[stylist] Writing sample

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Joe,

First, the dialogue flows just fine, and you keep the dialogue realistic
for your characters.

I question, though, if your narrator's voice in the exposition contrast
too much with the situation of the piece.  At times, your narrator uses
words like brazen and argueably, and I think the narration, at times, is
not meshing with the tone and voice of the characters and their life.

One more thing, I know this is just a sample, but bring the tension in
the first few sentences.  We need to know right out the gate what is at
stake here.  We need to know that these aren't just regular high school
kids, they are gang members.  That tension needs to be present
immediately.

Good writing though.  I am curious as to where this is going.

Bridgit