[stylist] Writing Prompt for Anthology
Donna Hill
penatwork at epix.net
Sun Jul 4 23:58:28 UTC 2010
Hi Chris,
Here I am going through my In Box on the 4th of July and what a
surprise! You are an excellent writer. I love this! You do a really good
job at mixing up dialog and narrative. Of course, I do want to know what
happened to Dennis and how his cousin ended up with the house.
Donna
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On 6/11/2010 1:52 PM, Chris Kuell wrote:
> Greetings fellow Writers. Below is my response to the writing prompt
> Kerry posted a few days ago--about house, holiday, family. It's 3,250
> words long, and is composed of 3 vignettes. It contains adult language
> and situations, so if that bothers you, or if you are young enough to
> feel your parents might object--please refrain. For those daring
> enough to read, I welcome any comments, suggestions and criticisms. My
> goal is to improve as a writer, and your feedback can help me do that.
>
> * * *
>
>
> 57 Juniper Lane
>
> By Chris Kuell
>
>
> July 4, 1954
>
> Dennis Tafuri found his father half-crammed between the toilet and the
> bathtub in the upstairs bathroom. He was putting a brass screw into
> the little section of wall behind the shower where the pipes were
> hidden. "Hey Pop-Mom says it's time to grill."
>
> "Tell her I'm almost done," Mr. Tafuri muttered around the spare screw
> he held between his lips. He spit the screw into his palm, contorted
> his back into an odd shape that allowed him to start the screw.
> Various grunting sounds emanated as he manually drove the screw into
> the wood panel. Large sweat spots grew under each arm, his back was
> already soaked but he kept at it.
>
> Dennis waited quietly for his father to finish, then accepted the
> screwdriver as the old guy wiggled himself out. His back cracked as he
> got up, stretched and manipulated his body into its normal posture.
> "Run and put that in my tool box," he said. "In the second tray with
> the other screwdrivers. Got it?"
>
> "Got it," Dennis said as he ran to the stairs, took them two at a time
> until a final leap cleared the last five. His landing rattled the
> entire house.
>
> "Dennis!" his father bellowed. "Slow down!"
>
> He didn't. He couldn't. Kids like him were made for going fast-the
> faster, the better. He took off again, sprinting through the kitchen
> to the basement door. He flung it open, banging the doorknob into the
> opposite wall, expanding the ever-growing hole in the plaster.
>
> Dennis had to slow down in the basement as it was dark and a little
> bit creepy. He swung an arm out in front of his body hoping to feel
> the pull-switch, or fend off any zombies that might be hiding down
> here. At eight-years-old, he was old enough to fully realize the
> danger zombies posed to the world. He had overheard his older brother
> Frank and his pals discussing them. Commie Zombies were the worst,
> since the Russians gave them their commands and they were programmed
> to hit strategic areas in America-the greatest country on earth. Heck,
> the greatest country in the universe. Dennis wasn't sure if Glendale
> was a strategic area or not, but you couldn't take chances.
>
> The string grazed is hand. He yanked and blinked a few times because
> he'd been staring right where the bare bulb was. Each time he closed
> his eyes he saw a blood-red sun.
>
> The correct drawer to the toolbox was already open, so he tossed in
> the screwdriver, slammed the drawer shut with his foot and sprinted
> across the basement, pulling the light off at the last second before
> running up the stairs like a mountain villager fleeing a rampaging
> elephant.
>
> The adults in the backyard milled around, smoking and talking while a
> group of his cousins were playing croquet. Aunt Ginny had on a red
> Uncle Sam shirt, blue pants and bright white sneakers. Denis's mother
> was holding a big platter full of burgers and hot dogs, obviously
> irritated with his Pop who was opening up a can of Schlitz and
> listening to Mr. Phipps tell another dirty joke.
>
> "I just don't understand why you had to do it today-the fourth of July
> for crying out loud-while our family and friends are here," his mother
> said.
>
> "You want the whole goddamned ceiling to fall in on us?" Pop said,
> probably a little louder than he should have. "If I didn't fix that
> leak, that's what woulda happened." He took a long drink of beer. "Now
> I put in an access panel so next time I can get in there easier-the
> way it shoulda been done in the first place." He put down his Schlitz
> and took a big handful of meat from the platter. He placed each piece
> strategically on the grill. "I just don't know about the numb-skulls
> who built this house."
>
> Dennis searched the crowd for his Uncle Eddie. Uncle Eddie was the
> coolest uncle a kid could have. He drove a motorcycle, a Triumph,
> which was a British bike that Uncle Eddie said was the fastest.
>
> Dennis saw him with a girl in a yellow Dress that Mom said was too
> short. A lit cig danced in the corner of his mouth as he talked."
>
> Hey, Uncle Eddie!"
