[stylist] synopsis

Tue Oct 19 19:29:58 UTC 2010

Hi,
I like the synopsis a lot better now, however, the view keeps 
switching between Pessy and Jennifer, and then some other 
characters, and the transition between them is a little rough.  
Maybe Making it flow a little better might help.

Danni

 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Tue, 19 Oct 2010 13:04:51 -0400
Subject: Re: [stylist] synopsis

Judith,

You previously mentioned being an established freelance writer.  
This is
what I found with regard to you and your novel while performing a 
quick
Internet search:

***

"She is currently working on her first novel in a young adult 
series about
observant Jewish young adults that she wants to market in the 
mainstream
world.  One may think that this is a topic for a niche audience, 
but Judith
doesn't agree.  "Today, anti-Semitism is rearing its ugly head 
again.  But
what do people hate?" She hopes to answer questions about 
observant Judaism,
their unique lifestyle and give her readers a page turning 
reading
experience that contains
mystery, intrigue, good guys, bad guys, issues surrounding life, 
and yes,
death.  This book will give her readers a riveting novel that the 
young
adult, or perhaps adult reader, Won't be able to put down!"

***

That, I think, is intriguing.

Now, with that in mind, look over your synopsis and tell us if 
the synopsis
you've prepared lives up to this claim?

1.  It's very dry.  You may as well write a bulleted list of 
incidents.
First this happened, and then that happened.  Then the character 
reacted
like this...

2.  Find a balance between what is intriguing and too much 
enthusiasm.  You
wrote:

***

"They take her to a hotel room, tie her up like a hunted animal 
and the
criminals proceed to have a drinking party."

***

Are you writing to an editor, or are you writing to a teenager?  
Remember
the novel audience is significantly different from your synopsis 
audience.

3.  The themes laid out in the Internet search result is 
fascinating.  Flush
out those themes in your synopsis.  What you are turning in 
should not be a
shopping list, unless the publisher is requesting a 
chapter-by-chapter
outline.  The synopsis, according to what I understand you need 
to submit,
should be a panoramic view of the themes, trials and brief 
character
sketches the reader might encounter.  If I may offer a bit of 
advice, try to
aim for the tone of a movie trailer.  Think of the words the 
narrators use
to convince you to watch the upcoming movie!

It's looking good, but I recommend a bit more surgery.

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their 
sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam 
Ewing

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judith Bron
Sent: Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:41 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] synopsis

I want it in there to demonstrate Jennifer's emotional state.
Because of
her identity problems, she can't commit to an emotional 
relationship.
----- Original Message -----
From: "loristay" <loristay at aol.com
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Sent: Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:26 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] synopsis

I still think you could leave Randy out of the synopsis 
altogether.
Lori
On Oct 19, 2010, at 12:04:39 PM, "Judith Bron"
<jbron at optonline.net> wrote:

From:   "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net
Subject:    Re: [stylist] synopsis
Date:   October 19, 2010 12:04:39 PM EDT
To: jsorozco at gmail.com, "Writer's Division Mailing List"
<stylist at nfbnet.org
Hi Joe, Here's my latest attempt.  I think this is more along the 
lines
everyone was talking about.  Bottom line, do you think it sells 
the book?
Thanks, Judith
Jennifer Rabinowitz, living in Curtis Cove New York, begins our
novel with a
near death experience and questions about her identity.  Her
foster mother,
Sheila has rushed to Jennifer's side to be with her after the 
accident.
Sheila's flashback to the day she received the only objects left 
by
Jennifer's
long dead parents leaves the reader wondering about Jennifer,
her parents
and the mystery surrounding the letter left to their daughter.

Jennifer's best friend is Randy, captain of her high school
football team.
Randy wants more from Jennifer than friendship, but Jennifer
reveals that
she can't begin an emotional relationship until she understands
more about
her own identity.

