations for the nonprofit
Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind:
www.padnfb.org





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