>
> Uncle Eddie ran a hand through his greased-back hair, flicked his
> Lucky Strike to the ground and crushed it out. "Well if it isn't old
> Dennis-the-menace. What kind of hell you raisin' these days?"
>
> "Got any firecrackers?" Dennis asked. Last year Uncle Eddie let him
> light off some ladyfingers and black cats, even though his mother had
> told him not too. She said Dennis was too young-but he wasn't. After
> all, he'd lit off seventeen of them and didn't get hurt. Or caught.
>
> "Can you keep a secret?" Uncle Eddie whispered. Dennis shook his head
> vigorously in the affirmative.
>
> His Uncle drifted away from the crowd and the girl in the yellow dress
> and reached into his pocket. When Dennis got closer, Uncle Eddie
> pulled out a dull red ball with a green fuse. "You know what this is?"
>
> "Uh-unh," Dennis said.
>
> "A cherry-bomb. It's the most powerful firecracker there is."
>
> "Can I light it off?" Dennis asked.
>
> "Sorry kiddo, but this things strong as Half-a-stick of dynamite."
>
> Dennis's eyes nearly popped out. Half of a stick of TNT. They
> continued walking past the croquet players to the edge of the
> property. His Uncle pulled a small silver flask from a different
> pocket, uncorked it and took a deep swallow.
>
> "C'mon, Uncle Eddie-lemme light it off. I won't get hurt-I promise."
>
> Uncle Eddie stared hard at him, like maybe he was seeing himself when
> he was eight-years-old. "Tell you what. We'll do it together."
>
> "Neato!" Dennis said, bouncing up and down like an electrified slinky.
> Uncle Eddie let him hold the cherry-bomb, which was lighter than a
> marble and about the size of a Penney gumball.
>
> "Okay-listen very carefully," Uncle Eddie said. "As soon as you see
> it's lit, you chuck it over towards the woods-not towards the people.
> Got it?"
>
> "Got it," Dennis answered reflexively.
>
> His Uncle took out the Zippo he'd got from a friend who took it off a
> dead Jap in the pacific. It had Japanese letters on it and the silver
> casing glinted in the afternoon sun. "Soon as it's lit, you chuck
> it-right?"
>
> Dennis nodded like one of those bobble-heads. With a flick of Eddies
> thumb, fire sprouted from the Zippo. Dennis moved the tip of the
> cherry-bomb fuse closer and closer to the flame until it started to
> glow and shoot off tiny gold sparks.
>
> "Now," his Uncle said.
>
> Dennis watched the fuse like it was a mini-sparkler. He noticed the
> burned fuse turning to ash before falling away like one of his Dad's
> cigarettes when he fell asleep on the couch while watching a football
> game.
>
> "Dennis-now!"
>
> Uncle Eddie sounded panicked, but Dennis wasn't worried. In fact, he
> was thrilled. As the fuse burned the danger increased and every
> endorphin in the boy's body turned to full throttle. With less than a
> second of fuse left Dennis finally relinquished, throwing the
> cherry-bomb with all his might. It exploded in a great ball of light
> and noise not five feet from them, the sonic boom absolutely the most
> incredible thing Dennis had ever heard. So close he felt the sound
> wave pass right through him. And the explosion was so cool-a white
> fireball about two feet in diameter. What power. How incredible.
>
> Dennis stood mesmerized until he felt a firm hand squeezing his
> shoulder. Uncle Eddie, looking mad. His mother, obviously very upset,
> shaking with tears. Through the echoes ringing in his ears he barely
> heard her shout, "Dennis!"
>
>
> * * *
>
> July 4, 1974
>
> Dennis Tafuri finally caved to his mother's constant ragging and
> changed the record from, The Doors LA Woman, to Seals and Crofts,
> which wasn't too bad harmony-wise. But it bored him half-to-death.
> With, Summer Breeze, wafting across the backyard airwaves he loaded
> the frozen burgers and dogs on the grill. The charcoal briquettes
> still smelled a little like lighter fluid and weren't quite that
> orange-gray color which meant right-on cooking, but that was groovy.
> With a few minutes to kill, he grabbed a cold Miller from the Coleman
> and went upstairs to his room-the same one he'd lived in since he was
> born.
>
> Now the Stan Musial and Willie Mays posters and Red Sox pennants had
> been replaced with a sunset mural his girlfriend had painted for him,
> and a totally mellow tapestry he'd scored from a flower-child at a
> Grateful Dead show in Topeka.
>
> Dennis turned on the radio, W R OK, the home of Rock-n-Roll, and was
> treated to Eric Clapton playing Layla. Under the ashtray on his
> bedside table he found a half-smoked roach, clamped it into a pair of
> hemostats and sparked it up. That first wave of high hit him like
> jumping into a cool lake after you've been camping deep in the woods
> for about three weeks. So very welcome. Refreshing. Invigorating.