The reader is introduced to the bigotry surrounding Jennifer's
identity as a
Jew.  This bigotry is all she knows about Judaism on her journey
to find out
just who and what she is in the world she has lived in since
being orphaned
when she was two.

Pessi Goldberg begins the story with a mother dieing of cancer 
and a
reclusive personality.  Pessi's classmate Chavy Levy starts to
bring her out
of the protective shell Pessi has shrouded herself in since 
entering her
present school the year before.  Pessi's life is complicated by
the poverty
shrouding her once affluent family.

Eventually Pessi's mother passes away from the cancer that has
ravaged her
body.  Heart broken Pessi now questions the motives of an
Almighty she has
believed in her entire life.  She questions why the Almighty has 
taken a
mother away from her two younger siblings.  For the first time
in her life
she has her solid faith in the Almighty challenged as she tries
to overcome
her devastating loss.

Jennifer continues to puzzle over her Jewish identity that has
only been a
part of her life during the chiding of anti-Semitic classmates.
Eventually
her foster mother is helpful in getting her registered in an 
observant
Jewish summer camp hoping that the camp can teach Jennifer
something about
her roots and identity.  Jennifer returns from camp intent on
living as an
observant Jewess.  Again Sheila is helpful in getting her placed 
with a
family in Jenna, New York.  This family doesn't work out, and 
Rabbi Levy,
Chavy's father, agrees to take Jennifer into their home.

The lives of Jennifer from the public schools of Curtis Cove,
and the lives
of Pessi and Chavy from an observant Jewish Girls' school in
Jenna, New York
become entwined forever.  The small book and letter left by her
parents has
become a fixture in Jennifer's backpack.  In her darkened
bedrooms Jennifer
clings to these possessions left by her parents and talks to 
them.  She
eventually begins to learn the Hebrew language that both the
small book and
letter are written in.  She is able to learn from the letter
that her Hebrew
name is Breindle and her mother Channah.

The day before the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashannah, the high 
school
principal Mrs.  Newman asks Jennifer if she has a Hebrew name.  
She shyly
tells the principal her Hebrew name is Breindle and her mother
Channah.  The
principal asks her how she knows this and Jennifer pulls the
small packet
out of her backpack.  The principal pales when she sees these 
things and
tells Jennifer to put them in a safe place.

Rabbi Levy is an investment banker.  The principal asks him
later that day
to put the packet in a safe place and he places it in his
safety deposit box
at the bank.

Pessi learns that her father intends to remarry.  She vows she 
will never
accept this change in their family.  More problems for Pessi
who, since her
mother's illness and death has become a class leader, experiences 
more
turmoil over the change that is about to take place in her 
family.

Unbeknownst to Jennifer, the letter has a financial section.
Criminals get
hold of this information and they kidnap Jennifer from a Jenna
street.  They
take her to a hotel room, tie her up like a hunted animal and
the criminals
proceed to have a drinking party.  Jennifer, lying on one of the
beds, tries
to block out the sounds and odors of her abductors' drinking 
party and
spends the time reviewing school work in her mind.  When her
abductors fall
into a drunken slumber Jennifer works the ropes binding her
arms off, slides
off the bed and, braced on her now free hands begins hopping to
the door.

She prays her abductors do not awaken and, with her legs still 
tightly
bound, makes it into the hall where another guest in the hotel
brings her
into his room where the guest's wife is packing.  He calls the
police, but
Jennifer's abductors try to get her back into their custody.

Eventually Jennifer is freed and the contents of the letter
becomes known to
Jennifer.  But Jennifer has a hard time dealing with her newly 
revealed
identity.  She can't deal with the fact that she is not the same
person she
has lived with for the past 17 years.

Both Pessi and Jennifer have to overcome problems with their 
identity
throughout the novel.  Both have to deal with drastic changes in 
their
lifestyle.  Both characters have to come to an understanding of
who and what
they are in a world filled with danger, fear and self doubt.  
Painful
questions experienced by teenagers all over the world.

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