[stylist] Writing Anonymously

[Jewel S.]

Hi all,

I am writing a memoir...it is an emotional process, a painful writing,
but one that needs to be done. It encompasses my childhood and the
loss of it, my mental illness and my mother's sadism and abuse, and
the "death" of my mother in my mind, the "killing" of the mother whom
I have always loved but also always hated. I can summarize that here,
but I cannot share the actual writings with anyone who knows who wrote
it. I would feel that they would pity me, hate me for exposing this
woman, or not believe that it is true. It scares me to share it with
anyone who would know it was written by me. However, I know that any
book that is going to be published needs to be read and edited,
re-read and re-edited and then needs to be published. I plan on using
a pen name that would be used only for this book, and for none of my
others. However, I wanted to know how to go about with this. It is as
much a healing of my inner child who never got a proper childhood and
a tru confession to myself that it really happened and that I have
been very sick and now I'm getting well. My counselor thinks it is a
fine idea, but I am still afraid to share it, but I want people to
know and understand the pains and joys, fears and triumphs of an
abused child who never understood the abuse, who always blamed herself
for it, and truly thought she was the black sheep who truly was
naughty, and perhaps even evil. I remember the impression that I was
possessed, that maybe there was a demon that made me so bad and my
mother was only trying to rid me of it, or that I was a "bad seed."

Anyway, as you might be able to tell, it's not a nice story nor does
it yet have an ending, as I'm still trying to heal, but I want to work
on the story, and someday publish it.

How does one go about submitting a book without being known for who
you are? How does one go about sharing a story with strangers? Are
there places where stories can be submitted totally anonymously (and I
don't mean under a username...I fear that I'd be found out and called
out...but totally anonymously? Where would such a place be?

I know I sound silly and paranoid...I am sorry. I am just still so
fearful of sharing the story, but I know that in time it must be done,
and I have some of the story to share and want it read, but don't want
to share it as myself. Any thoughts?

~Jewel