> Nature's mellow-dee.
>
> He blew the smoke out the bedroom window-no need to get his Mom all
> angry, bringing him down with her perpetual uptightness. A cop car
> slowed in front of the house and pulled in the crowded driveway. Had
> they seen him?
>
> No way. Was the music too loud? It was Seals and Crofts, for Christ's
> sake. Instead of one cop, two got out of the pig-mobile, which made
> Dennis nervous. He didn't have but a few joints worth of grass in the
> house, but he did have almost ten grand from that last couple pounds
> he and Duncan had moved. If the coppers wanted to search the house,
> that might be hard to explain.
>
> Hell-he was just being paranoid. It was the fourth of July; they were
> hosting a family cookout. Even the fuzz wouldn't be looking for
> trouble on a day like today.
>
> Or maybe they would? Maybe they figured this was the perfect day to
> bring down a bust. Shit.
>
> Despite the lack of clarity in his thinking, Dennis snuffed out the
> joint, popped it into his mouth and swallowed. It left a nasty, ashy
> taste on his tongue. In his closet he pulled down the Converse box,
> removed the paper sack full of cash and went into the bathroom, which
> smelled like a lavender factory from that crap his mother was always
> buying. He put the toilet lid down, placed the bag on it and reached
> in his pocket for the Swiss Army knife Pop had given him on his
> eighteenth birthday. The last gift Pop had ever given him.
>
> It took some finagling to get the screwdriver blade out, but once he
> did, Dennis wriggled like an otter between the toilet and the tub,
> found a screw on the access panel and went to work. The screw hadn't
> been budged in years, but once he got it started it came out quickly.
> Downstairs he heard an authoritative knock, followed by his mother
> saying, "Coming."
>
> With one screw out, Dennis started on the second. Sweat gathered on
> his forehead. He gave himself a pep-talk. "C'mon Dennis-you can do
> this. Don't panic. Just keep cool, Dennis. Cool as a cucumber. Focus."
>
> Second screw out, third screw started.
>
> "Dennis!" his mother yelled. She was out back. "I don't know where he
> is. He was just at the grill putting on the hamburgers."
>
> Fourth screw out, but the thingee wouldn't open. Shit. He crammed the
> blade of the screwdriver into the crack and tried to jimmy it. No good.
>
> "Dennis? Anybody see Dennis?"
>
> Somebody had painted the bathroom lime-green a few years ago, and that
> had to be the trouble. Dennis opened the big knife blade and sliced
> along the perimeter of the panel. Once that was done, with some
> encouragement from his fist, the panel fell open. Dennis moved his arm
> behind him to grab the paper bag of cash and crammed it underneath the
> shower pipes by the tub. He returned the panel, and as he put the
> first screw in he heard his mother and the fuzz come in the house
> through the sliding glass doors in the living room. "Dennis? Are you
> in here?"
>
> Sweat drenched his tee shirt now, and for a second he had a flashback
> to his father in this same position twenty-odd summers ago, his shirt
> stained with sweat and his mother wondering where in the hell he was.
> How weird was that?
>
> "Dennis?"
>
> They were coming up the stairs. He got the third screw in and
> struggled to start the fourth.
>
> "Dennis?" Heavy footsteps. "You up here?"
>
> He listened as his bedroom door was opened. The screw wobbled and
> dropped to the floor, rolling to just under his ear.
>
> "Dennis?"
>
> He managed to retrieve it with his left hand and set it in the hole.
> With supreme effort, he screwed it in and wiggled himself out onto the
> floor.
>
> "Dennis?" His mother knocked at the bathroom door. "Are you in there?"
>
> "Yeah, Ma," he said, getting first to his knees and then to his feet.
> He flushed the toilet and returned the Swiss Army knife to his pocket.
>
> When he opened the door he saw his mother, pale and frightened, and
> two Hitler-esque boys in blue. Behind them, several of his little
> cousins, Cousin Eddie's girls, watched from the stairs while trying
> to seem invisible.
>
> "Dennis, are you all right? You look awful," his mother said.
>
> "Dennis Tafuri?" one of the pigs asked.
>
> No, I'm Johnny Carson," he said.
>
> "You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Anything
> you say." The cop droned on, reading his Moranda rights off an index
> card while all the blood drained from Dennis's face.
>
> "What am I arrested for?"
>
> "Three days ago you sold two ounces of marijuana, a class one
> substance, to a fifteen-year-old girl. She was wearing a tape recorder
> and now you are going to jail. Hopefully, for a very long time."
>
> They spun him around and slapped on the cuffs. He half-expected one of
> them to say-book him, Danno, like they do on Hawaii Five-O. But they
> just lead him downstairs and into the backseat of the pig mobile. The
> last thing he heard before they slammed the door to the outside world
> shut was his mother crying, "Dennis!"
>
>
> * * *
>
> July 4, 2004
>
> Hannah Atwell opened the sliding glass door with a push and stepped
> onto the patio with a tray of beef and veggie burgers, Hebrew National
> hot dogs and tofu-dogs for the twins, who wouldn't let a speck of meat
> past their scrawny lips. Even if it was Kosher. Hannah probably
> shouldn't have hosted the Fourth of July party this year, but with all
> the turmoil in their lives, they needed a break. Something fun. Tom,
> her unemployed and under-concerned husband was over in the side yard
> throwing a Frisbee with the kids. Nine months now, and he'd only had
> two interviews. If something good didn't happen soon, something bad
> certainly would. Even with her cutting hair on the side, it simply
> wasn't enough to keep up with the bills. All their savings were gone,
> and now Tom had run out of unemployment.
>
> "Aunti Hannah?" Her niece Emily tugged on her skirt. She had the
> biggest, bluest eyes Hannah had ever seen, and with those over-sized
> ears she resembled an elf. "It's raining in the livin' room."
>
> "It's what?" Hanna asked while flipping a veggie burger.
>
> "It's raining in the livin' room," the little girl said again.
>
> "Okay, honey. I'll go check it out." Hannah scanned the people in her
> backyard. "Hey Kevin-can you keep an eye on the grill for me?"
>
> Her cousin Kevin, who annoyed the hell out of Tom with his constant
> advice about how to go about finding a job, gladly took the spatula
> from Hannah. At the door, the sliding glass got stuck, again, since
> the wheels were old and rusty and needed to be replaced. With a lift
> and a shove she got it to move. Emily took her hand and skipped into
> the living room. "See? I told you."
>
> A four or five foot patch of moisture now discolored the living room
> ceiling. At the center, the liquid gathered into drops and fell with a
> splash onto her oak coffee table.
>
> "Shit," Hannah shoved the coffee table out of the way. Her mind raced.
> Water. Broken pipe. Upstairs-must be the bathroom.
>
> She hustled down into the basement, which reeked like wet cement, and
> searched for the light pull switch. Where was the goddamned thing?
> She'd been bitching to Tom for years they needed a switch. It's the
> twenty-first century-who the hell still uses pull switches?
>
> She felt the string, gave it a yank and the yellow incandescent light
> illuminated the dank basement. The water main was over in one corner.
> She found the shut-off valve and closed it. Next she went upstairs and
> turned on the sink to release the pressure. Always release the
> pressure, her father had told her all those years ago. Since Eddie
> Tafuri hadn't had any sons, his daughters were the recipients of all
> his plumbing and other worldly wisdom. Rightie-tightie, leftie-loosey.
> Liquor to beer, never fear. Beer to liquor, never sicker.
>
> There was a pool of water by the toilet. Hannah tossed a couple bath
> towels down and soaked it up. She put the towels in the sink and
> noticed the water was creeping out from behind the shower. Not the
> toilet-the shower, which would undoubtedly be a costlier repair. Shit.
> There was an access panel underneath the toilet paper roll, so she
> went to get a screwdriver.
>
> Outside she saw that Kevin was joyfully tending the grill, people were
> chatting and the kids were playing with a hackey-sack. The odor of
> grilling burgers drifted through the kitchen window and made her
> stomach rumble. As usual, Tom was nowhere to be seen.
>
> She went to the tool drawer--the one under the countertop piled with
> bills, found an appropriate screwdriver, a mini-flashlight, and
> returned upstairs. How were they ever going to pay a plumber? And on
> the fourth of July, of all days. They probably get double on a
> holiday. Maybe she could fix it herself. Maybe it was just a gasket or
> something. Maybe skid row wasn't as bad as she'd heard.
>
> Water still crept from beneath the access panel so she laid down a
> towel and wiggled herself between the toilet and the tub, thankful for
> the first time in her life that her boobs weren't too big. The screws
> holding in the panel had been painted over with white paint, but with
> some encouragement and a little cussing she got them all out. After a
> few more swears and a swift jab, the panel came off, revealing the
> pipes to the tub and shower. The pipes were wet and she couldn't tell
> where the water was coming from. She had to wriggle herself out, get
> the flashlight, and wrangle herself back in place again to see the
> pipes, and the bag, now soaked, which was crammed under the piping.
> Had some half-wit used that to prop up the pipe? She reached in,
> discovered the bag was full of something, and pulled it out. The bag
> disintegrated in her hands, revealing a large bundle of wet paper. Wet
> paper that was green in color and covered with numbers like 50 and
> 100, and words like United States Treasury.
>
> Somewhere outside teenagers were firing off bottle rockets, people
> were stuffing their faces with grill food, potato salad and
> watermelon, while Hannah Atwell sat in wonder mouthing the words, God
> Bless America.
>
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